Should I uninvite my sister boyfriend...?

MrsShawToBe

I'm getting pretty sick of my sisters boyfriend... They've been on and off for 3 years and I'm just sick of him now.

He tried to mess us about the wedding breakfast... not telling us if he was coming or not, and my mum just said we had to invite him, and we had to tell him we wanted him there because he felt like he wasn't wanted there! (They were going through a rough path... again...).

Tonight has been very nearly the last straw. As soon as we pulled up to my grandma's he goes 'oh why did you come in the big car?'. Erm, because we use my car for work and we came straight from work? What bloody difference does it make anyway?! It fit on the drive!

Then the other day me and OH were talking about getting related tattoo's on our honeymoon and he goes on about his 'friend' who got a lock and key duo with his girlfriend at the time, and then they broke up and he's stuck with a tattoo relating to her, blah blah.
1. They're younger than I am now so I am assuming they were 15/16 anyway.
2. Me and OH are GETTING MARRIED. We mean the world to each other, its more than just a 'relationship.
3. This is coming from the guy who has his own bloody name tattoo'ed right up his forearm!

I won't go into the other reasons for this one, but he was trying to wind me up over home-tattooing as well. The reasons people give are just so frustrating to me (I'm into body mods and know the real, life threatening dangers people are putting themselves into tattooing at home, no matter how 'safe' they think they are being), and he was trying to put me down and make me look stupid about it 'oh my mate does it and everyones fine' etc...

I know this might sound petty, but its every single time we see him, theres always some narky comment and I'm getting sick of it. He always has to put comments in about anything I say and has an opinion that I'm wrong on everything.

Why should I have him on one of the front tables, with my family, at the meal? If my sister wants him there, he can come at the night, but am I out of order not wanting him there?

I just don't want him there, and I don't want to cause any family arguments which my mum will get annoyed at me for uninviting him, but its our wedding, and we don't want him there...

x

katie1812

Like you said it is YOUR wedding!! You and your other half need to do what is best foryou two and the day. Can you talk to your sister about it? Like what is the chances of the, being together when you are married, and just say what your concerns are?

MrsShawToBe

They probably will be cause its habit now. He lets her get away with murder and she cheats on him all the time but they won't split cause they got the best of both worlds. Whoever they want but security with each other.

I just don't want to cause any long-standing drama cause of one day, but I really don't want him there, on the front table with my family. I don't want him there at all... When he was iffy about coming I just said he's not coming and felt good about it, but now mum asked him and he said yes!

katie1812

Oh no! It is YOUR wedding though don't forget that! Can you not just say he can come for the evening only? Then you won't really need to speak to him or be bothered by him as the night will be flowing? At the end of the day you invite who you want and if people don't like it then they can lump it!! That's our view anyways!

Hollie84

Like others have said its your wedding,i had a spat with my sisters new BF thought he could talk to me like crap and get away with it and put me down.she has only been with him 5 mins! anyway OH said after how he treated me he isnt welcome to the wedding,OH told my sister this as she has decided to fall out with me over something petty.so she now isnt coming to the wedding and TBH good, i dont care,she is a sour faced jealous mare.she is 42yrs old and acts like a child.even if she does come forward and want to make a menz the damage is now done and i want no more to do with her ( i wont go into details about what has happened ) its her choice not to come and she will regret it one day! Alwsys dramas when it comes to family and weddings,just tread carefully when u come to telling your sister.good luck on whatever u decide

Labsettings

I agree with the two above. If he is indecisive about the wedding breakfast, just tell him that you needed to give final numbers to the venue and as he's uncertain you didn't include him on the list?

I have a semi relative like that and they are very frustrating! And you never know whether they are actually trying to help/feel they know best or whether they are deliberately being an a$$!

Good luck with what you decide, if it's going to stress you out on the day I'd get rid of the issue while you still have the opportunity to. If you decide to include him in the day, perhaps seat him on a table far, far away. Maybe there's a group of people around his age group at another table he can be seated at? My plan is to seat my annoying person next to my other annoying person and let them fight it out between them. In a different room. Hopefully at the wrong venue

missile

It is your wedding and IF you are paying for it, tell sister he is not welcome. If your mum is paying, you should respect her right to invite who she wants.

mildred1978

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

Then the other day me and OH were talking about getting related tattoo's on our honeymoon and he goes on about his 'friend' who got a lock and key duo with his girlfriend at the time, and then they broke up and he's stuck with a tattoo relating to her, blah blah.
1. They're younger than I am now so I am assuming they were 15/16 anyway.
2. Me and OH are GETTING MARRIED. We mean the world to each other, its more than just a 'relationship.
3. This is coming from the guy who has his own bloody name tattoo'ed right up his forearm!

Yeah, cos marriages never fail, do they. Pamela Anderson had a tattooed wedding ring and she's still married.

Oh. :doh:

Lunar_Eclipse

No, I don't think it's very polite to 'uninvite' someone from an event. I would give very careful consideration to the potential fall out of doing that and decide whether it's really worth it (for example if your sister decided not to come too, since she might feel that they come as a pair.)

Also, in this situation, I'm not sure anything has changed since you invited him. It sounds like you simply don't get along very well in general. You don't have to like a partner to invite them; that's just common decency. (Sometimes you might not even have met some people's boyfriends or girlfriends for instance.)

Personally, I'd avoid engaging in (detailed) conversation with him, but be pleasant at all times. I think after some space, you will probably find he doesn't irritate you as much as he is at the moment.

And if you're really lucky, he might decline your invitation anyway.

Try not to let it ruin your day. We all choose how we react to situations, so in theory you are the only one who can ruin your own wedding day (although I think I'd draw the line at the groom not turning up!)

davetrousers

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

me and OH were talking about getting related tattoos on our honeymoon and he goes on about his 'friend' who got a lock and key duo with his girlfriend at the time, and then they broke up and he's stuck with a tattoo relating to her,

Whether you like him or not it's pretty sound advice.

MrsShawToBe

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

No, I don't think it's very polite to 'uninvite' someone from an event. I would give very careful consideration to the potential fall out of doing that and decide whether it's really worth it (for example if your sister decided not to come too, since she might feel that they come as a pair.)

I know its not polite, but I only invited him to be polite, and the more he says, the more it gets to me. I am thinking very carefully about it before I do anything. If she decided not to come either, than it'd prove to me what I've always thought about her, she cares way more about him and his family than us.

amyjoan wrote: »

I agree with the two above. If he is indecisive about the wedding breakfast, just tell him that you needed to give final numbers to the venue and as he's uncertain you didn't include him on the list?

My mum put him on the spot and he said he would come after me and my sister put him on the spot and he said no!

missile wrote: »

It is your wedding and IF you are paying for it, tell sister he is not welcome. If your mum is paying, you should respect her right to invite who she wants.

We won the majority of the wedding, and the rest is split between me and my mum. I am paying for everything to do with the breakfast.

mildred1978 wrote: »

Yeah, cos marriages never fail, do they. Pamela Anderson had a tattooed wedding ring and she's still married.

Oh. :doh:

I never said marriages don't fail, I meant that we are more commited to each other than 'just' being in a relationship.