Feeling positive about what I've achieved so far but sooo lonely...

booliejockley

New to this so here goes.... I am 34 and every day the thought of my debt makes me have knots in my stomach. I have addressed my debt problem and currently have agreements with my creditors that will see me debt free in 4 years. The thing that worries me sick ( and you may all think I am stupid) is that I feel such a failure, my family would go absolutley nuts if they new the situation I was in although hopefully they will never have to find out. I also have 3 defaults on my credit file and it seems everything you go to obtain i.e insurance etc want to punish for this. To the point it makes me feel like a criminal that I have got into this situation I blame no one but myself but feel I am the only one out there like it. Could still cry now.

piglet39

Aww honey. You are not a failure and you are not stupid. Taking the proverbial 'bull by the horns' and facing up to things is really tough and really brave. My family 'found out' in the end - they couldn't not, but I have to say that in retrospect it was the best thing that could have happened. It's a funny thing really, the shame I felt had nothing to do with the amount of money owed it was more the fact that I hadn't shared how desperate I was and how close I was to losing absolutely everything. Once it was all out in the open I could deal with it 'cos everyone knew. Looking back XOH did know but chose not to IYSWIM but the need for pretence was gone and that was such a huge weight lifted.

Maybe we single/separated/divorced DFWers should form a club...!

x

piglet39

abundant1972 wrote: »

Awww <hug>

But - life isn't all money, big houses and fast cars!

Ditto - it certainly isn't!

My kicks come from poring over reports in MS Money - now who would want a lovely fast car to drive when you have that to do :rotfl:

x

booliejockley

Thank you so much, I feel I have found a life line on these forums this morning, so many people in same situation has made me feel I am not alone.

backinbusiness

Hey Piglet Great post. I am a couple of years older than you with 2 teenage daughters. I separated from my ex nearly 3 years ago and had a lot of debt (Never actually worked it out then!) With the help of this site I got myself debt-free within 18 months, and ironically as a lone parent now have more disposable income than I had when we were married. (Large chunks of our income went on minimum payments and ex was a spendthrift!).

I too have been single since, but have concentrated on family life with the terrible teens - such a challenging age (and my age is challenging too!) and they pass so quickly.

Well done to you and the end is so nearly in sight!

BiB

princess*daisy

Hello Piglet :wave:

Wow wow wow, you have done so well! What an inspiration.

I know what you mean about feeling lonely. I do live with OH but debts are mine - he has never had a CC in his life. He is supportive but ultimately this is my mess to get out of. I haven't told anyone in my family as I feel quite ashamed.

However, I find that these forums are amazing for support. I'd be totally lost without them. It helps knowing that I'm not the only one going through this and I hope that maybe some of my posts can help people in the way that others have helped me.

Stick at it, you're doing great!

rising_from_the_ashes

abundant1972 wrote: »

I'm 39, and still have over 12K to pay off and also been single for ever and a day!!! I don't have kids but it feels like I have a looooooong road ahead sometimes!

OMG you're me!:D

Piglet I must admit I went a bit off the rails when I first became DF (late last year after 15 years:o). I think I felt like I should have all this money to buy things / repair things that have been neglected for many, many years ... but I don't:o I paid my debts through a 2nd job (now thankfully gone), E*bay, car boots etc ... so now I've been able to give these up I'm back to a very tight budget with little wiggle room - which is why the debt occurred in the first place...... very scarey! However, as always, the support on here is fantastic and I do still very much need to be here - the DFW values still apply to my everyday life or I'll fall down again which I'm not willing to do!

As for clearing the account with the OD first, sometimes things work for us which may not be the most MSE way of doing it - and that's fine, as long as we're aware of it and there are reasons for doing it. Your DF date will be here in no time.:)

Poosmate

Hi Piglet I'll join your club. I'm in much the same situation as Abundant, single, no children, in debt but in my 40's and buying my own home.

My debt isn't huge but I don't have a great deal of disposable income to be able to pay more off each month which is really frustrating because it's still going to take many years for me to get out of it. I've already been paying off my debts for years.

My finances are all set up so all payments are paid on time and never missed. I pay in to a seperate account slightly more than needs to go out and whats left after everything is paid is made as an extra payment to my credit card. As the minimum payments reduce there's more surrplus in that account to make that extra payment. I can't wait till end of April and I see how much extra I have in my salary due to the new personal tax allowance going up. I intend to up the DD into that account by half of however much it is so there will be even more surplus for the extra payment.

I use my free CT months to build or rebuild my emergency fund. I also use my water rates money like that too (paid over 8 months so 4 free months yay).

My family know I have debts but not to what extent. They know I am "managing" and not extravagant with my spends. I go shopping with my mom each week and as the years have passed, with price increases and me not having a pay rise for the last 3 years, she's seen my shopping habits change, shopping bill almost halved, rushing to the reduced areas of the shop, no treats etc. I didn't have to tell my family as such, a catastrophic event in my life put it right out there and at that time the debts paled into insignificance.

Well, that's my life story! Sorry I do babble on - part of being single I suppose! lol

Good luck all who are coping/managing/struggling on their own, you may be on your own but you're certainly not "alone".

Poo

tealady

HiPiglet.
I'm another who is coping on my own and, yea at times it has been hard.
However what keeps me going is the things that money CAN'T buy such as having people who care for me no matter what I do or do not have.
Also I have my job, family and a roof over my head and, as I once was told "True happiness lies not in having what you want, but in wanting what you have". It is something we all need to remind ourselves of occasionally.

rising_from_the_ashes

Poosmate wrote: »

Good luck all who are coping/managing/struggling on their own, you may be on your own but you're certainly not "alone".

I'm on the 3rd year of a pay freeze too (and only 0.5% the year before that) so things are getting ever tighter - constantly looking at ways of reducing the grocery spend but it's really hard as I'm Lactose and Wheat Intolerant (Lactofree milk is £1.31 / Litre :eek: and as an example Oatibix are £2.68 for 24, when you can buy 48 of the sm own brand ones for the same price)

I think a lot of people (the government included:mad:) forgets about the singletons .... many of us as single through circumstance and not necessarily by choice and yet the vast majority of us get no benefits or help whatsoever and yet have to try to run a house out of one wage.

I had this argument with one of my friends the other week - my monthly household bills come to a shade shy of £700 ... now a couple living in the same house may spend £750 (incr in hot water & CT costs, but basically it costs the same to heat the house, cook meals etc) which, divided by 2 wages is £375 each .... a huge difference!

Best of luck to your debt busting .... keep plodding along with what you can afford and you will get there - if I can do it, anyone can!:)