Divorce and financial settlement

M00se_2

First post J

I’m in the process of getting divorced and have a mediation session soon and I could do with some advice.
Background is: Married for 17 and a bit years, Ex is disabled, claims DLA, single parent benefit etc. 4 kids, 18, 15, 13 & 11. Mortgage on marital home in both names, I work full time and have done for 20+ years, I pay maintenance as per CSA guidelines
There are no issues with regards my kids, the only issues are financial. I have been offered 35% of the value of the house, with trigger clauses of, She dies, decides to sell, becomes financially able to buy me out or remarries. She also wants me off the mortgage which although I have no objection to I don’t see that our mortgage company will allow this as she is on benefits.

I believe her offer is unfair, they way it is worded is that unless she decides to move (which she wont) then I will not see any money from my share of the house ever. I realise I cannot force the sale of the house until my kids are all 18 but I have no wish to anyway, all I want to know is that sometime in the future I can financially benefit from my former home.

My reply to her solicitor was that I felt a 50/50 split of the house and added triggers of cohabitation and youngest turns 18 are fair.

Am I being unreasonable? Also can someone advise me what I should expect at mediation?

Post written out fast at work so please feel free to ask any questions

Thanks

M00se

Mojisola

I would want the house to be sold - or her to buy you out - when the youngest reaches 18. That gives her seven years to plan what she will do then.

There has to be some cut-off point when you are no longer associated with her financially.

M00se_2

exactly what i want tbh, however she wont want to move and she will never be in a financial position to buy me out so when it gets to mediation i think im going to have to dig my heals in. Guess my best bet is to let a judge decide and hope that i dont get stitched up.

Mojisola

M00se wrote: »

exactly what i want tbh, however she wont want to move and she will never be in a financial position to buy me out so when it gets to mediation i think im going to have to dig my heals in. Guess my best bet is to let a judge decide and hope that i dont get stitched up.

It doesn't matter what she wants - your responsibility is to the children. They will benefit from your portion of the house until they reach adulthood. You shouldn't be expected to continue financing your ex after this date.

Her solicitor is working for her and will try to get everything in her favour. You'll have to stand firm. What you're asking isn't unreasonable.

M00se_2

Thanks, ppl around me have told me that im being reasonable but they obviously are biased in my favour so its good to hear that from someone I dont know. Of course the kids are the main priority and both of us are in agreement over that, for all her faults I will say that I cant criticise her with regards access.

Mojisola

This site - https://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/ - has been recommended by others on MSE as a good place for advice.

M00se_2

I`ll go have a look thx

Dunroamin

If by "single parent benefits" you mean Income Support then your ex isn't eligible because of the children's ages. She must be claiming ESA or JSA.

M00se_2

No idea what she is claiming and dont really care, all i know is that she cant work and is claiming benefits. Im not too savvy with the benefit world having worked constantly for the last 20+ years.

Molly41

Many children dont leave home automatically at 18 and many are still in full time education. I dont think it is fair to demand this payment at 18 as it may severely limit your youngest child as regards education.

Are you paying the mortgage on the former home or is the DWP?

princessdreamer

What always gets to me about situations like this is that children do not suddenly become independent when they reach 18, they still require food, shelter and security. Most NRP forget this all they see is the money they want.
Still what would I know I am a single parent who will help and support my children till the day I die, just like my parents did for me. No amount of money would temp me to take their home away.