Bailing someone out of Debt

MCBIRNIE25

I have a foot in both camps here.
I agree she can't keep getting bailed out, but last time i said i werent bailing my mother out, she actually got arrested for non payment of tv licence. I had to go the cop shop and bail her out.
She needs to get a handle on her debts.
Get your credit reports,can you pay her pocket money each week? This is her money to blow as she wishes, but you keep all the cards and stuff.
Make her keep a spending diary, she will be shocked when she finds out what she blows.
The underlying cause of spending needs to be rooted out though.I made my mother go cash cold turkey, an interesting method i devised for her.
Will post it up one day soon if i get time.Best of Luck.

raq

Think you need to talk to one another in a serious way

nick1977

I concur with most people here. You are not helping her by bailing her out. I am in a similar situation. My wife is hopeless with money. I bailed her out in October by paying £1000 off her overdraft which had been high for about 4 months. By January it was back to £1000 overdrawn again.
She has asked me to give her the money (or even lend it) but I have refused to ont he basis that she runs up £80 mobile phone bills and eats out lunchtime when a packed lunch or the subdised staff canteen would cost a fraction of the money).
I think this is what you need to do:
Look at her spending with her, and work out where the money is going that it shouldn't. Possibly compromise with her that if she can prove she can reduce or eliminate completely her spending on the "bad" things, you will be prepared to help her out.
However, she *must* understand that there is a problem, otherwise you will never get anywhere.

Hope this helps

Nick

irishwench69

Hey MoneyMad :wave:

Well done on coming here and posting. You seem very clued up on your finances, but until your wife has her LBM (light bulb moment), you will not be able to move forward, as she's likely to keep racking up the debts.....

Is there any chance of showing your wife this post / thread / site, and maybe getting her to post?

You definitely need to talk frankly together, discuss more about why she's spending - is she bored, lonely, depressed? What is she spending the money on, and why is she doing it?

HTH, come and post back soon!

IW x

Sea78

Hi

I agree that you need to talk - you standing over her telling her what to do is not going to work. You need to sort it out and then decide what to do about the debt this time. Like someone has suggested, relate could help?

Sea xx

immoral_angeluk

Every time you bail her out you are inadvertently telling her 'You go out shopping and don't worry about the bills as I'll always pay it off for you'. The only way you can help her and stop this happening again is to make her sort her own mess out.

bandraoi

Could you do something like matching her debt?
For every X amount she manages to pay off you will pay off the same amount.
That way it becomes doable for her, but you're not just bailing her out.

MoneyMad

Sorry I have not thanked you for your advice, but its been difficult trying to work out what been happening so cannot give you any more info than just to say, I have done what you said and Not Bailed her out, I think she now repays the minimum and will do so over 4-6 years, I just do not know what the money was ever spent on she just wont say, and YES i think its out of boredom maybe personal issues she has with life in general. We have a joint account but i have cut up her card but she still gets given cards from other banks which I cannot STOP :-( the, from doing. Everytime i mention discussing finances she gets annoyed and does not want to discuss so I cannot progress and move forward knowing she might be getting into worse debt.

MoneyMad

Sorry for the delay, I hope what you say is true and she does not just get into worse debt! I have left the latest debt for her to sort out and i just ignore talking about it since she wont discuss it! It might take a while and it will annoy me knowing she is paying it off with minimum payments, the banks WHO ALLOWED HER TO GET INTO DEBT IN THE FIRST PLACE are probably enjoying the fact it will take her 4-6 years to repay the debt and the interest charges on top of it.

pcplum_2

Hi moneymad,

You could be my husband!!, my dear husband bailed me out loads of time until the day came when there was just no more. I am ashamed to say I spent my wages on gambling. On all these gambling chat rooms there are women saying that they hide their habit from their husbands and switch off computer when husband comes home. My husband knew what I was up to and supported me alot. I may be miles from the truth and know it is a long shot but just a thought. I am now far more disiplined than I have ever been, debt is going down and I feel alot happier now knowing that things are under control, please dont bail her out again she will be angry for a while but will eventually be alot happier.