not having the best birthday :(

19lottie82

It's my 30th birthday today and my OH is taking me out for dinner and we're staying the night in a posh hotel.

BUT the problem is my Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer and is having a masectomy (?) today.

She is usually really strong and has been since the diagnosis, but when I dropped her off at the hospital she was crying and I was really upset. Alhough we keep in regular contact, we haven't always been that close but she split up with her partner last year I'm the only family she has.

I thought I was doing OK until I dropped her off at the hospital yesterday, but it's hit me quite hard.

I knwo my OH has gone to a lot of effort, and I don't want to sit there with a long face all night. Also, when I go and visit my mum tomorrow night, I don't knwo what to expect and I've got a feeling it's going to be quite upsetting (selfish I know).

mrcow

It will be as upsetting as visiting anyone who has just had major surgery. When is her operation? Today? Is anyone going to see her tonight?

19lottie82

Her op is today, she's not allowed visitors tonight so I'll be going to see her tomorrow evening.

Bangton

Hun it's bound to hit you hard. We are often not used to seeing parents cry but you have to remember she will be scared at this moment in time. I'm sure you OH has gone to a lot of effort but likewise I am sure he will understand that this is an upsetting time for you. Allow yourself to be upset, today and tomorrow when you see your mum. You can't prepare yourself for tomorrow night as it could be better or worse than you think BUT it is ok to get upset for your mum. Confide in your partner about how your feeling...cry if you need to. You need to experience this emotion. Try and have a good evening and let us know how you get on tonight and tomorrow when you see mum xxx

_Kate__2

I agree with the pp's for the advice.

Happy Birthday

j.e.j.

Try and enjoy this evening as much as you can and do let your OH know how you're feeling. He should understand that you're bound to be a bit 'pre-occupied'.

If you can't actually visit, is it possible to telephone and ask how your mum's doing?

harrys_nan

Oh love, so very sorry about your mum, but I think you should enjoy your birthday. You cannot see her tonight so you are not putting her 2nd. Enjoy you break and go and see her when you get back and you will feel more positive.
Many good wishes for your birthday.
If you was my daughter I would want you to go x

19lottie82

Thanks everyone :-) yes I'm going to call tonight and see how she's doing. Good news is the results of further tests showed the cancer hasn't spread, but it's still hard.

ognum

Happy birthday to you, I hope your birthday is good and that your Mum is in good spirits when you see her.


Just one more thing, we realise at some points in our life that we are well and truly grown up, and this is one of those times.

When we are kids are parents do everything to make our birthdays special. Sadly when we are adults the cares of our lives take over and our birthdays become less important than our loved ones.

Love your Mum and enjoy your day as much as you can!

Ames

Oh hugs, and happy birthday.

It was my 30th last year. I visited my mum in hospital (she had terminal lung cancer and had had a bad reaction to chemo). My dad forgot it was my birthday until evening when he dashed to the supermarket and bought a card and dvd for me (him and mum divorced years ago so it's not that he was preoccupied) and when I mentioned I'd have liked something a bit more special he couldn't understand why, because '30 isn't an important birthday'.

So I spoiled myself this year for my 31st instead!

I imagine that your mum's going to be pretty out of it so she wont really know that you can't visit, she'll be too busy sleeping. So I'd phone to make sure she's well and everything went as it should and concentrate on enjoying your birthday. I'm sure that's what she wants you to do! And your mum being ill will have been tough on you as well as her, but it's easy to forget that when you're in the middle of it. So as well as it being your birthday you deserve a treat because of that.

Harrietxxx

You may want to log onto https://www.breastcancercare.com. They have a brilliant helpline to answer any questions you may have and a great forum community to provide support to you as well as your mum.

Enjoy your birthday, you can't visit tonight, your mum will be well cared for.

Good vibes to you both
Xx