Newly engaged and SO many questions!

daisiegg

I can't believe how excited I am to FINALLY be able to post properly on this board rather than sticking to the 'waiting for a proposal' thread and reading everything else, feeling slightly like I'm tempting fate!

So I got engaged on Tuesday and am, obviously, very excited and happy. However I'm the girl who always says "I just want to be his wife, wedding planning sounds like a nightmare" and I am a little bit scared. On the one hand I want a very traditional church wedding, with me in a white dress, and a big party in the evening for everyone we know - but on the other hand, having to plan that scares the cr*p out of me!

I have a few questions that you ladies might be able to help with, so any ideas on any of them would be amazing! Thanks in advance...

• How quickly is it possible to plan a traditional wedding? We are looking at 22nd December 2012 as our first choice date, but is that just too soon to realistically be able to do it?
• Leading on from that, in your opinion would people come to a wedding that is just a couple of days before Christmas (particularly considering lots of my family live in Scotland so it's a lot of travelling)?
• What's the first thing to sort out - church or reception venue? You need both to be sorted simultaneously surely as one is no good without the other! so how do you manage that?
• I know there are loads of questions about budget on the board already but if we wanted a fairly traditional white wedding with a reception in a country house hotel, and are not that crafty or time-rich so will probably not be making lots ourselves, what is a realistic budget? Have been looking at local wedding venues and it looks like just the reception is likely to set us back around 8,000, which makes my eyes water!
• Bridesmaids - how did you decide who to have? I have got my sister, my best friend and OH's daughter, but there is another friend that I would really like to have. We used to be extremely close and we've been there for the ups and downs of each other's lives, but a few years ago she moved away and we have only been seeing each other a couple of times a year. Is is a really bad idea to ask someone like that to be a BM? has anyone got any experience of asking someone who isn't very local to them to be a BM? It's just whenever I pictured my wedding all through my life, she was always going to be a bridesmaid.
• MONEY - how should I ask my parents if they are planning to contribute to the wedding? I really really have no clue about this. My OH earns quite a lot more than my dad and we don't have any expectation of them paying for anything, but it is traditional and I wouldn't be surprised if they were planning to at least pay for something small. But the problem is if we want to start planning the wedding ASAP, we really need to know so we can work out our budget.

I think that's all for now...my head is absolutely spinning!

Thanks in advance for any thoughts or comments...

SaLoGo

daisiegg wrote: »

I can't believe how excited I am to FINALLY be able to post properly on this board rather than sticking to the 'waiting for a proposal' thread and reading everything else, feeling slightly like I'm tempting fate!

So I got engaged on Tuesday and am, obviously, very excited and happy. However I'm the girl who always says "I just want to be his wife, wedding planning sounds like a nightmare" and I am a little bit scared. On the one hand I want a very traditional church wedding, with me in a white dress, and a big party in the evening for everyone we know - but on the other hand, having to plan that scares the cr*p out of me!

I have a few questions that you ladies might be able to help with, so any ideas on any of them would be amazing! Thanks in advance...

• How quickly is it possible to plan a traditional wedding? We are looking at 22nd December 2012 as our first choice date, but is that just too soon to realistically be able to do it?
  If you can afford to do it in December do it! I wish I could do mine this year! My first wedding was planned in 5 weeks so it can be done!
• Leading on from that, in your opinion would people come to a wedding that is just a couple of days before Christmas (particularly considering lots of my family live in Scotland so it's a lot of travelling)?
  Where are you having the wedding? How far do they have to travel? I would imagine some people wouldn't (or couldn't afford to) travel that close to Xmas.
• What's the first thing to sort out - church or reception venue? You need both to be sorted simultaneously surely as one is no good without the other! so how do you manage that?
  We went to view 5 venues, found out what dates were available then went to see the vicar and luckily he had the date free that we wanted with our favourite venue. Saying that, it was booked 22 months in advance!
• I know there are loads of questions about budget on the board already but if we wanted a fairly traditional white wedding with a reception in a country house hotel, and are not that crafty or time-rich so will probably not be making lots ourselves, what is a realistic budget? Have been looking at local wedding venues and it looks like just the reception is likely to set us back around 8,000, which makes my eyes water!
  There's only you who can decide what a realistic budget is. Have you got an overall budget? Our reception venue was about a third of our whole budget
• Bridesmaids - how did you decide who to have? I have got my sister, my best friend and OH's daughter, but there is another friend that I would really like to have. We used to be extremely close and we've been there for the ups and downs of each other's lives, but a few years ago she moved away and we have only been seeing each other a couple of times a year. Is is a really bad idea to ask someone like that to be a BM? has anyone got any experience of asking someone who isn't very local to them to be a BM? It's just whenever I pictured my wedding all through my life, she was always going to be a bridesmaid.
  Mine were easy... My 3 nieces aged 10, 11 & 12! Can't afford any more so that was that. What you have to think about is dress fittings etc. Is it going to be easy to arrange shopping trips etc.
• MONEY - how should I ask my parents if they are planning to contribute to the wedding? I really really have no clue about this. My OH earns quite a lot more than my dad and we don't have any expectation of them paying for anything, but it is traditional and I wouldn't be surprised if they were planning to at least pay for something small. But the problem is if we want to start planning the wedding ASAP, we really need to know so we can work out our budget.
  Personally I would never ask my parents to contribute, but that's just my opinion. Maybe you could work out what you can afford to spend then wait and see if they offer to contribute, then if they do you will save some money, or have extra to spend!

I think that's all for now...my head is absolutely spinning!

Thanks in advance for any thoughts or comments...

Given you a few thoughts above

daisiegg

Thanks very much SaLoGo!

I know what you mean about asking parents to contribute. But they are fairly traditional, I am fairly young (24) and their first child to get married...I don't know, I just wouldn't be surprised if they expected to contribute a small amount. On the other hand, I know when they got married my mum's parents paid for a lot of it and she hated the fact that her mother felt that she had control over what it would be like as they were paying for it - so I get a feeling that my mum will be very wary of putting me through what she went through. However it's misguided as I'm desperate for her to be involved!

LEJC

Congratulations on your engagement...I read the proposal on the other thread,and cant help but think that even when you get the proper ring...the silver one will always have a special place in your heart....

Im going to leave lots of the other questions for others to give their thoughts on...but the on but the point I want to give the advice on is the asking parents how much they want or are able to give give you...in my experience its best to plan the wedding as if they were giving nothing...then if a donation or contribution is given later it can be factored in....
You will I think find that if your parents are planning on financially helping it will become obvious without asking the direct question within the next few weeks...
once you've set a date and you start planning and telling tem about your plans if they are hoping to give you a contribution then I'm sure that gives them the right oppurtunity to say for example "we will fund the reception " or we will pay for the photographer" or "heres some money to help with the day" etc etc
When we married we never assumed that either set of parents would pay...and as it turned out once the planning started then that was the catalist for each of them mention the contribution they wanted to make...but at no point did we ask directly for any money.

sugarwalsh

Congratulations! This December is easily doable. As long as you can save for it by then and the dates are available. The only worries I would have are a) it is already a very expensive time of year for people so I personally would worry about guests paying out, b) people getting time off and c) snow! If people are travelling from Scotland is there a chance they will get snowed in?
with regards to budget you may find places more expensive then due to Christmas parties etc.
Megan

daisiegg

Thanks Megan. I have thought of all the things you mention and I reckon I'll probably be leaning towards April now... it's just I've always dreamed of a Christmas wedding

sugarwalsh

Christmas weddings are lovely. I know of someone who had one in late November. Lots of mulled wine lit fires, holly etc. Apparently it was stunning plus in a different pay month to Christmas which probably helped? Megan

SaLoGo

daisiegg wrote: »

Thanks Megan. I have thought of all the things you mention and I reckon I'll probably be leaning towards April now... it's just I've always dreamed of a Christmas wedding

Oooh April will be fab with spring in full bloom! I wanted a spring wedding but I would have had to wait til 2014 for it, it would have been pushing it slightly with the budget and paying for it.

Forgot to say in my 1st post... Congratulations and welcome to the club!

RainbowDrops

Re: Parents - I just asked mine outright (they had already contributed to my sisters wedding). No point in waiting around if you need to know what your budget is.

Re: Bridesmaids - Have who you want! But consider the costs of each BM - decide whether you are just gonna pay for dresses, or if you want them all to have matching accessories / hair etc, then you need to facto in those costs.
SaLoGo makes a good point about having BMs that will be able to come shopping etc with you.

Re: Date - Being so close to Christmas may make it tricky on your guests, especially those who might be travelling to their own families. How about something at the beginning of December instead - you could still have a Christmas theme.

daisiegg

The problem with earlier in December is that I would want to be able to go off on honeymoon straight after the wedding - hate the idea of getting married and then going back to work for a couple of weeks before going away! As I'm a teacher, this limits me to getting married at the start of the school holidays, either Christmas, Easter or Summer. I can't think of anything worse than having my amazing wedding and then returning to work for those two last crazy weeks of term when the kids are hyper and horrible...ergh...

RainbowDrops

daisiegg wrote: »

The problem with earlier in December is that I would want to be able to go off on honeymoon straight after the wedding - hate the idea of getting married and then going back to work for a couple of weeks before going away!

I did this - our Honeymoon was 2 weeks after the wedding.
I was unsure at first, but actually it was brilliant.
We got to enjoy a post wedding bubble chatting with friends, family & colleagues about the day etc after, plus we didnt have the stress of trying to pack for a honeymoon in the last few days after the wedding.
We were reasonably refreshed and calm by the time we actually went & were able to enjoy activities on the hols (I've heard so many friends who honeymooned straight after the wedding say they were too pooped to do anything).