How do I stop myself from feeling so intimidated / guilty?

RainbowDreamer

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Seanymph

phone womensaid, do it now.

I would also say that you are not protecting your children, you are lying to them and therefore you become yet another adult they will feel unable to trust when they are old enough to understand and piece it together.

it is amazing what children understand - and often they pretend not to to collude with the parent.

Tell them the truth. Gently, without blame, without anger. But stop lying to your children, and phone womensaid immediatley.

RainbowDreamer

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balletshoes

It doesn't really matter what your ex tells his solicitor, because when it comes to court day you will be there and you can refute what he says. (My brother's ex told her solicitor a complete load of hogwash which could easily have been checked out with one phone call to her social worker, solicitor never bothered checking because her court bills are paid regardless).

If you feel intimidated by your ex, then write down what you want to say in court, and the points you want to cover. Stay calm. Also make a note in a diary/log of every time something like this weekend's shenanigans occur, with dates, times, if you called the police which officer you spoke to and the content of the converstaion etc.

RainbowDreamer

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Uniscots97

RainbowDreamer wrote: »

I must point out he has never hit me. He is intimidating more in how he comes across, what he says. The children love spending time with him.

But when faced by an angry ex beating down the door I was more than a little scared.

Whether he's hit you or not doesn't matter. In physical abuse the bruises fade with mental abuse, it's there... raw all the time. I speak from experience with this one. This was years ago before my current relationship. My partner's daughter was told my history to protect her from making the wrong choice (which she did anyway and then went on to do far worse including trying to get someone done for rape when nothing physical had happened!), unfortunately she used this information to cause extreme chaos and ultimately mental anguish to me in my own home. Hence she'll never be welcome ever again in my house no matter how many pitiful (and meaningless) sorry's she says.

I guess what I'm trying to say is you've got a right to feel safe in your own home no matter what. As someone else suggested call womensaid. Write down everything said/done and who you've spoken to. Call a friend to come over for moral support. Take care.

marywooyeah

OP am I right in thinking that you don't get have a contact order in place?

If you withheld returning the children then you are in the wrong in the first place, but given his conduct and the fact that the police told you to keep the children as a result is more than enough to justify your actions. as another said you should phone womensaid and please do contact social services before he does. either way they'll be a record of his behaviour from the people and of him speaking to them badly.

He is wrong to say it will go in his favour - what this will do is show that you have shown an unwillingness to return the children despite what was agreed and this can have a negative inference on you for future contacts because if it's happened once it can happen again. He has shown himself to be intimidating and agressive to yourself and to police officers - the Courts don't hand residence orders over to people like that. He's going to have to work twice as hard now to get residence.

You need to make it clear to your solicitor that you were acting in the children's best interests by keeping them and on the advice of the police, but ultimately both your solicitor and the court will be asking questions as to how this arose in the first place - namely by you refusing to open the door.

RainbowDreamer

It was spoken through solicitors that he would collect them a day late. I knew he'd try to collect the children anyway and knew he'd be abusive at the door. Hence why i refused to answer the door.
Today I would of allowed him to collect the children, but due to his conduct yesterday I didnt feel secure enough to as I knew he'd be angry and possibly abusive.

There is no contact order in place. Just contact that has been mutually agreed.. kind of.
He has now also been Phoning my boyfriend.

I feel what I have done is justified, though guilty that he won't see his kids this week. Though my children haven't even mentioned him or asked why they havent gone yet.

But i am dreading the next time I have to face him now.

Seanymph

which is why you must phone womensaid. That he hasn't struck you doesn't matter. Phone them,

RainbowDreamer

Sorry for seeming dumb, Im just unsure how womensaid would help in this situation? Surely they would see me as wasting their time.

bunty109

He's intimidating you and you are scared to face him. Womensaid are there to support you and offer advice. You've nothing to lose by calling them and I seriously doubt they will think you're wasting their time.