help with girlfriend

scotsgraeme

it oculd well be she's buying because the shop assistants are nice. however i'm nice to her and her daughter, cook nice things, take them both out places, etc. i'm far from nasty to either of them.

CH27

Given what you have told us, I would think & hard about moving in with her.
You are setting yourself up for a disaster.

shegirl

If it's only when she down (and seems like she's 'down' a lot) then I'd be wondering if she has some sort of emotional problem or depression that she needs help dealing with.

Valli

If you are going to go ahead with this OP YOU need to be in control of the money.
You'll have to have a budget and give her a set amount of cash each week and NO ACCESS TO CREDIT.
That means not borrowing from friends/family/anyone/anywhere.

Rather you than me!

Hanging_by_a_thread

scotsgraeme wrote: »

i've known her about ten years, maybe a little more. when talking with her about the house it's been our house, and she's been talking about it as ours, or hers. but since the only name on mortgage is mine it'll be my neck on the line if something happens and we can't afford it. in my current job i can afford the mortgage no problem, but nothing is guaranteed. if all her money goes on nonsense, i can't rely on her paying for anything in the house, so i'm now looking at the house purchase as being entirely on my shoulders, since her spending is getting worse because of the custody stuff.

So, as I read it, you have only been in a relationship with her 8 months. In that time you have seen her spending habits spiral downwards and this problem increases when she is having problems. You know that these issues in her life are set to get worse and feel her spending habits will too.

All the while you are buying a property in your name only, yet she refers to this new place as 'ours' and 'hers'. You know that should the worst happen and you lose your job then she cant be relied upon to help make ends meet. I think you are questioning more than her financial savvy here. The gap in your relationship is widening isn't it. You are trying to move forward and get somewhere in life, starting on the property ladder etc. The lady you are with is struggling with all kinds of issues and making a mess of her finances.

Moving in together will highlight to you that you will be the one left carrying the burden and being responsible. Something I think you will come to resent very quickly. The lady you are with will only change her approaches to her money if she wants to. While she feels she can rely on you there is no real need for her to do so though, is there.

j.e.j.

Alvin Hall's books are good, on money and relationships, - might be worth a read?

But basically the two of you need to be able to communicate, honestly, about your finances and your attitudes to money. Do this before you make a commitment like living together/buying a place together, if possible.

Fire_Fox

Will your girlfriend seek medical help for this? Could be an addiction or a symptom of another mental health issue. You cannot diagnose or treat this alone.

lisawood78

This thread has been bumped by a spammer folks, it is from February