Emotional spender

Stressedbear_2

Hi everyone,

This is my first post and I hope to meet some like minded spenders:-)

I owe approx 13k at the moment,

Santander loan 8300 (approx)
Rbs cc 2995
Odraft 1700

Rather than doing a full Soa I pay

650 mortgage (including bills, c tax and food)
70 insurance
80 petrol
29 gym
36 phone
270 loan
65 cc ( min payment)
25 o/draft interest


I have £340 a month left. So I'm not doing too bad but my main problem is my spending habits.

How can I live off less and pay more off?

I get down about debt so I spend then I get down cause I spend.
To make things a bit worse, I hate my job but can't leave as I've had 3 in the last year. Which gets me down and then I spend, I'm getting married next year. No idea how I'll afford it.
Can't tell my Partner as he I dead against debt and would leave.

I feel in a vicious circle of spending/debts and lying ns I feel it's making me ill:(

I don't know where to start and it makes it worse as is all my fault, I've been well paid for over 3 years and simply overspent.

How can I break this habit?

Is anyone going through anything similar?

fairydust30

If you were looking to save on what you already spend on bills then gym and mobile. I have both of these and the gym is my ONLY thing (dont go out, dont spend on anything unnecessary but the gym!) and mine is £34. I would try and cut ur mobile but then u prob on a contract - u have a lot of money left over so u need to dedicate that to your debts but budget yourself a little spending money - look at what uve been spending money on and see if you can narrow it down.

Im sure your partner wouldnt leave you over debt - if he would then hes not a keeper! Sorry to be blunt but thats just me. I know what u mean about emotional spending though - theres sometimes when I just want to buy something - anything to make myself better - not necessarily for me (I have two kids) if im in that mood I end up treating them!
BUT u have to bear in mind that this is a lot of money u owe and you need to pay if off or ull be in debt forever. Im certain with your leftover you wont have to go 'without' just narrow your spending down.

Wellyboots6

Wow, sounds very similar to my story (except I'm not getting married )

I have no advice for you just yet I'm afraid as I am literally 2 days back on track with my spending since going off the rails again for a week or so.

I spend when I get down or stressed. Although this time I have really landed myself in it (see my Struggling but Determined diary!) and think I might have made a big boo boo this time.

If you find a cure then I would be keen to hear it!!

fairydust30

oh and I know u say u cant leave ur job - but for the sake of your health you need to by the sound of it. I know it doesnt look good to have job jumped but you cant continue in a job you hate - the stress its causing you is affecting you mentally/emotionally and most probably physically!

Stressedbear_2

I know it's all do easier said than done isn't it!

I'm contracted on my phone until 2013. I use the gym to keep me sane. I always seem to be a Month behind.

Funnily enoughy you've said all the things I already know like leaving my job and telling my fianc! I guess I don't have te guts:-(

I know in three years I'll be clear I'm worried about after, it's the spending I need to sort - I've only managed to go two months in years where I haven't spend on credit:-(

fairydust30

Im the same with the gym - its one thing Im determined to hang onto.

If you have £300 plus spare every month I dont get why youre spending on credit as well - thats a LOT of money - I dont even have £10 spare - hardly ever have family days out or buy anything nice or unnecessary. You could try the demotivator tool that MSE refers to all the time

Stressedbear_2

I'll that a try thanks.

That's what I mean I'm an emotional spender, I can't even control the min payments I need to make let alone make a dent in the rest,

It makes it harder not telling my boyf as I have to go on spending like I have 650 a month!!!

It's piling on now as he wants to start saving and try for a family next year:-/

Allypops

You'll probably have other expenses to come out of the £340. I am thinking of things like...car maintenance, MOT costs, entertainment, clothes, magazines (if you're anything like me ), lunches, coffees and snacks, christmas and birthday pressies, decorating and home maintenance costs etc. etc. That's why the full Statement of Affairs can be helpful and although it is a little scary to do on a public forum some people on here are very good at pointing out potential areas for savings.

It's a big secret to keep from your partner so must be putting a lot of pressure on you especially if you think he would react in the way you describe. However, if you are not able to share this problem with him I think you need (with the help of the DFWS) to find a way of stopping the spending and be well on the way to dealing with the debt before you get married as it is the sort of secret that can grow and grow if you dont sort it. My debt is huge but all big debts start somewhere and mine are just a general monthly overspend over several years.....fast forward 16 years of marriage and hey presto 76k of unsecured debt AND a couple of consolidations on the mortgage. DH knows, and is at least as bad as me at spending so we don't have any secrets. If you continued to overspend and ended up in a position where you HAD to confess a large debt it could really destroy trust for a long, long time maybe even irrevocably. Keeping financial secrets in the long term would be such a burden on you.

How long does your loan have to go? Could you cut the gym and exercise for free now that spring is on the way? Walking and running could be much more doable in the lighter evenings to come.

If you think you should have £340 left each month perhaps you can keep a spending diary and put absolutely everything in to see exactly where those pennies are going. Little things add up as I found with my morning coffee and pain au raisin! Did I want it? YES! Did I need it? Hell no.

Joining some of the challenges on here might help you, especially something like the No spend days challenge although I am sure there are many more. Might help you to get the same sort of buzz from saving money as you may currently be getting from spending it.

If you take action now, you can sort it, today could be the highest debts you'll ever had and you wont be storing up trouble for the future. I've seen what secret debt can do with friends and families and it aint pretty. So hopefully, if this is your LBM you needn't go down that road.

I don't know if any of this is helpful and I hope it doesn't sound preachy because believe me I'm in no position to lecture others on financial management!! I am constantly itching to spend...for instance I wanted to get a takeaway today and I have seen a lovely top in Monsoon and would love some new Duo boots and, and, and BUT........must not spend, must not spend.

So what's your next step going to be, do you think?

Stressedbear_2

Thanks allybobs. Ok rest of Soa

Tax 10
Car maintenance free (partner is a mechanic)
Holidays 100 (have to put that away)
Eating out 50 (terrible I know
Bank charges 25 on average - I'm always over te massive oversraft
Hair 36
Clothes, make up, general living goes on the rest.

I never save for birthdays and am always short. This month I've had to sell stuff on eBay and pay on my credit card as I've no money:-(

I don't know what to do next to be honest I feel lost.

My original plan was to pay the minimum and try an live on the 340 without going over then chip away at that to make extra payments but I only managed it one month:-(

Allypops

That makes more sense now, SB, and shows where the extra is going.

If you are discussing starting a family things get a bit more tricky too, as far as keeping the debt from him. If you were on reduced pay or had to go on Statutory Maternity Pay you would be hard pressed to keep up with payments on your own.


No one can tell you whether or not to tell him. But the way things are, there is a good chance he is going to have to find out sooner or later and it might be better initiated by you now rather than in a crisis point later, maybe when you are already both stressed out with a newborn (think severe sleep deprivation being thrown in). You also might find yourself having to tell more and more fibs to explain where money is going - tangled webs and all that.

If you do decide to tell him now, you could perhaps tell him that you need his help and confess you've got yourself into a bit of pickle and that you want to sort it out once and for all. If he is the one for you he'll support you through it. He might throw a wobbly first, but he'll support you. If not....

Of course only you know your partner and your situation but debt is is hard to deal with alone.

Keep posting and get some support while you work your way through things in your mind.

Stressedbear_2

Ok I don't think I will have the gutts to tell him just yet so can we say I'll work on it?

The plan in the meantime is to swap my cc to a 0%
I have the option of a 0% graduate overdraft so I an save 25 a month and pay that off
Then if I can find an extra 100 a month to make a dent on the debts
I'll get a bonus at Xmas can you recommend any other ways to raise extra cash, stop me spending?

I'm not ignoring your advice it's just a bit soon for confessions