Asking my 20 year old son to leave home

Standingtall

Hi all. Unfortunately I have reached the end of the road with my 20 year old son. He only works part time, has made no real efforts to find further work and only gives me £10 a week lodge.

I have my own financial issues and am currently paying my debts through a DMP with Payplan. My income was reduced through several reasons thus my inability to keep up payments on my credit cards.

I have now found out that my son has racked up £1000 plus I'm debts, for the second time (his grandparents paid them the first time).

I simply cannot afford to support him any longer. The electric, gas, council tax, food - are all higher whilst he is here.

Added to this I know he is not paying his debts and I worry about CCJs and then the dreaded bailiffs. I have a 12 year old daughter and I am worried that she would be home alone and allow them to enter. I know what they should and shouldn't do but I also know what they do do.

He has also stolen cash from me in the past.

So; I have given him a fortnight to find somewhere to live and i am willing to write a letter to the benefits people. Does anyone know the best way to go about all this and what will actually happen please.

BigAunty

Assuming your son isn't on the tenancy, then he is simply a permitted or excluded occupier and has no rights to remain in the family home. If he refuses to leave, you can ask the police to escort him out. Perhaps if he's indicating some kind of refusal to leave, you could have a word with a community police officer to see what they advise they can do.

If he has a copy of the key, make sure you fit new locks. Usually, you don't have to fit entirely new ones, just change the barrel which takes just a screwdriver and maybe one or two other tools at most.

His debt issues should not affect your credit rating - it is debt assigned to the person, not the house. There are various strategies for dealing with debt collectors/bailiffs should this happen, such as not opening the door or letting them in, plus you should return all his post to sender 'not at this address'.

No requirement on your part to write to the benefits people as far as I can tell - it's up to him to make his claims at a new address should be entitled to some housing benefit. Or is it because you are on benefits and there are some non-dependent deductions that are made for housing benefit or council tax, for example?

You could give him details of the local council homeless unit now so he can call them about his situation, plus Shelter have information on how a local council should deal with a homelessness application. Homelessness is about having no security of tenure past the next 28 days so he can make an application with them now. Local councils are notorious for trying to wriggle out of their obligations, though, particularly for the single.
As a single person without disabilities or dependents, he won't be considered a high priority for social housing but should still be given advice on how to find private accommodation, perhaps temporary accommodation, not too sure really.

You can find out the maximum Local Housing Allowance rate for a room in a shared property (which is all he is entitled to, not a self contained 1 bedroom property) on the local council or Direct Gov website.

If you put his details into the Turn2us online benefit calculator, it will take into account his employment income. Apart from a reduction in council tax and perhaps some LHA, he won't be eligible for any other benefits, so it will be a shock to his system for him to cope with his expenses when he's used to having everything for a tenner.

You can supply this info to him in advance along with the Shelter info, the council homeless webpage and the MSE budget planner spreadsheet which will show him you are serious, plus you could also print off adverts for cheap accommodation on the Gumtree and spareroom websites for him to call, even a suitcase.

It's up to him whether or not he takes these massive hints and tries to avert being homeless and tries to up his income or thinks some solution will simply drop out of the sky for him.

cattie

Can you see if you can find out some info in the Shelter website?

Sorry to hear that you've been pushed to the end of your tether, but fully understand that you feel he must leave home & stand on his own two feet now. With luck it will be the making of him & in the not too distant future will see how badly he has behaved & be man enough to admit it to you & be able to say sorry to you & thank you for putting up with him during the years that he was only thinking of himself.

Right now, you've got to think of yourself & your daughter & no matter how hard it might be, I think you are doing the right thing in making your son take responsibility for himself.

Standingtall

Thanks bigauntie and cattie. Much appreciated:)

BigAunty

Also, some councils operate rent deposit guarantee schemes for those seeking private accommodation but can't afford the deposit, usually aimed at those on low income and/or in housing need. Check if your council runs one and whether he fits the criteria.

My brother was a lazy swine that drove my folks mad, my dad used to physically drag him out of bed when he went to work, kicking him out of the house and telling him to go to the job centre. His life wasn't made comfortable in the house, he then joined the army and made something of himself. Funnily enough, he's now not happy with his son's work ethic and behaviour....

DylanO

Is he planning to go and live with his soft-touch grandparents and sponge off of them?

Standingtall

DylanO wrote: »

Is he planning to go and live with his soft-touch grandparents and sponge off of them?

This has been my worry but I think my Dad has now had enough too and will simply send him packing. He harasses them constantly for money and I this has been part of the problem. He may have been more tempted to find a job with more hours had it not been for the bank of Grandparents. I have had many arguments with them over the issue but it's simply flogging a dead horse.

It's got to the point now though that I think if they are stupid enough to take him in then so be it. I just hope thy don't.

McKneff

DylanO wrote: »

Is he planning to go and live with his soft-touch grandparents and sponge off of them?

Us long term users are kindly asked to be kind to Newbies, but

the Newbies have also got to be nice to the Newbies too.

If you cant help or at least be civil, dont waste your time posting, its as simple as that.
Or you end up alienating yourself so that no one wants to help you when you need it.

It's very easy to edit a post.:D

DylanO

McKneff wrote: »

Us long term users are kindly asked to be kind to Newbies, but

the Newbies have also got to be nice to the Newbies too.

If you cant help or at least be civil, dont waste your time posting, its as simple as that.
Or you end up alienating yourself so that no one wants to help you when you need it.

It's very easy to edit a post.:D

The user I was speaking to has no problem with my post. I may be a new poster, but I'm not a new reader.

vax2002

Sit him down and show him all the bills and say what is your suggestion ?
Here is mine, your board from next week is £50
If you can find somewhere for less, good luck.
Make sure you have your board next week, on time !

dseventy

Standingtall wrote: »

and i am willing to write a letter to the benefits people. Does anyone know the best way to go about all this and what will actually happen please.

Given your son is as clueless as you protray him, why not let him take some responsbility and ask him to find out what his options are.

Have you spoken to him about your concerns and your plans?
Have you asked him to look at the "benefits" options?

Perhaps this chat about your concerns and your plans might be the push he needs to shapen up?

D70