Does anyone hide savings from their OH?

C_Mababejive

In a relationship there are shared expenses and funds and there are private expenses and funds. I think everyone who earns their own living should save some money of their own. In the worst case scenario,the person who you once loved may well shaft you. When it comes to the crunch there is only one person that matters..no 1.

Fail to plan,plan to fail.

cattie

I'm single now, but when I was married & later after divorce had a partner, I had savings that I kept secret from both. To be honest, both men were pretty useless with money, spend it as soon as they got it, whereas I've always liked the security of having savings behind me and always been good with money.

When I met my partner, I already had a very healthy savings pot, whereas he had a lot of debt & I was not prepared to share my hard earned nest egg with him, so kept it quiet. Just as well, as he run off with another woman 5yrs later :rotfl:

Torry_Quine

I think it's a shame that you feel the need to do this but can understand why. Won't he wonder where £250 per month is going though as that's a substantial amount to hide.

Wobblydeb

No I don't hide savings from my OH - instead I bore him to death talking about them, and various ways of saving/making money

You gave a couple of reasons for wanting to do this behind your OH's back. What would happen if you simply explained that you didn't want to use it for the mortgage or to buy a motorbike? Would it cause huge arguments?

DreamerV

I have stashes of money in various accounts, but then me and my OH don't live together yet. To be honest, I don't know if I can bear to move in with someone who has such a bad attitude to money (spending on frivilous things, not chasing money owed by an ex - £15000+, money owed by tax man - £1000+). I earn around half my OH's salary, yet pay thousands more in travel costs to visit per year. I also save much more. I make sure I save in such a way that I don't have access to the funds as disposable income (fixed longer term accounts), and therefore my OH can't make me feel obliged to pay for everything. I am effectively skint, as my money is tied away, but at least this way it is protected.

I guess in your situation it's very different as you stay together. I would feel obliged to say something, like "I'm putting away money for a rainy day, do you want it to be a joint fund and make equal contribution, or shall I just make a fund for myself?" Then again, if I said this to my OH, I think I'd get called a nag, so maybe not.

namecheck

Wobblydeb wrote: »

No I don't hide savings from my OH - instead I bore him to death talking about them, and various ways of saving/making money

Same here, husband's eyes glaze over.

You gave a couple of reasons for wanting to do this behind your OH's back. What would happen if you simply explained that you didn't want to use it for the mortgage or to buy a motorbike? Would it cause huge arguments?

Can imagine it probably would

WhiteHorse

DreamerV wrote: »

To be honest, I don't know if I can bear to move in with someone who has such a bad attitude to money (spending on frivilous things, not chasing money owed by an ex - £15000+, money owed by tax man - £1000+).

Looks like you've already had your warning.

I make sure I save in such a way that I don't have access to the funds as disposable income (fixed longer term accounts), and therefore my OH can't make me feel obliged to pay for everything.

You aren't even living together but already you feel you have to 'hide' money from him? Time to get out!

atush

I agree, and that 15K owed from his ex means he still is in to her (or he'd put more effort in to get it back.

time to move on?

DreamerV

No longer still in to her - it was a rather complicated situation where the ex is very manipulative, etc and OH doesn't want another breakdown going through it. Nobody wants to deal with the ex, who is an awful woman by all accounts (objective not just subjective, as far as you can trust the press). However, you are right, it is time to move on. Every time I try and talk, I get told no, not again, and anytime I need help I get "you need me". I do realise it's not a good situation, where I am "not allowed" to communicate, and do a disproportionate amount of spending. I do know this, and I will walk this year. The point was though that even when things aren't great, sometimes it is difficult to walk away, and I sympathise/empathise with OP. My situation is far easier to walk away from of course. Although it's nice to know other people on here don't seem to see it a disproportionate response to walk away from someone so bad with money.

One question, if you are dedicated to saving (without being a scrooge - I still enjoy things!) surely if you end up with someone long term (marriage perhaps) then half of what you had before you got together becomes theirs, even if they spent their money frivilously? I would also like to spend my money but I want to be sensible and secure in my future.

MsHoarder

Never hiden savings from DH: we both know what the other's reserves are (to within 20% ish. For exact figures we have to check). But I know he respects saving money for a rainy day/to pay a chunk off the mortgage at the end of the current deal and will encourage saving money.

Can you not talk about the motorbike with your partner? If its something he is determined to have, then why is that more important than you having a "nest egg"? I would find a partner with that attitude annoying, but ensured that I choose someone with a similar outlook to me on spending for that reason.