Newly engaged and SO many questions!

double_mummy

nothing helpful but hi xxx

Idiophreak

RainbowDrops wrote: »

I did this - our Honeymoon was 2 weeks after the wedding.
I was unsure at first, but actually it was brilliant.
We got to enjoy a post wedding bubble chatting with friends, family & colleagues about the day etc after, plus we didnt have the stress of trying to pack for a honeymoon in the last few days after the wedding.
We were reasonably refreshed and calm by the time we actually went & were able to enjoy activities on the hols (I've heard so many friends who honeymooned straight after the wedding say they were too pooped to do anything).

Meh, my OH's also a teacher, so we wanted to have the honeymoon straight after and flew out the next day. Didn't have any problems at all. It took a couple of hours to pack up the last couple of bits and pieces before we left, but nothing too stressful - we'd planned in advance, had done most of the packing and had a great big checklist for the rest of the stuff.

We planned the first couple of days honeymoon to be lazing at the beach in order to recover from the stresses and strains of the thing - if you're going to recover, you may as well do it in the sunshine! After a couple of days, we were fully caught up on sleep, sorted the (mild) jet lag and were ready to press on.

The amount of stress teaching puts on my wife, we'd probably have had to build more R&R time into the honeymoon had she gone back to work after the wedding. Wedding planning was much less stressful for her than work

Chrissy1981

Congratulations! With regards to bridesmaids, I had my sister and 2 best friends but I would have loved a 3rd friend who, like you, I've known for years and we've been through lots together but she's about 10 years older than me and had previously told me she wouldn't want to be a bridesmaid at her age, and she lives quite a way away from me.

So I asked her to be a witness and she was so honoured. Or you could ask her to do a reading?

Debbiecatal

Congratulations on your engagement! Why not broach the subject of payment with your parents by asking them if they want to contribute and if so, perhaps they can pay for items that are very traditionally the bride's costs. For example they could pay for your dress and perhaps your bridesmaids' dresses, or if they have more money available, for the reception venue?

I am a mother of the bride and we are paying about 2/3 of our daughter's wedding costs - basically we offered what we could afford and they have topped it up. She is our only daughter so we won't have to do it again and we are really happy to do it - I wish I could pay for it all, but to have the wedding she wants she needs more than we can afford.

findingmyownway

Congratulations!:j

Regarding the money - how much influence do you want your parents to have on the wedding? IMO, if you ASK them to contribute you're asking them to be involved in the planning. If you want to organise it yourself without people sticking their nose in, I would plan on paying for it yourselves and then wait for parents to OFFER a contribution. That way, you can gratefully accept yet you don't owe them too much input into how many great-aunt-mables get an invite.

December is very do-able as a timeframe, but agree it depends on how far your guests would have to travel. People with kids often dont like being away from home at xmas either.

Budget - if your reception alone is £8k then it sounds quite grand - I assume you're going to want the photos/flowers/dress etc to 'match' ? If so then as I starting point i'd be thinking of £15K. This is based on our reception & venue being £5.5K and we are looking at £11k total spend. Obviously you can cut back / be more extravagent on any part of it but as a guide I don't think its a bad starting point. PM me if you want more details of our current budget.

daisiegg

Ergh, I don't particularly want a desperately 'grand' reception but there are three local possibilities (don't want to travel too far away) and each look to be around £8k which SUCKS I'd be happy to go small-scale elsewhere.

minerva_windsong

I'll try and answer the questions I can help with:

• How quickly is it possible to plan a traditional wedding? We are looking at 22nd December 2012 as our first choice date, but is that just too soon to realistically be able to do it?

Definitely - my sister and her husband came back to the UK from New Zealand in the February of the year they got married and were married that December. Admittedly my mum did start on the initial enquiries before they came back but the vast majority of it was done once they were back in the country.

• Leading on from that, in your opinion would people come to a wedding that is just a couple of days before Christmas (particularly considering lots of my family live in Scotland so it's a lot of travelling)?

Yes - my OH's brother got married on the 20th of December a few years back and had about 150 people at the wedding, which was in a barn in the middle of nowhere. That said I would be letting people know sooner rather than later as they may be going away for Christmas etc.

• MONEY - how should I ask my parents if they are planning to contribute to the wedding? I really really have no clue about this. My OH earns quite a lot more than my dad and we don't have any expectation of them paying for anything, but it is traditional and I wouldn't be surprised if they were planning to at least pay for something small. But the problem is if we want to start planning the wedding ASAP, we really need to know so we can work out our budget.

Is there any precedent for them contributing - ie, did they contribute to siblings' weddings (if you have any), or have they said anything about doing so before? If so, I think that's a good indication they would at least give you something. I would ask them if they want to contribute but plan as if they wouldn't, so anything they give you can be seen as a bonus. Obviously you know your parents and how much involvement they would want, or how much involvement they would want if they were paying, and that might impact your decision but it's really up to you to decide whether you want that - I can only speak for myself but whilst my parents paid for quite a bit of both my sisters' weddings their attitude was 'if you want our help we'll give it to you but we won't try and force anything, it's your day'.

findingmyownway

daisiegg wrote: »

Ergh, I don't particularly want a desperately 'grand' reception but there are three local possibilities (don't want to travel too far away) and each look to be around £8k which SUCKS I'd be happy to go small-scale elsewhere.

Sorry - that was probably the wrong word! I don't want a grand reception either and certainly haven't booked one (we've gone for a woodland hotel). It's amazing how the costs soon add up though isn't it?!

catalunya

Congratulations!!

We would have loved to have our wedding this December, but due to the obvious lack of notice by my now fiancee, we are going to wait until December 2013!!

In terms of the date, we wanted to have it on the last Saturday before Christmas, but having spoken to a few family members etc, they thought it maybe a little too hectic with last minute shopping, travel, work parties etc, so we are (hopefully) booking 28th December... post Xmas comedown pre new year etc. Maybe worth having a think? Also, people will have been paid by then...

Parents - I had to ask mine outright, I knew they werent going to pay for it all as they helped me through University, but they have since told me the sum they are donating (about a 1/5th of my budget) and its definitely helped.

HTH OP, I got pretty stressed to start looking at venues but keep plugging away, you may even be able to work a discount with them if you are lucky

fawny

Congratulations daisiegs:j

Where about's in the country do you live & what sort of reception do you want? We might be able to find or suggest places you haven't though of looking at.

Personally I woundn't want a christmas wedding as I think Christmas in exciting in it's own way & I'd like another point in the year to celebrate & make a fuss each year:D