Think I'm depressed...?

Wellyboots6

I did go to my GP and got medication which helps a little. A lot is me learning how to handle it though.

To combat the feelings I used to spend money like nobodies business, hence all the debts. I can't say that I have totally stopped doing this, but at least now I am aware that I do it I can try and tame it down a little.

I used to buy clothes, get my hair done, eat out etc trying to make myself feel better. I have realised though that it is all 'physical' stuff that I was doing. I needed to focus on doing things to make me feel emotionally better.

I started by trying to do at least one nice thing for other people a day. I started focusing on how I was behaving towards other people and trying to make their day brighter, even if it was just by giving someone a compliment etc. That would then make me feel a little better.

I also started keeping mental lists at the end of each day, starting with things that had gone well or were nice, followed by a list of things that weren't good or made me unhappy. I would then re-frame the negative list in to positives, for example...

Due to building work next door I ended up with a big hole in my bathroom roof. That went on my negative list. I then re-framed it by thinking that as I rent the landlord would sort it out so I didn't have to worry which is a bonus as if I owned the property I would have to deal with the stress. I then cleared up the mess and ran myself a nice bubble bath and lay in the bath looking at the stars through my nice new 'sky light'!

I also write lists of things I need to get done, even odd little bits of paperwork, dusting top shelves etc. When I feel down I will get the list out and challenge myself to get as many things done off the list as possible. Once I start I can't stop!

I still haven't worked out how to get past the feeling left behind bit yet though, especially as all my friends seem to be having babies at the moment! If you find the answer to that one let me know

meritaten

hun - unless you are incapable of doing your job - then there is NO reason for them to open the medical form. have you had a previous history of depression?

The sooner you get help hun - the better. You are probably worrying un-necessarily about the sealed info. if the form was accessed when you were offered the job - its gone into history now. I am a bit worried though that you used the term 'found out'? have you had treatment for depression before? is that why you know whats wrong? hun - depression is treatable - many people suffer it and keep thier jobs!

vivienm85

Katy, your post sounds very helpful and there are certainly some ideas in there that I can use, thank you.

The strange thing is, I can see myself doing things I don't want to do. I snipe at my partner with sarcastic comments, I 'demand' his attention, I give him ultimatums. I'm a nightmare to live with at times, and I know this, yet I can't seem to change it because I think 'if we would just get engaged I'd be happy/if we got a new house I''d be happy etc etc'.

Going to do some research online to see what support is out there. Still reluctant to visit GP as I am in a new area and from the little I've seen of the doctors they aren't the most helpful!

vivienm85

meritaten wrote: »

hun - unless you are incapable of doing your job - then there is NO reason for them to open the medical form. have you had a previous history of depression?

The sooner you get help hun - the better. You are probably worrying un-necessarily about the sealed info. if the form was accessed when you were offered the job - its gone into history now. I am a bit worried though that you used the term 'found out'? have you had treatment for depression before? is that why you know whats wrong? hun - depression is treatable - many people suffer it and keep thier jobs!

I'm not sure what the sealed form is for, I'm sure they open it when you get shortlisted. There's nothing on my form in that respect, I've never spoken to anyone about it before.

Re: the term 'found out' - I'm afraid to say that I do feel a bit 'ashamed' of what I am feeling. I know there are campaigns out there for people to speak out and not be afraid, but there's still an aspect of 'this shouldn't happen to me'. To anyone else looking in at me, I've got a good life with nothing to be moaning about, it feels a little 'ungrateful' of me to even say I'm feeling unhappy.

Yorkie1

Depression hits people from all stages in life and all walks of society. Having a steady job, a relationship, absence of financial worries etc is no guarantee that the mind will keep working as it should.

There is no reason for your work to know about this; do make that appointment and talk to your GP. Good luck.

Wellyboots6

You have to try and mentally say 'stop' to yourself when you have the 'if only this then I would be happy' thoughts. Say stop, pause the thought and then try and work out why you can't actually be happy now while you wait for these things to happen.

It is a lot easier said than done, as I think pretty much the same things. When I have a clear moment though I realise that my partner wouldn't want to get engaged just because I was depressed! You should get engaged because you are happy, not to make you happy. If you aren't happy beforehand then why would being engaged make any difference? The next thoughts would then be 'I will be happy once we are married' followed by 'I will be happy once we have children' followed by 'I will be happy once I get promoted' and so on.

Thinking like that stops you being happy in the moment. If you focus on the future and how you will feel then, you miss everything that is happening at the moment. You end up living in a hypothetical future and missing out on real life.

Easier said than done

Callie22

Do you have access to an Employee Assistance Programme through work? I'm public sector and I know we do, but I can't for the life of me remember the name of it. They generally have 24/7 counselling lines that you can call that are totally confidential. It might help if you can talk to someone as a first step, if you don't want to go to your GP right now.

thehappybutterfly

vivienm85 wrote: »

Hi all,

I wasn't sure where to put this, apologies if it is in the wrong place, hopefully it can be moved if so.

I'm not sure what I am expecting from all of this really, maybe just a place to 'sound off' without actually having to speak to someone face to face.

Anyway, I think I'm depressed. Quite a scary thing to admit! On the surface of it, I've not got a care in the world, or at least I shouldn't.

- I live with my partner.

- I have a permanent job in the public sector, which in my area of work is a very very difficult thing to do.

- I am on a good salary, with not much debt and plenty of 'spare cash'.

- I am a reasonably educated person, with an honours degree and post graduate qualifications.

So what's my problems?

- I am indecisive at times to the point absolutely nothing gets done i.e I will leave the house to get milk and forget what I went out for/can't choose what shop to go to.

- I am overly suspicious of my partner and will check his phone and emails to check he is not cheating on me.

- I attach 'value' to possessions that I think will 'cheer me up'. I have 'obsessions' with such possessions that come and go i.e I can be obsessed with make up for a while and spend hundreds of pounds on lipsticks/perfumes/cosmetics/hair products etc. I think these possessions will grant me 'social status'.

- I have no interests outside of my work (and even work doesn't particularly interest me at times).

- I am constantly tired and have aches and pains that I just cannot shake or get to the bottom of.

- I feel that most of the time I am on the edge of crying, without really knowing what I am crying for.

- I feel that everyone else has 'more than me' i.e friends of ours that are married, are having babies etc. I feel that I am left behind and that if I only had these things, I'd be happy too.


Last year I gave up on an opportunity to work overseas to take up my permanent position here, and I moved 75 miles away from my home town to be with my partner. The job I took wasn't exactly what I thought it was and I am in a position which is extremely stressful and I hold a fair bit of responsibility. 'Thrown in at the deep end' I feel!

Like I said, I'm not sure where I am going with this. Maybe some tips on things I can do to 'cheer me up' that doesn't involve buying things that get forgotten about the next day? Anyone been in a similar situation and got through it ok?

Apologies for the length of this post, but thank you for reading if you have.

Umm, did I get up in the middle of the night and create a new username and write about my life? It's all scarily familiar........

GlynD

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

Umm, did I get up in the middle of the night and create a new username and write about my life? It's all scarily familiar........

Tell me about it. Welcome to my world.

thehappybutterfly

On the face of it, you've "nothing to be depressed about" but that's not how it works, is it? But it might not be depression - you're maybe just dissatisfied with your life, "what if" you'd taken that offer to work abroad, missed opportunities etc. Just remember, the grass is rarely greener on the other side. I've learned to accept my life and leave it to fate - if something more is meant for me, it won't pass me by.