Neighbour - What can I do?

leanneb010

Okay, I bought my ground floor flat in August and on the very first day we had family over the neighbour upstairs banged down. We simply had the TV on and were talking, not loud or shouting. I dismissed it and carried on as normal.
She banged down again a couple of months later when my daughter (at this time about 17mth old) was walking and playing around the house. I went up and asked if she had banged, she claimed she was flattening her carpet. I said if there were any issues to come down to my house rather than bang.
Since then she has played music/TV at all hours day and night (I haveasked her once to turn it down as it was reverbarating around my living room, which she turned down and apologised.
She has banged down quite a lot especially when my daughter was playing (she's a toddler but we try to limit her noise levels and make her wear slippers to minimise banging, but it is hard when she doesn't quite understand the instruction to be a bit quieter and we never let her self sooth or cry during the night to minimise noise as well out of courtesy). Eventually one day she banged down so excessively I went to her door and asked if she had banged. I was then told my daughter was "doing her head in". I apologised, explained the situation and said we do try to keep her as quiet as possible, but you can't always calm an excited toddler down easily. I also reiterated that I would prefer she just came to me if she had a problem, and that my daughter thinks the banging is a game and will make more noise due to this (which she does as she thinks that its a game).
All seemed fine as we went on holiday for a fortnight, but the night after we returned my daughter woke due to a temperature so we were trying to comfort her and find her thermometer to check how badly she was burning up. This was at about 2:30am. Suddenly our neighbour started banging down (not lightly either, it sounded like she was actually jumping) I was more concerned about my daughter and being in my PJs I wasn't about to go out. But when my daughter began crying again in my room an hour or so later, the banging began again. I appreciate it was late but a crying baby can't always be helped. The whole encounter left me so angry and close to tears.
She has now returned tonight and I can hear her walking about (not exactly soft footed) and her TV can be heard over mine at a low - mid volume. I'm not going back up, because I can't trust myself not to get upset and I have begun recording all this as evidence in case it does escalate.
The walls in the house are quite thin so I appreciate sound carries, but banging at a child who is not exactly rioting seems so excessive to me and we don't play music or the TV any louder than mid level out of politeness (I use subtitles). I feel so upset as I loved this house for my family but now feel bad for attempting to "live" in my home and wish I could move. If we both own the flats what is the best course of action. Thanks

faerie~spangles

The next time she bangs down because of the noise ask her politely if you can enter her flat and listen.

Likewise invite her down to yours so that she can hear her television in your flat.

princeofpounds

This is a tough dispute because both of you are just making ordinary domestic noises (banging aside) and that is not really covered by the authorities. The banging doesn't really count as harrassment or threatening behaviour unless it reaches really epic levels.

Clearly if you are both being disturbed the flats are awfully designed

DVardysShadow

princeofpounds wrote: »

...
Clearly if you are both being disturbed the flats are awfully designed

Society needs to do 1 of 2 things. Either ban apartments or legalise murder.

Bogof_Babe

Would it be possible to re-jig the layout in your flat, e.g. swap bedroom with living room, so that there is somewhere you can let your daughter run around that is under your neighbour's kitchen or bathroom?

If she wakes in the night crying, could you take her into a room that is not directly under your neighbour's bedroom?

If the flats are identical layout at the moment, so that living rooms are above living rooms and bedrooms above bedrooms, maybe swapping over would keep the noise to the area that your neighbour is not either living in during the day or sleeping in during the night. Also you wouldn't be so aware of the neighbour's noise if it isn't directly overhead.

Otherwise ask around local builders for suggestions for noise reduction - maybe a false ceiling would help.

Must say I find it strange that you are in the lower flat yet apparently making enough noise to cause a problem. I'm wondering whether the neighbour is a bit eccentric and/or just looking for trouble! Could you start again and try to make friends with them?

saverbuyer

I would be tempted to sound proof the ceiling for you and your neighbour’s sanity. Old houses converted to flats can have awful sound proofing.

I get what you are saying about your daughter and the T.V. obviously she’s going to play and you’ll want to watch and listen to the soaps. If you are going to avoid your neighbour going mad I would seriously consider paying a few grand for the above.

BJV

Wow not nice. My children are 9 and 6 now but I remember only too well just how nosey there where and still can be. It must very hard.

Hate to say it but it I would have to agree with the invite her down. If you try to get her onside it may make life easier. Also if she can understand your problems ( her tv etc ) it might make her less likely to do it.

There are rules about noise pollution but I don't know if this would apply.

pmlindyloo

I agree with the posts about inviting your neighbour in and having a discussion about this, especially since it is a 2 way thing and you are both affected.

I also feel that sound proofing is the way to go. Has she carpet on her floors or other flooring? A good carpet with thick underlay can help a good deal.

If you can both approach this with the idea of helping each other. it will prevent it developing into a nasty and ugly neighbour dispute (not good if you want to sell)

You could also enlist the support of a builder to see what he/she suggests and google 'sound proofing' and see what comes up.

NeverInDebt

Its possible she may have a valid complaint, ie the flats are poorly designed and not insulated enough to cut down on noise. If that is the case your neighbour should at the very least and come down and told you politely, perhaps listen in each others flats to see how you can minimise sound ie turn tv slightly down etc. Its very difficult to cut down on sound completely even in houses we get it but dont tend to sit all day in a bedroom playing tv/music and generally moving around like you can in flats so it can be made worse.

Norman_Castle

I live above another flat and normal noise from it can be excessive and impossible to ignore. Your neighbour may have suffered for decades and have little tolerance left for noise. As you own the flat investigating fitting floating ceilings may be a good investment. If you do this I would also ask your neighbour to maximise her underlay.

leanneb010

Thanks for the suggestions. I would look into the false ceiling but it is pretty low already, my partner would headbutt the light fixutre if it was lowered more than 3inches. With regards to the bedrooms/living room layout it is identical, living rooms are in the same position but there are 3 bedrooms, one we have as a dining room, my bedroom (which is under my neighbours bedroom) and my daughter's room is under her spare room (to minimise nighttime disruptions). Her house is carpeted fully bar the living room which is floored. Our house is all flooring bar my daughters room which is carpeted. I've taken the civil route by asking if she has any issues to come down and see me rather than bang, and I have never banged at her, I have always approached her either about her noise or when she bangs excessively. She's only maybe about 5yrs older than me and lived here mayber 3-5yrs longer than me so decades of noise I doubt is the issue. My partner thinks that she is trying to show she's boss having lived there longer but I think she is being immature and making the situation worse than it has to be.