Emotional spender

Stressedbear_2

Oh and Im not getting married untill next year and I'm loan free on August 2014 if I can overpay I want too also.

I want to at least have a stab at this on my own

Allypops

If you make some progress but have to confess later, at least you'll be able to show that you are really trying to sort it out.

Extra earnings - wish I knew! Some people do LOTS of Ebay, sell books and old CDs/DVDs, do surveys for cash or vouchers, cashback websites for when they do have to spend. Car boots. There is a Mystery Shopping thread where some seem to get some extra cash. Have a look at the upping your income board, there may be more ideas. A colleague of mine does Avon at work although I guess you'd have to be careful about how your employer would react.

But it seems like the main thing you need to concentrate on is reducing spending generally and resisting the emotional spending. This is true for me too! When you want to buy things, or you think about cutting out things you enjoy use that demotivator tool. Think about how many hours you have to put in at your horrible workplace....If you like going on holiday and want to buy something that is £100 - think that is one day in .......

Have you found any challenges on here yet that might help - the make £10 a day thread might be another one to get some good ideas from.

Allypops

oooh and the crazy clothes challenge....

there are also challenges about using up all of your cosmetics/toileteries before buying more - I can empathise with that one as my bathroom cabinet is heaving!!

flippin36

I think you need to ditch the credit cards and work purely in cash. You also need to have individual pots of money, one of which could be a treat fund. Its budgeted for so you won't feel guilty but you can physically see when the fund is gone and might not be tempted to purchase more when the chips are down. Also if you see something you want and need to wait an extra month or so to buy it you will either really, really appreciate it or you will decide you don't really need it after all and move on to something else. Waiting to buy things has saved me fortune as I usually go off it when I actually have the money.

Get a really good note book preferably one which divides into sections. Write everything regarding money down in it. Your income and outgoings down to the penny. Your budget for the month and a tally at the end of the month so you can see if you achieved your goal. Write down you day to day spending totting up as you go along. Do weekly budgets so you know when to stop (not so long until the new week starts rather than a new month). Also write down meal plans and shopping lists in this book and keep them there to look back on for inspiration or to see how you could improve or have improved on your grocery habits.

Your SOA isn't as detailed as we are used to so its hard to give you any specific advice, but I would urge you to take a look at your out going and give up just one thing. It could be gym, tv package, mobile contract, a night out, smoking, booze, coffee (whatever you decide) and then make sure you over pay that expense on your most expensive credit card. After a few months you may not even miss that thing so you can give up a second thing. If you try and give up lots in one go you will feel really down and deprived and it may result in a binge shopping trip. Not good. Its like dieting.

Who's paying for the wedding, is it already paid for or are you planning to add to your debt? Be very, very careful that your wedding doesn't spiral out of control. I have know couples divorce over the stress of debt (and the wedding hadn't even been paid off). Its one day thats probably only special to you and your OH - other people are too busy getting tipsy and socialising to look and critique every tiny detail....

If you have been emotionally shopping (and I am an ex shopper) I know you will have a house full of stuff that barely gets an airing. Sell everything that isn't practical and you have used in the past six months. Let it all go....it only makes you momentarily happy, its done its job now its pay back. You will get a similar thrill from seeing all your stuff sell for loads on ebay/amazon but make sure you put any money earned towards your most expensive card! Don't see it as an excuse to justify another shop. Stay focused.

Lastly, I wouldn't want to marry someone who keeps secrets, but I can understand your reluctance. If you really don't feel you can tell him I would really urge you to get this sorted before you marry - see it as a challenge. You will have a much better start to your marriage and thriftiness will become a part of your lifestyle which will see you in good stead for the future. If your fiance is against debt then you really do need to change your outlook on spending or it may drive you apart in the future. Good luck.

heartbreak_star

£36 a month on hair is astronomical hun - try student's nights or the chain walk-in hairdressers, they're pretty good. Or even just go an extra week without a haircut (saves 2 trips a year) and dye it yourself (great girl's night in with some wine and nibbles)

HBS x

stressedbear2

Hi all,

for some reason my account has locked so I am now stressed bear two.

Thanks for all the advice.


Just thought I’d let you know that the pressure got so muchyesterday about all this that I confessed all to my partner.

I’m so ashamed of the mess I’m in and I’ve really let himdown. However the feeling to let him in and tell him is in a way amazing. I canfeel already we’ve turned a corner in our relationship. Even though he’sshocked and obviously upset and let down, I don’t feel all is lost. He didn’tshout at me and scream. He listened, asked lots of questions and has tried tounderstand how I feel. I will try and give him as much time as I can to comeround and we had a very frank discussion. It turns out he knew something wasn’tright, he wasn’t sure what but it has affected our relationship.

Whatever happens now I don’t have the added guilt of keepinga secret and as you’ve said, if he can’t accept this is wasn’t meant to be.

I've also told my parents and my dad has offered to help me out. I still want to clear as much as I can on my own and learn to budget and spend less.

Googlewhacker

glad you told him, takes all the pressure off!

theoretica

As you say you spend when you feel down can you find something else to do when you feel you need cheering up? I don't know what that may be for you - a long bath, go jogging, bake a cake, sell something on ebay, visit the zoo... I find it easier to replace a habit rather than try to remove it without a replacement.

Learning2Budget

I know exactly what you mean. I shop to make myself happy or rather I used to. I still have little spends now but i budget for it and when the pot is dry then treats are over. I bet you have loads of barely used stuff, clothes that you bought on a whim or cosmetics. Ebay them all....people will even buy opened cosmetics.
Im glad you told your partner, hopefully u can now move on.
L2B.x

Wellyboots6

I have tried writing a list of odd jobs that need doing around the house. Trying to do something to cross off the list each time I feel like spending.

Only problem is I am very good at justifying to myself why I should spend!