Maintenance vs Mortgage - which wins?!

terrierabroad

hi all,
I have recently split from my partner of 12 years (3 years of which were married). The split was my fault, and the divorce is in progress.
I have a query on maintenance and mortgage payments, and although I have seen some similar questions on here, there is nothing identical to my situation, and I want to be well prepared!
I have a house in my name (with mortgage), and a loan secured on the house in both our names. Since we split, I am presently paying the full mortgage, the full loan payment, full CSA payments (agreed between us, rather than going through the CSA), and also outstanding credit cards for both of us.
I am an expat and working abroad.
Although I initially agreed a maintenance figure with my ex wife based on the CSA calculator, it now appears that I am paying a huge amount for my ex to live in our house with my children. Surely the maintenance payment paid to her should cover the kids rent etc. (My ex pays the utilities herself). I don't see why I should pay the full rent and the maintenance, as I do not have to pay maintenance for my wife?
I suggested selling up, clearing debts, and starting afresh, but this did not go down well.
How do I stand legally?

fluffnutter

What does 'it now appears that I am paying a huge amount...' mean? Are you saying you're paying more than the CSA calculator suggests? Does your ex work? Why shouldn't you be paying for your ex and children to live in their house? She's looking after your kids after all. If she couldn't afford the mortgage where would she and the kids live? Or do you think they should be living there without her??

There's missing information in your post, so apologies if I've jumped to a rather unforgiving conclusion but financial responsibility to your children necessarily includes some sort of responsibility towards their main carer, i.e. their mother. Kids can't look after themselves! Having said that, she might be earning an absolute fortune in which case you might have some moral (if not legal) objection to the sum you're paying.

If you genuinely believe you're paying too much maintenance, get some legal advice. But remember, if you limit the money you give to your ex, you're simply limiting the money you give to your children. Is this what you want?

Gigglepig

I believe you would need
- to pay the minimum CSA payment for the kids
- split assets and debts including the house as a part of the divorce settlement.
- your partner may be allowed to stay in the house until the children finish school, but may be responsible for all outgoings on the house in the meanwhile
- however if your name is on the mortgage/debts and your wife does not have the means to pay it all, then things can become tricky, since a default would also affect you

I suggest you get legal advice regarding your position and handle this now before it festers.

However I'd also think very carefully about how much I may be able to contribute to the children above and beyond the minimum CSA payments. (School fees, holidays, the costs of them flying out to visit you etc). Personally I think it is best to look for how to make the best out of the situation for the children and secondly both parents, rather than what the minimum is one can get away with.

Good luck and hope you and your ex manage to settle things in an amicable way.

Blue_Elephant

Try the "Child support" board in Benefits and Tax credits - there are people there who are very knowledgeable about these things.

fannyanna

I’m not really sure on the answer but appreciate that you can’t carry on paying everything that you were before in addition to your own expenses – presumably you’ve had to find yourself new accommodation.

Of course you need to financially support your children and by the sounds of it you’re doing that and have no qualms about paying child maintenance.

With regards to the house the sensible thing does sound like selling it and using the proceeds to clear your joint debt so that you can both make a clean break. I have no idea about the legalities of being able to sell it. Normally the fact that it’s the family home could make that difficult but I wonder if the fact that you solely own it would make a difference.

On this one I really think you would do well to speak to a lawyer. Yes it is costly but it could in the end save you a fortune.

fluffnutter

fannyanna wrote: »

..I wonder if the fact that you solely own it [the house] would make a difference.

Unlikely if they were married and it's the children's home.

But, I agree with your last (unquoted) point. Legal advice is probably a good idea

FatVonD

I've no idea about the legalities but can you actually afford to feed and house yourself after paying all that? I know I wouldn't be able to.

Trinitrotoluene

Assuming you have more than one child don't think your ex partner is going to be skint. A single mother with two kids can pull in many different benefits. In my opinion, it is unreasonable to ask you to pay all of that. I'd suggest getting proper legal advice as it should turn messy.

Pollycat

Trinitrotoluene wrote: »

Assuming you have more than one child don't think your ex partner is going to be skint. A single mother with two kids can pull in many different benefits. In my opinion, it is unreasonable to ask you to pay all of that. I'd suggest getting proper legal advice as it should turn messy.

It really depends on the Mother's circumstances.

Income Support (which also leads to a number of other benefits) is only now paid if your youngest child is under 7 years of age and this is going to change to under 5 this year (if it hasn't already done so).

If the Mum is not entitled to IS, there is JSA but the Mum wil be actively encouraged to find a job.

There is Child Benefit & Child Tax Credit - what other benefits are there?