Anyone else have a big imbalance in the guest list?

daisiegg

I'm not REALLY worried about this but I have been thinking about it a bit.

OH and I are going to have a hugely imbalanced guest list. He has hardly any family - just his daughter, his mum (his dad is dead), his brother, his sister and his sister's baby (sister is single). Even if his daughter brings a friend or boyfriend, and even if his brother and sister both have partners by the time we get married next year (unlikely but possible) it will still mean only 8 or so family from his side.

He will also invite some friends and workmates but (this sounds terrible) he doesn't really have many friends...not that he is not nice or unsociable or anything, it's just that he has moved around quite a lot for work so never stayed in one place long enough to make lasting friendships, and I think he also reached an age a few years ago where a lot of friends he did have started having babies and dropping out of social life. I know he is quite friendly with a lot of people at work and will probably invite people, but how many will come is a different matter, as he commutes into London from north of London but lots of his friends at work commute in from the other side, Kent etc.

I, on the other hand, can boast two parents, two siblings, four grandparents, 10 aunts and uncles (close enough to invite), 14 cousins (most of whom have +1s and are also close enough to invite), plus about 6 other assorted family members who will need to be invited, lots of close friends at work who will come as they all live locally, and quite a few friends who will probably come (I'm still young enough to still be in touch with school and university friends).

Does anyone else have this situation? It's just the way it is and there's nothing that can be done about it, and I obviously adore my fiance and I know that he is a great person and would be a great friend, it's just the way his life has worked out over the last 8 years or so he hasn't really formed lasting friendships. I just wonder if people will think it's strange. Not that I should care what they think...we definitely won't be having 'bride's side' and 'groom's side' in the church and we will mix up the tables for the meal...but....oh...I don't know! Tell me I'm being silly and it's nothing to worry about?

daisiegg

I keep watching Don't Tell The Bride and the groom always has a really really close friend as best man and then loads of other groomsmen and good friends who help with things and stuff,...and I feel a bit sad that OH doesn't have that (although I don't think he is sad about it!) His brother will be his best man and my brother will be a groomsman and that will be it, really. He's also not remotely close to his brother.

Hezzawithkids

My family is exactly the same. It's huge (loads of siblings, aunts, cousins etc) and my OH's family is tiny (hardly anyone) but we do have plenty of joint friends that filled up "his" side nicely. That's just the way things are, not much you can do to change it is there? How does your fianc! feel about it? If he's okay with it then invite whoever you need to then relax and enjoy the day. If he's feeling outnumbered then you have the age-old balancing act to deal with. You won't be the first bride to go into training for the diplomatic corps over the guest list and you won't be the last either!

johannalf88

It's silly and nothing to worry about!

Seriously though, I really wouldn't worry. I am in a similar situation to your OH, don't keep in touch with any friends from my uni, and have no close friends from work, just acquaintances. Been moving aroun a bit for last few years. The friends I do have are OH friends from Uni, and 2 people I stay in touch with from school (OH best man and my old best friend). Thing is tho, I would trust these people with my life, I always think its quality of friends not quantity.

Just think of it that your OH has very high standards, doesn't settle for anything but the best, and he chose you!

Oh and as for the guest list, my OH has 8 cousins, plus ones make 11, I have 3! I never really thought about it, and buy the time we sit down for a meal, I will have OHs family an he will have mine!

sugarwalsh

Daisiegg, I really wouldn't worry about it. You can hardly create a family for him from no where. Or a best man. Stop comparing yourself to others, relax and enjoy the planning!

74jax

I'm another one for don't worry about it.

We're in a similar situ. OH will only be inviting his mum and herhusband, his sister and her husband and their twins (which are due this summer :T). I'm inviting my brother and SIL, and then 4 very close friends and partners.

I hadn't even thought of brides side and grooms side. We'll be taking our vows the other way round, so i'll be standing on his right side so that'll throw a spanner in the works :rotfl:

I have thought because it's a small ceremony of having 3 lines of an arch of chairs, so there's no gap in the middle, but undecided.

i do think nowadays people sit anywhere.

catalunya

I agree with all the posters, my fiance and I are the same. In terms of family its fairly even, but when it comes to friends, its completely unbalanced. A lot of his male friends are my friends bf's and he doesnt see much of his old school friends so when they do invite him out, i always force him to go lol.

I shouldnt worry about it though as during the day I doubt you'll notice it!

daisiegg

Thanks everyone. I know I'm being silly! I think it's just, you know when you love someone so much and you're fiercely protective of them and don't want anyone to think badly of them. I don't want people to think it's weird that OH doesn't have many guests/friends, or that he doesn't have 257 groomsmen (where did the groomsmen thing come from anyway? and the need to 'balance' the wedding party? is it an American thing? I'd heard of the best man before but had never heard of groomsmen until I started thinking about this wedding and talking to people!) It's stupid because he doesn't care about it. I'm his best friend and he is mine and that, along with loving and supportive family, is enough for him I think.

johannalf88

I find Groomsmen are useful when you have a few close friends. But other than that you don't need them. My OH has his Best man from school, and his 2 close uni friends as Groomsmen. It was because he wanted them involved.

And I have just realised that that does balance out the wedding party! Lol! But accidentally so it doesn't count!! :rotfl:

Idiophreak

daisiegg wrote: »

I keep watching Don't Tell The Bride and the groom always has a really really close friend as best man and then loads of other groomsmen and good friends who help with things and stuff,...and I feel a bit sad that OH doesn't have that (although I don't think he is sad about it!) His brother will be his best man and my brother will be a groomsman and that will be it, really. He's also not remotely close to his brother.

Reminds me of the film "I love you, man"?

All about a dude who has no male friends so, when he gets engaged, sets out to try and make a friend good enough to have as his best man. I quite enjoyed it.

Back on topic, however...don't worry about it. It's just life.

I'd vote for not distinguishing between the bride and groom's sides for seating guests - but a lot of people will do that automatically, so maybe ask some of your friends etc to make sure they sit on both sides. (ironically, normally taken care of by ushers )

It will be fine, anyway, nobody will even notice.

double_mummy

out of 45 day guests 25 will just be OHs family (22 of which i have never met) another 6 are close family friends to the OH
so 31 out of 41 (not including me OH and our kids) will be his side i then have 10 on my side of which only 5 are actually related
and both of our groomsmen are living abroad so they are no help at all except threatening to tie OH to a lampost on his stag