Fed up with Dieting Wife.

Dunkyboy_2

I Love my Mrs to bits, but she is driving me nuts with Dieting. It's all she talks about.
But, she has been on every diet you can think of and probably a few more besides, she knows the fat content of EVERYTHING, if theres a tv prog about fat people/dieting she can pin-point exactly what the problems are, but when it comes to 'herself' it's an insurmountable problem which defies all science.She is somehow different???

She is about 14 stone and looks lovely to me, but she wants to be thinner, but can't lose the weight.I have encouraged her, eaten her food to help her, bought enough weight watchers food to seriously consider becoming a shareholder, but all to no avail.
Its costing us a fortune and is begining to drive us apart.
To me all she has to do is exercise? it really is so simple, you need to burn more calories than you eat, but she won't exercise as she's to tired at the end of the day, or her back hurts or her tummy hurts or she feels sick or its that time of the month, etc.....
HOW can i help her, i am all out of ideas.
thanks .

Savvy_Sue

Hard one ... but maybe the two of you doing things together which get you both moving would help, while avoiding the E-word! "What a nice evening, why don't we nip out for a walk?" "Shall we go for a swim on Saturday?" "Let's get the bikes out on Sunday?" Even "Fancy an early night, love?"

If you have kids, some of those could be more difficult, but still possible.

If you are a very fit person who exercises competitively, you have to pitch this at her level not yours. It is a walk - even a gentle stroll initially - not a route march.

And how can you help her be less tired? "If I did the washing up / laundry / vacuuming when we got back, would you have the energy to go for a walk now?"

Or are there genuine health problems which need addressing?

I can relate to where she is coming from, although I lack the diet obsession! I know I need to move more, but there are days when I weave my way down the road from the bus stop, and I feel at the point of collapse when I get through the front door. Anybody suggesting that I would feel better if I took more exercise at that point would be liable to suffer serious injury.

but if this is starting to drive you apart, then talking to her about that is probably a good thing to do. Telling her how you feel, that kind of stuff, you know? Not giving her a lecture on how if she wants to lose weight she just needs to exercise more! Which I'm sure you wouldn't dream of ...

If she's an MSE person then we have a lovely sticky thread on the "I wanna" board. We've talked a bit about self-sabotage, why we do it etc. If your lovely wife wanted to join us over there, we'd love to have her.

Magentasue

Get "I can make you thin" by Paul McKenna from the library. His premiseis that you have tostop obsessing about food and eat like thin people. First rule is you have to eat slowly - overweight people tend to eat quickly.

I've just bought it for my husband because he has spent his whole adult life gaining/losing weight. He hasn't actually made a start on the regime but it has changed the way he thinks about food and dieting.

Sarahsaver

I have a friend who is trying to lose weight, she has an exercise bike and an air walker in the cellar. Also I read an article recently about a woman who lost a lot of weight by doing more housework! Maybe your dear wife is nervous about changing dramatically, after all we are judged on our outward appearance, and when we lose or gain weight peoples' perception of us changes. Great idea for you to do things together, maybe suggest things like walking to the shops, ansd the other ideas so far are great. If you start a programme of exercise you should see your gp first, and it is hard to believe but you will have more energy. Has she got a pedometer? You could compete against each other to see who can do most steps in a day!
She is lucky to have such a caring husband.

jellyhead

when did she put the weight on? has she always been larger or did it suddenly appear? just wondering because mine was due to a health problem and it seemed nothing i did helped, plus i always felt exhausted. could she have type 2 diabetes? i don't know how tall she is but at 13 stone i just go over into the obese category so at 14 stone she might be obese. having been thin for many years i can see that being obese makes me feel horrible. my husband likes chubby women, i'm not worried about the way i look too much but i feel so tired and unhealthy, i get water retention and breathlessness because my body isn't designed for me to be this big. i had a baby 8 years ago but even just before giving birth i didn't weigh anywhere near as much as i do now. i lost all the weight straight away after giving birth, went back to a size 10/12 then suddenly 4 years later i piled on more than 3 stone and went up to a size 20. this was just before my wedding. i had bodywraps and was at the gym 4 times a week, swimming too but i kept gaining weight. i wasn't working at the time so i went to the gym after taking my son to school, if i'd left it until teatime i'd have been too tired, i used to fall asleep before hubby came home at 5! hubby helped a lot with the housework but it didn't make me any less sleepy. i was trying for a baby and after a year or two of it not happening i was diagnosed with PCOS and also with endometriosis (they're both womb/ovary problems). endometriosis can cause extreme fatigue, PCOS can cause extreme weight gain and fatigue. i was given metformin, it's a diabetes drug. i stopped gaining weight and stopped sleeping all the time, it was great, i had the energy to work part time.

so anyway, after all that babble - how old is your wife? is it possible that her choice of contraception could be making her gain weight and feel tired? if her periods are a nightmare she could be anaemic, she could just be anaemic anyway even if her periods are okay, anaemia makes you really tired and listless. if she sees a doctor be prepared for them to say she's depressed, i was told that to begin with. antidepressants help some people with PMS but they weren't for me.

also if you wife is dieting too strictly she may not have the energy for exercise, make sure she's not starving herself or making herself sick, etc.

good luck :-)

4Chickens

I know where both you and your wife are coming from. I am a female weighing in at 13st 10lb (last week I weighed 14st). I have yo-yo dieted for years. I go to a slimming club, there are a number of different ones out there. The support is great and believe it or not you have a great laugh too! Being a 'money saver addict' I refuse to spend money at the gym. I take my dog for an hour walk most days and on Saturdays I always walk into the town centre to the library(books cost money in the shops!). Also if I walk to town I am limited to what I can buy because I have to walk home again. The clocks go forward on Saturday and this will be great for exercise in the evenings.

My husband is supportive. On Sunday lunch times we get to walk to the pub and back! Ha Ha.

Keep supporting her and telling her how good she looks, she will do it eventually.

Lucie_2

You're spot on with the exercise thing Dunkyboy! Burning off more calories than you put in is the best way to lose weight. Doing exercise actualy gives you more energy & makes you feel better (it's all the endorphins), so if you can get her to even do a little bit, it might make all the difference. You need to encourage her & do it with her; walks, bike rides or whatever. Start gradually & build up from there. The light nights starting next week are the perfect time to start.
Obsessing about food & dieting is not healthy - either for you or your wife.

I have to disagree with the last poster about "wasting money" going to the gym - look at it as more of an investment in your health. Paying out money each week to be brainwashed by weightwatchers is more of a waste of money in my book. Ask yourself one thing? Why do these women have to keep going back to weight watchers every week (& paying a fiver) if it is such a success? Think about it..............

jellyhead

i liked the gym too, i found a cheap one but it's closed now. i get asthma and was anaemic so i found it much nicer to be in a gym where i could just get off the machines and sit down if i needed to rather than having an asthma attack outside and having to lean against a wall for half an hour beetroot red and unable to talk - also i didn't get hayfever while exercising indoors.

for a quick boost if your wife is interested she could try toning tables, i went with my mum whose back problem meant she couldn't go to a gym. there's a series of machines (leather chairs really) that do most of the work but you have to use your muscles to push against them. results are fast, especially around the arms, it's nice to have toned arms and gives you an incentive to do more exercise. it also wakes up your muscles a bit if you're not the exercising type, i found that having started off on toning tables i was able to do more in the gym than my lazy flabby muscles could have managed otherwise lol! toning was good for my posture and i found it better than the gym on certain areas (waist and belly). it's sedentary though, you don't burn calories or get a cardiovascular workout but you do lose inches as you tighten up. i especially liked the leg machines, my legs felt really strong after a couple of weeks and i found myself wanting to go for walks etc. most toning places let men join in too. sessions generally last an hour and you need to go 2 or 3 times a week really, you need jogging trousers (or just something that's not denim or likely to cause wear and tear to the machine coverings) and trainers or plimsolls.

swimming's a good start too.

i didn't really lose any of my weight but i stopped gaining weight and my arms stopped being flabby. i felt healthier and more able to walk up a flight of stairs without collapsing in a heap :-)

Dunkyboy_2

Thanks for the tips/advice, my wife has given us 2 lovely children,and the weight has just inched on.One of the main problems is that her job as a childminder leaves her tired/drained at the end of each day(who isn't i hear you say),and she has little energy left. We do a bit of walking when we can, and she is using a pedometer daily now, she does about 6/8000 steps day,and at the weekend it can be up to 15000 plus, so shes not a lazy person.
When i say she needs to lose weight, it's in her head, as she is just over her weight / height, but she just isn't ever going to get down to her target weight of 12 stone, i think her weight is fine, it's her shape that needs to change and maybe a little bit in her head

chrisxr2

You are fighting a lost cause. At work last year we did a sponsored slim for charity. All the women tried every concievable diet possible and all had varying results and put all the weight back on. The top slimmer overall and every week was me. The reason, three meals a day no snacks in between and go to the gym every day. When will people learn that the only way to lose weight is through a sensible eating regime and exercise. I wish you luck my man.

Becles

Ease her into it slowly.

I didn't do any exercise and was embarrassed just before Christmas when I was late picking the children up from school. I saw them coming out through the fence so ran the rest of the way. I was out of breath and my heart was beating like crazy when I got there.

Decided I needed to do something and my Mam said much the same. We started swimming once a week in January. On the first week, we really struggled but managed to do 18 lengths and got out of the pool absolutely shattered. It was a real effort to go again the next week.

Less than 3 months later, and we're up to 46 lengths a session. We're tired when we get out but not completely worn out, and we really look forward to going. My tummy and thighs already look more toned and I don't get out of breath as easily. Once you get into it, you get an exercise buzz that makes you want to do more. It's just getting over the first few weeks that takes the most effort.

Swimming isn't as hard or tiring as an aerobics class or the gym and I really enjoy it. Maybe something like that will help?

As another plus point, swimming breast stroke regular really tones up your tummy muscles, so certain monthly events are a lot less painful!