How to cope when a child emigrates

[Deleted User]

We heard yesterday that dd and her dh and our two grandchildren are going to australia in just six months time and we don`t blame them at all. We have such a good relationship with the children (4 and 2) and I want to know how I can stop this tearing my heart out. Dh and I don`t fly any more and going by boat is so expensive. We have two other children here but now living further away in the uk and one remaining grandchild

I know that lots of people go through this so advice and experience will be welcome

Hermia

Are you fitted up with Skype and webcams etc? My cousin has just moved across the world and before he went he set up Skype and a webcam for his technically useless mum. She speaks to him for an hour a couple of times a week. My other aunt's daughter is in Australia and she has a Sunday morning skype/webcam session with her grandkids every week.

terrierlady

keep thinking how great for them all, a child is a gift for some of our life as our grandchildren are too,what a great job you have done that they can see life ahead and stand on their own two feet, It takes guts for them to go,you will keep in touch and even perhaps fly again to see them, never say never just be positive for them and get the web cam set up ready, they will miss you too im sure.

[Deleted User]

Thank you both, I just needed those words of comfort. They go with our blessing as doing their best for their children, my sister lives out there and she has 2 unmarried sons so I think she will take on the role of substitute granny cuddling. Skype, oh yes of course, I`ll get that set up and it will help a lot

seven-day-weekend

'When they are young give them roots, when they are grown give them wings', so the old saying goes.

You have done this Kittie, so JOB DONE! Be proud!

You will miss them, of course you will....but with skype and webcams and all the technology you don't have to miss them growing up, or any special events. And your sister is there to keep you uipdated too.

You now have the chance to spoil your grandchildren as much as you like before they go!

Will be thinking of you. xx

beedeedee

Maybe you could rethink about not flying anymore? I know it's a long way and the flight can be boring - but a sea journey could be even worse......
Once they're over there and settled in, maybe it might be possible to go on a flight with plenty of stops on the way? Help would be available if either of you are now disabled or have medical problems and you can get up and move around on long haul flights.
Meanwhile get on Skype as the others have recommended - and you can see them as often as you wish then! xx

Dunroamin

Have you considered moving to Australia yourselves?

[Deleted User]

no re moving. We have 2 other children here and extended family.

Re flying, it isn`t about being cramped or fear of flying but about health. If dh gets a chest infection then he could well end up in hospital for 8-9 days and his health comes first for me. I have healing skills and I am the one who can keep him well. I blame it on workplace smoke throughout his lifetime, even though he is a non-smoker. Even short flights have affected health, every single time, so no more. We have been married 40 years and naturally want to be married a lot longer. He comes first. He is able to cycle at the moment and can hold his own in a club but copd has no return and he is already down to 50%. I don`t want him to end up pulling an oxygen bottle behind him so we have to safeguard what is left

jeanmd

My heart goes out to you Kittie.
I'm almost in the same position as you re: OH. My son lives in America and I have a beautiful granddaughter who is now three who I've never met. Skype is a wonderful thing, I get to talk to her, see her grow and be part of her life. I can read her a story, sing rhymes and have fun. I can't cuddle her and that breaks my heart, but I do know that she has a wonderful life and loving parents.
My OH's brother and family moved to Australia many years ago, as we're all getting older and OH has just been referred to neurology for Parkinsons, he has copd and a second heart attack a few weeks ago, we're in the very early tentative stage of considering going to see them both. It would be a slow process, with a few stopovers, but well see. He keeps telling me to go on my own, but I would worry so much about him, that I can't do that.
It's so hard, but just keep thinking, it's their time now and they are doing what is best for them. You sound like a lovely, caring mum/gran and should be so proud of all you have done. Other people;s comments to your post brought a tear to my eye, mse is such a wonderful place. Enjoy the time you have. xx

rochja

You can also have unlimited calls to their landline using a lebara mobile phone chip for just 1p per minute. Certain prezzies can be bought through Amazon and delivered using free super saver delivery. They will also find it cheaper to shop for your presents this way rather than pay the higher equivalent prices for things in Australia. Reading material in particular can be bought much cheaper outside Oz. Shipped deliveries can take a long time and can be very expensive. A cloud based shared photo and video album or plenty of use of facebook will also be a good idea. There are some cargo boat sailings round the World from Europe and through Oz. They could work out at between £50 and £120 pppn and about 2-3 months away before you add on the time in Oz. With fewer people to be in contact with their is less risk of cross infection than is involved in a trip to the supermarket. Like cruise ships they have full onboard medical facilities.

[Deleted User]

oh what wonderful helpful advice advice.

Jeanmd, we are on the same wavelength as it isn`t just missing the cuddles but also worrying about OH`s health as we get older. So it has to be a balance and I am taking a step at a time. First step has been to offer help to them, to do whatever I can and yes it is their time so I have told them that they go with my blessing

I will look into all the contact options and thank you rocha, I had no idea about amazon and the like