Bullying and compromise agreement

nightingalesgarden

Suzykd wrote: »

Mcneff- yes, I applied for the job when it became vacant. (Surprise!)
The bullying is basically setting me up to fail by withholding information, sexual harrasment, his temper tantrums - yell first, check the facts later etc.,

Emmzi - thanks. In other words, if I go back I will get more of the same. That puts it in perspective for me. I'll stop worrying and see what Monday brings.

No - nothing will ever be the same again - you bought in a Solicitor - You let him talk to your employers. They now think you want to leave with some cash in your pocket (and probably had a few beers to celebrate the fact!)

You could be an adult and try and resolve the whole situation with a straight forward conversation with whichever Manager/HR representative wrote the letter/is running the grievance. Take a deep breath and apologise for getting a Solicitor involved and that it got out of hand...that you weren't trying to influence the outcome of the grievance by engaging aggressive legal advice before the process was exhausted...

or you could just keep telling everyone that none of this was your fault. Stick your head in the sand and pretend as if nothing has happened and cross your fingers.....

p.s. Just what did you think the Solicitor could do other than ensure an exit payment??

McKneff

Only a theory but perhaps when you didnt get the job and he did there may have been a little bit of attitude on your part without you even realising it, and he's taken that and in his own way is making sure you know that the best man got the job.

Sorry, but it does happen.

I'm not a great believer in this bullying business causing so much stress that people have to be off work for weeks. Its my theory that it isnt the bullying, its peoples inability to not know how to deal with it that causes the stress

marybelle01

McKneff wrote: »

Only a theory but perhaps when you didnt get the job and he did there may have been a little bit of attitude on your part without you even realising it, and he's taken that and in his own way is making sure you know that the best man got the job.

Sorry, but it does happen.

I'm not a great believer in this bullying business causing so much stress that people have to be off work for weeks. Its my theory that it isnt the bullying, its peoples inability to not know how to deal with it that causes the stress

I don't entirely agree with you as a generality because I have seen some awful bullying in my time, and I have seen competant and normally assertive people reduced to a shadow of their former selves by bullying.

But I do also feel that you have a point here. The new manager may not be perfect, but the OP obviously has to have felt slighted when passed over for the job, and that can't have helped but be noticeable. And the OP is either very weak willed and incapable of dealing with her own destiny, or she has brought some of this on herself. Solicitors can't just take over without your agreement! The OP has made her choices, and I don't believe for one minute that everything has simply run out of her control. She has lost her nerve, and quite understandably, when she realised that her own strategy has brought to her the point of unemployment. And the only person who can recover this situation - if it can be recovered - is the OP.

Southend1

OP, I just wanted to say I am currently going through a similar situation and though I can't really offer you any advice I just wanted to let you know you're not the only one going through this. Bullying managers are very hard to deal with as there is no incentive for the company or your colleagues to support you and there is often little or no hard evidence. All too often it's written off as "just a personality clash". I went through mediation too and it failed because my manager is very good at appearing willing to work together when others are watching but once back in the office reverts to type. I have had stress counselling and the whole situation has affected my life negatively in many ways. I am hoping to get a job in another department soon. Although it's totally unfair that one person can do this to someone and get away with it, it is all too common and I have come to the conclusion that the only way to resolve the situation is to remove myself from it. I wish you all the best and hope you get through this soon and can move on with your life.

Edited just to add: I found this website a helpful source of advice: http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/

Southend1

marybelle01 wrote: »

I have seen some awful bullying in my time, and I have seen competant and normally assertive people reduced to a shadow of their former selves by bullying.

This is what happens to people after what often amounts to years of bullying and when it finally comes to complaints/grievances etc, and others see the situation they perceive the victim to be weak or unable cope with the other persons behaviour. The "weakness" or "inability to cope" is actually the result of the prolonged stress caused by coping with the behaviour I.e it is what they have been reduced to by the bully.

Suzykd

Actually, No, I didn't feel slighted or resentful. I was disappointed, yes, but it was quite clear in the interview that this was not the right position, at the right time, for me, so I pretty much knew I wouldn't get the job, and have I always tried to be supportive towards this person.
Re the solicitor - I went looking on line for info on bullying in the workplace etc, found a company supposedly giving legal advice, filled in a basic enquiry form, and the next thing I knew there was a solicior from another company on the phone.
I allowed the guy to look at my case, and to speak to my employer (based on what he said to me), and a few days later I'm looking at being out of a job.
Sadly, this is the kind of thing that happens when you are genuinely stressed, as anyone who has been in this situation will tell you.
Thanks to all those of you discussing me as though I'm not here by the way - really nice manners!
I now consider this matter closed.

marybelle01

Suzykd wrote: »

I allowed the guy to look at my case, and to speak to my employer (based on what he said to me), and a few days later I'm looking at being out of a job.

So you did in fact instruct him to act on your behalf and now you don't like the result of that. So withdraw the instruction. Tell your employers it was an error of judgement and get things sorted out with them.

And nobody was talking about you like you aren't here. You aren't here. This is a website. Nobody is "here". People were offering alternative ways to look at the issue that you raised. Your point of view obviously isn't the only one or your wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. So there's something lacking in your manners. Perhaps if you are so prickly at work others like your manager might think so too.

McKneff

Suzykd wrote: »

Actually, No, I didn't feel slighted or resentful. I was disappointed, yes, but it was quite clear in the interview that this was not the right position, at the right time, for me, so I pretty much knew I wouldn't get the job, and have I always tried to be supportive towards this person.
Re the solicitor - I went looking on line for info on bullying in the workplace etc, found a company supposedly giving legal advice, filled in a basic enquiry form, and the next thing I knew there was a solicior from another company on the phone.
I allowed the guy to look at my case, and to speak to my employer (based on what he said to me), and a few days later I'm looking at being out of a job.
Sadly, this is the kind of thing that happens when you are genuinely stressed, as anyone who has been in this situation will tell you.
Thanks to all those of you discussing me as though I'm not here by the way - really nice manners!
I now consider this matter closed.

Its the way of the forums, you should look at it positively and learn from it.

I had a lot of sympathy with you till then.

Your little outburst speaks volumes, maybe its part of your problem, defensive, when it isnt justified , speaks volumes.

nightingalesgarden

McKneff wrote: »

Its the way of the forums, you should look at it positively and learn from it.

I had a lot of sympathy with you till then.

Your little outburst speaks volumes, maybe its part of your problem, defensive, when it isnt justified , speaks volumes.

Suzy, it's difficult when you only listen to the advice/posts that support your view

<<<sighs>>>>

Still, we'll still be here if the worst happens (we're nice like that) but we can't promise that you'll like our advice...

ermine

I allowed the guy to look at my case, and to speak to my employer (based on what he said to me), and a few days later I'm looking at being out of a job.

Like a hefty punch on the snout, launching solicitors at anybody always offends. You haven't got a hope to win here, because your company has much deeper pockets, and they actually pay their solicitors to do what they want them to do. Whereas you were after legal recourse on on the cheap. Legal anything never comes cheap, and it rarely comes cheap and good.
There are times in life when it is necessary to engage solicitors. Always be prepared to pay them upfront to do what you tell them, and to honestly advise you what your chances are and what could go wrong.

You are so out of this job, one way or another. You pulled your ticket to ride when you, rather rudely, barged in with a solicitor before you allowed the grievance process to come to a conclusion. Your choice now is to take some money, which the solicitor will take a cut of, or be squeezed out over time...