When you don't have a gift list / don't want anything

tincat

Hi,

Our invitations have gone out and people are starting to rsvp which is great, but they're also asking if we have a gift list.

So far 3 people have asked in the last couple of days and I've said we don't want aything, just for them to come.

All 3 times, as I said it I could practically hear / see them thinking we want money instead. We really don't want presents but I can't think of how to get this across without seeming rude. We are going to be making a major move in the nearish future, so don't want 'stuff' and also don't want people to give us money.

Would it be rude to say, let's do something together instead? A dinner out / tickets to something might be more expensive than they wanted to pay, so I'm hesitant to ask that, but maybe there is a good compromise?

Please help.

duchy

You could suggest they make a donation to your favourite charity ?

Idiophreak

tincat wrote: »

. We are going to be making a major move in the nearish future, so don't want 'stuff' and also don't want people to give us money.

If people want to give you money, it's not the end of the world, is it. You can always use the money to take them out to dinner, or see a show etc if you want. Or you can use it toward the big move coming up.

Most people, though...if you say "we're not being cute, we really don't want you to give us anything" would do as you say, I think...

hock79

We are in the same position, our invites went out last week and we don't need any presents, nor want cash or honeymoon contributions. So far I've just told people to just bring themselves and a lovely card, I love receiving cards, and can't wait to look through all the pretty wedding ones after our wedding day! It never occurred to me that people might think we were asking for cash in a subliminal way!

BugglyB

My friends had a wedding and said no gifts and no money, so I didn't take anything except a card, and then when I got there everyone had given either a present or money and I felt awful! I even overheard one person say 'I know they said no present but you'd never turn up empty handed would you!' and everyone agreed. I felt dreadful. In future I think I will always take a gift.

minerva_windsong

I think you will get a lot of people who give you money or vouchers, even if you say you don't want anything - not because they think you're implying you want cash, but because they *want* to give you something. And as Idiophreak says, you can always use it to go out somewhere with them or put it towards moving.

The asking for a donation to charity idea is nice too.

daisiegg

I can't really see the problem - you may not 'want' people to give you money (why?) but if they WANT to, let them. I can see it causing more hassle/distress/offence to insist to the end of the world that they don't give you a thing. Just stick to your guns of "We don't want any presents, thank you" and if they say "Well then I'll give you money" just say "That's very generous but we really aren't expecting anything" and leave it at that. I think it would be rude to push it further.

ETA - the charity thing is a really nice idea too and possibly a good way round it!

74jax

daisiegg wrote: »

.

ETA - the charity thing is a really nice idea too and possibly a good way round it!

We don't want anything either but after so many people taking the huff we said if they would like to donate to two charities very close to us then we would pass on the charity info. People STILL weren't happy, so the fabulous mrsd on here suggested I ask people to give us there favorite recipe. This has gone down really well with people trying to out-do each other with the funniest drawing etc.

All this and we don't get married till 2013, I hope it doesn't get worse....

Idiophreak

Another possible idea (that I just thought of...and amn't really sure how I feel about yet ) would be to ask for cash - but just to stick it all behind the bar at the reception.

Normally, people don't want gifts as they appreciate the high costs of attending the wedding to guests...Doing something like this would mean that the cost of attending would be reduced for everyone...but I'm sure there are some people that would be offended by it!

Brightside

74jax wrote: »

We don't want anything either but after so many people taking the huff we said if they would like to donate to two charities very close to us then we would pass on the charity info. People STILL weren't happy, so the fabulous mrsd on here suggested I ask people to give us there favorite recipe. This has gone down really well with people trying to out-do each other with the funniest drawing etc.

All this and we don't get married till 2013, I hope it doesn't get worse....

I love that idea, you could get them scanned and bound in a book as a keepsake.

74jax

Brightside wrote: »

I love that idea, you could get them scanned and bound in a book as a keepsake.

The idea is to laminate them and have them bound:beer: