How do we get to savings?!

opinions4u

Beki88 wrote: »

As per my previous comment, it is not a case of making friends or learning to co-exist, the situation behind them not seeing him is more complex than you could imagine and I do not wish to go into it. I merely asked for some advice to access his savings account not how to have a family reunion with a bunch of people who have no respect for me or my son. I said before please excuse me seeming rude but it is a sore subject for me even after 7 years.

I wasn't telling you how to have a family reunion.

I posted an accurate explanation as to who has what rights when it comes to the money in that account.

I don't actually give a to$$ about the background to your family disagreements. I was trying to make it clear that the decision to access those funds is not yours and this isn't going to change.

Some of the money that is in the account is money that was given to me to buy things for him but I chose at the time to put into the account as I didn't need anything at that given moment if that makes sense? The rest was maintenance that again I put into the account until I needed it, along with any small amount I could afford (up to a few years back) which is why I feel a bit annoyed at him not being able to get to it, as it is his money. The actual amount his grandad opened it with isn't worth arguing about.

It doesn't matter who put the money in there or why. As soon as you did this, you gave the trustee control.

I don't mind opening another one, chances are I can certainly find a better interest rate it just comes back to the issue of accessing the old one (sorry I sound like a broken record).

And I've explained who can access those funds. It isn't you.

Thank you very much to everyone with their helpful advice and sorry for the waffle on.

It's nice that you got to a thank you.

Some other parts of your response were rude (as you admitted).

Mojisola

Beki88 wrote: »

I have spoken to them again and they have said until he (grandad) speaks to them there is nothing they can do, at 16 they will contact him however the address they have on file is the same as the one the account was opened with and he no longer lives there (has moved several times so probably wouldn't even be forwarded). They said the letter would probably be returned and the account placed on hold. So looks like we have no choice but to give up!

When he is 16, get in touch with them. Look on the account as long term savings.

Open another account for any future savings.

atush

It doesn't really matter about being married/divorced. You could have had the bank accts sorted at the same time as the maintenance.

I never recommend putting a child's maintenance into an acct you don't have access to, or in the child's name. It is for you to spend feeding clothing etc the child so should go into your acct. So do make sure that this os what you take forward.

And you are right, it is none of our business about your private family matters, but when it comes to kids we usually suggest the adult buries their pride/feelings. If you feel you cannot contact them, does this mean your child has no contact with his father? Can you try writing, rather than speaking and say you need x amt for x?

xylophone

See my post above and especially http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/tdsi/children.htm
Might it not be a good idea to print this off and send it to wherever grandpa is now, asking him to keep the address on the account up to date?

Beki88

opinions4u wrote: »

I wasn't telling you how to have a family reunion.

I posted an accurate explanation as to who has what rights when it comes to the money in that account.

I don't actually give a to$$ about the background to your family disagreements. I was trying to make it clear that the decision to access those funds is not yours and this isn't going to change.

I do apologise but I genuinely felt that your post came across in a way to suggest I should let them into our lives again which is not something I want. If you read at the end of my post I did say it looks like we have no choice but to give up so I did understand what you were trying to say.

opinions4u wrote: »

It doesn't matter who put the money in there or why. As soon as you did this, you gave the trustee control.

And I've explained who can access those funds. It isn't you.

I realise this now but again at the time I did not, so this has certainly made me be more careful with accounts thank you.

opinions4u wrote: »

It's nice that you got to a thank you.

Some other parts of your response were rude (as you admitted).

Again apologies for my comments, I do get defensive when it comes to the issue of "family", I never intended them to be as rude as they sounded but sometimes there is no other way to word things, I am sure some of your posts weren't intended to sound rude but they did so perhaps we can both learn something from this? I do appreciate you taking the time to respond, and like I said I have now come to understand there is little/nothing I can do.

atush wrote: »

It doesn't really matter about being married/divorced. You could have had the bank accts sorted at the same time as the maintenance.

I never recommend putting a child's maintenance into an acct you don't have access to, or in the child's name. It is for you to spend feeding clothing etc the child so should go into your acct. So do make sure that this os what you take forward.

And you are right, it is none of our business about your private family matters, but when it comes to kids we usually suggest the adult buries their pride/feelings. If you feel you cannot contact them, does this mean your child has no contact with his father? Can you try writing, rather than speaking and say you need x amt for x?

I wasn't aware about sorting out things like that back then, I was a little naive in thinking it would all be ok, silly I know but I was rather young, maintenance was done automatically as back then I was classed as a single parent. I have tried contacting him but to no avail, no address for him, and no he has no contact with any of the paternal side.

xylophone wrote: »

See my post above and especially http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/tdsi/children.htm
Might it not be a good idea to print this off and send it to wherever grandpa is now, asking him to keep the address on the account up to date?

I don't have any address for grandad at all, and he is not replying to the number that I have text on I haven't rang as he never ever answered the phone to me before. I remember filling in that form however the address that was registered is again no longer correct with no way to update.

atush

Is maintenance being paid now? How and from where? Do you know the father's employer? Any other friends and relatives? Does no one actually check on your child/visit? Very sad, but there may be ways of tracing them if you really want/need to.

I might contact the CAB (re getting maintenance out of said acct), or a local private investigator if you have no other leads and want to maintain contact in some way for your child's sake.

Good luck with things going forwards.

Beki88

atush wrote: »

Is maintenance being paid now? How and from where? Do you know the father's employer? Any other friends and relatives? Does no one actually check on your child/visit? Very sad, but there may be ways of tracing them if you really want/need to.

I might contact the CAB (re getting maintenance out of said acct), or a local private investigator if you have no other leads and want to maintain contact in some way for your child's sake.

Good luck with things going forwards.

Thank you for your reply, yes maintenance is being paid, he avoided it for a year and half after he changed his job, then I ended up owing him due to the CSA's negligence (whole other thread). It is now paid by a deductions of earning straight into my bank.
I am rather glad in one sense they do not see him as they caused a whole lot of problems and they were not good for him, and did not appreciate his needs as like I mentioned he has Autism. I occasionally see the Nana however none of the family speak to each other, and whenever I do see her she hardly ever asks about him or says she will come and see him yet never does. I gave up chasing a long time ago when I realised ultimately not seeing them is better for him.
I am going to leave the account and learn from my mistakes so to speak. Who knows things may change by the time he is 16, 9 years is a long time so anything could happen. Thank you (goes to everyone)