Going around in circles

a1b2

Through my own stupidity, I have got myself in debt.

I am on anti-depressants through my doctor for anxiety and depression, and have un-diagnosed bulimia (too ashamed to go to the doctors for it, but am posting on here anonymously so feel I need to be 100% transparent about my situation).

I have an addictive and compulsive personality and find it EXTREMELY hard to say no to myself. I know I’m in debt, but I can’t help but go spend more money on crap I don’t necessarily need. I know I need to work on this, pronto, but it’s just so impossible in my current state of mind. I had a brief stint of spending money on online bingo websites where I would tell myself I’d only deposit £10.00 and play with that, then the next day would find myself depositing another £10.00, and another £10.00 the next day. I finally cancelled my account and have been doing well so far as I haven’t been back on them.

I have no current debts I am behind with, but have a £500.00 overdraft which is already maxed out, and an £800.00 credit card which, again, is maxed out.

I have an ongoing cycle with Wonga.com in which I tend to run out of money towards the end of a month and borrow £100.00 from them to tide me over. I know it’s bad and I know I shouldn’t. But I legitimately run out of money at the end of the month and have to get to and from work etc.

A large amount of my money, I’m ashamed to say, goes on food. I’ll do a breakdown of a typical month below;

Income (pay) 1194.00
Rent 575.00
Counsel Tax 69.00
Electricity 27.00
Water 20.00
Insurance 12.00
TV Licence 24.00
Mobile 40.00 (tied in until October)
Prescription 8.00
Gym 31.00
Food 120.00
Transport 30.00
Cigarettes 20.00 (1 pack will last me over 1 week)

Wonga.com 130.00
Capital One 35.00

Leaving me with 50.00. Which gets squandered away on god knows what. Usually £10.00 or so will go on petrol if I get a borrow of my parents car, another £10.00 is probably spent on a few balls of wool (I’m a knitter/crocheter). The rest…who knows.

I know I can manage on the amount I earn and the amount of ‘important’ outgoings I have. I just can’t seem to make it work.

I live on my own in a 1 bed flat, I have no dependants.

Last month I had a lot more outgoings as I had 2 friend’s birthday’s and my brother’s wedding, which meant I had to borrow more from Wonga.com to cover it. As a result, it is now the 10th April and my bank account shows literally £2.36 remaining.

I have 3 weeks to get through with that money (plus around £24 in my purse). I still have around £100.00 of bills to come out of my account.

I’m going to have to take another Wonga.com loan of possibly £150.00 to cover that and leave me £50 for the month. But it means next month I’ll have to pay that back and be out of pocket again.

I know people hate Wonga.com and sites similar to it, and for good reason. It’s a cycle. But I’m truly stuck.

Now I’ve typed this all out, I’m not entirely sure what I’m asking for. There’s nothing anybody can really do to help. I know the whole situation is my fault alone. It’s affecting my entire life and wellbeing. My depression is getting worse, I’m panicking more and my eating is getting more and more out of control.

I just need help.

ellesbellesxxx

Just sent you a pm.

Water for one person 20.00 is a heck of a lot! I paid at most 17 in winter (Had lots of baths!) but mostly nearer 13. Check this.

Elec... have said about this in pm.

Your rent is half your income - any way you could move somewhere cheaper?
What type of insurance is it? Could it be cheaper elsewhere?

You may be tied in to contract but usually you can still change tariff.Seems steep!

Also any old phones you could recycle? Mobilevaluer.com

Can you pay for tv licence over a year instead of 6 months? Much cheaper.

Gym is great but again, is this the best deal around?

exarmydreamer

Hi A1b2, Bulimia is a mental health issue, and your state of mind is not helping your debt problem. I can say this as I was a compulsive spender, bulimia and anorexic sufferer. The biggest barrier you have is yourself and your secret. Do you have a good, confidential friend or a member of your family you can confide in. Once your eating disorder is out in the open, you, I promise will feel calmer and more able to see things clearly. Please arrange an appointment with your GP, asap. Request an appointment counselling (you may have to go on a waiting list). Whilst waiting speak to the charity MIND, they deal with mental health issues and are nationwide.
Your debt is a secondary issue and will not get better unless you are. Please try a spend diary, (write everything down daily), cancel the gym and see if you have any items you can sell on ebay. Do you have any skills you could earn extra money from or get more hours through work.
If you open up to your family, they will understand, for presents try making cards or giving a self gift, i.e babysitting or just spending time with someone (material goods don't give the time company does). Therefore rather than buy, make a present, more thought has gone into it and that's what counts. See if your doctor can give you some help in giving up smoking, your body needs to recover, make sure you get blood tests done for missing vitamins and eat lots of fresh fruit and veg, (choose this rather than chocolate and rubbish). Chocolate and other sugar rich products gives you an immediate high and a big downer to follow. Are your family close by, could you move back in with them for support and calm, eating meals made by my mum helped me concentrate less on the food and more on enjoying it together around a table. I hope this helps, I am definately not trying to preach or condone at all, all the best.

Hovel_lady

Hello and welcome to MSE :wave:

You might find helpful to read this...

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/cards/mental-health-guide

exarmydreamer

Hi, again. You write that you buy wool, could you sell crotchet hats, make wool dolls etc to sell on ebay. Plus another thought would be if you have any broken or unwanted gold, the price is high at the moment but only go to a jewellery shop as they give best prices.

Buy staple foods like pasta which you can keep for weeks, you could mix this with soup or beans (cheap ones from discount shop). buy fresh potatoes etc from local market, (only buy what you need and it is cheaper). It might be a thought, rather than wasting money on a gym, could you advertise as a dog walker, i.e evening, weekend or days off or post leaflets/newspapers. Do you live in a large city, where you could advertise as a housesitter for a few days or part time cleaner. All these would keep you fit and busy without the cost.

Also best bet is go through your cupboards and see what you have and then make a list of essentials that can make up basic meals. Cheap tins of tuna, beans, soup, tomatoes and spagetti all go well with potato's, pasta and bread. Try splitting a loaf of bread into several chunks, so they can be frozen and defrosted when needed. Don't buy fizzy drinks as they make you more hungry and contain nasty chemicals, buy instead concentrated juice which added to water will last you ages. Try to eat more bulky food that will fill you up and keep busy but you will have to deal with what is eating you inside. Nobody should judge you, you just need to be brave and let those that love you help you. Your eating disorder is only strong because you feel out of control, let your family help you, they love you and will not judge you and you will be stronger for it - Promise.

a1b2

ellesbellesxxx wrote: »

Just sent you a pm.

Water for one person 20.00 is a heck of a lot! I paid at most 17 in winter (Had lots of baths!) but mostly nearer 13. Check this.

Elec... have said about this in pm.

Your rent is half your income - any way you could move somewhere cheaper?
What type of insurance is it? Could it be cheaper elsewhere?

You may be tied in to contract but usually you can still change tariff.Seems steep!

Also any old phones you could recycle? Mobilevaluer.com

Can you pay for tv licence over a year instead of 6 months? Much cheaper.

Gym is great but again, is this the best deal around?

Thanks for your reply and PM - will reply to PM in a sec.

Water - I pay £9.00 per month to Southern Water, the rest to Portsmouth Water, so it's split between the 2 companies. Don't particularly understand it, I just pay the bill when it arrives.

Rent is about as cheap as I can get it. I don't have a car and I work in the middle of nowhere. So i'm kind of dependant on a flat close to work so I can get there. Rent for other flats around here is generally even more, so I have the best I can do at the moment.

Insurance is through HomeLet and is my home and contents insurance. I didn't think £12 a month was too bad, but will have a shop around later and see if I can get it any cheaper.

TV Licence is over a year. When I moved into the flat at the beginning of last year, I paid off the whole TV Licence in one go. This year i've started paying in instalments, and you have to pay the first year off in 6 month instalments of £24, and the remaining 6 months go towards the next year's licence. Or something like that! So come June/July ish time, this cost will halve.

Gym i'm tied into for another 8 months. I went in and reduced my tarrif from 'you can visit any LA Fitness gym in UK' to 'just visit this one only', taking my subscription from £40 to £31. But in doing so, it restarted the contract. So unforch i'm tied in for another 8 months before I can cancel.

a1b2

exarmydreamer wrote: »

Hi A1b2, Bulimia is a mental health issue, and your state of mind is not helping your debt problem. I can say this as I was a compulsive spender, bulimia and anorexic sufferer. The biggest barrier you have is yourself and your secret. Do you have a good, confidential friend or a member of your family you can confide in. Once your eating disorder is out in the open, you, I promise will feel calmer and more able to see things clearly. Please arrange an appointment with your GP, asap. Request an appointment counselling (you may have to go on a waiting list). Whilst waiting speak to the charity MIND, they deal with mental health issues and are nationwide.
Your debt is a secondary issue and will not get better unless you are. Please try a spend diary, (write everything down daily), cancel the gym and see if you have any items you can sell on ebay. Do you have any skills you could earn extra money from or get more hours through work.
If you open up to your family, they will understand, for presents try making cards or giving a self gift, i.e babysitting or just spending time with someone (material goods don't give the time company does). Therefore rather than buy, make a present, more thought has gone into it and that's what counts. See if your doctor can give you some help in giving up smoking, your body needs to recover, make sure you get blood tests done for missing vitamins and eat lots of fresh fruit and veg, (choose this rather than chocolate and rubbish). Chocolate and other sugar rich products gives you an immediate high and a big downer to follow. Are your family close by, could you move back in with them for support and calm, eating meals made by my mum helped me concentrate less on the food and more on enjoying it together around a table. I hope this helps, I am definately not trying to preach or condone at all, all the best.

Thank you for your reply.

Honestly, I don't really have anybody I can confide in. My parents and I don't see eye to eye as they don't 'believe' in depression. I really struggled when I was at Uni (about 6 years ago) and they basically disowned me as they were ashamed by me and wanted me to 'snap out' of it. Anybody who has been depressed will appreciate it's not a case of 'snapping out of it'. I'm an only child so don't have siblings to confide in. My best friend has just been promoted to my boss, and so anything I tell her will likely be reported to the 'big boss' at work as a duty of care. I don't want everybody at work knowing my business.

It's hard.

I think I will definitely take up your suggestion of counselling though and might speak to GP about the eating. Will have a look at the MIND website later and find out more about them.

I do appreciate that my eating problems, depression and anxiety are a big big contributor to my debt, but admitting that seems like such a cop out. Like an excuse.

As i've said to the commenter above, unfortunately gym cannot be cancelled for around another 8 months, and smoking is my coping mechanism, along with food, so although I know I need to quit, it is strangely comforting. Meh.

Thank you very much for your reply and help. As i've said, i'll definately have a good look into all your suggestions at lunchtime and make a start getting some help and get my life back on track.

I had 4 panic attacks last night just thinking about facing up to all this and sorting it out. It's not going to be easy, but I know I need to do it.

Thanks

a1b2

Hovel_lady wrote: »

Hello and welcome to MSE :wave:

You might find helpful to read this...

Many thanks, will have a look

a1b2

exarmydreamer wrote: »

Hi, again. You write that you buy wool, could you sell crotchet hats, make wool dolls etc to sell on ebay. Plus another thought would be if you have any broken or unwanted gold, the price is high at the moment but only go to a jewellery shop as they give best prices.

Buy staple foods like pasta which you can keep for weeks, you could mix this with soup or beans (cheap ones from discount shop). buy fresh potatoes etc from local market, (only buy what you need and it is cheaper). It might be a thought, rather than wasting money on a gym, could you advertise as a dog walker, i.e evening, weekend or days off or post leaflets/newspapers. Do you live in a large city, where you could advertise as a housesitter for a few days or part time cleaner. All these would keep you fit and busy without the cost.

Also best bet is go through your cupboards and see what you have and then make a list of essentials that can make up basic meals. Cheap tins of tuna, beans, soup, tomatoes and spagetti all go well with potato's, pasta and bread. Try splitting a loaf of bread into several chunks, so they can be frozen and defrosted when needed. Don't buy fizzy drinks as they make you more hungry and contain nasty chemicals, buy instead concentrated juice which added to water will last you ages. Try to eat more bulky food that will fill you up and keep busy but you will have to deal with what is eating you inside. Nobody should judge you, you just need to be brave and let those that love you help you. Your eating disorder is only strong because you feel out of control, let your family help you, they love you and will not judge you and you will be stronger for it - Promise.

Hi again!

I'm currently a bit obsessed with making amigurumi dolls and animals and have been thinking of selling some. Keeps me busy and my mind occupied, and will maybe generate a tiny small bit of income. Every little helps, as they say!

Food suggestions are ace. I currently pretty much survive on as little as possible, and then binge on all kinds of crap. Blah. Defo need to try and find out some info on how to get my eating back on track and stop the binging and purging cycle im in.

I don't tend to drink fizzy drinks as I dont like the taste, i'd rather water over anything.

Thanks for your help - it means a lot.

tallyhoh

As you rent you should only be paying contents insurance so £12 is fairly high.
I sell stuff on ebay & it pays for the odd trip away or luxury.

Good luck

Nottoobadyet

I think getting your head around interest rates will help a lot - why on earth are you using payday loans when you have a capital one card? if you arent behind on your payments, you should still be able to get affordable credit without resorting to those sharks.

Best of luck getting yourself sorted - I hope you find more supportive people around you soon.