~February 2012 Make £10 a day Challenge - everybody welcome ~

nat21luv

ALERT, Im having a whinge.

I feel like my life is falling apart around me. I have sucessfully deleted 5 people from my life in a matter of 24hours, not intentional but been a long time coming. They are mainly my sons grandparents on his dads side. They have had him every friday night and saturday day since he was born and I feel that the time is right to reduce it. My DS is 8, he's started to push the boundaries and i feel like he can be as naughty as he wants throughout the week with me and he still gets to go away at the weekend and have fun. I have no fun with him at all, its just domestic stuff; shouting, school runs, chores ect. I never have a day with him to take him out, I've never even taken him out on a bike. Its really quite sad and as my children have different fathers, they'll grow up leading seperate lives if I let this carry on. So I told them I'd like to reduce the time down to 1 Friday and Saturday a month and they can still see him when he goes with his dad evey sunday. This wasnt good enough for them, they seem to think its their god given right to have him and I was told Im selfish. I dont feel im being selfish, I feel like I need a relationship with my son. I do everything with my daughter as she's always with me but nothing with DS, so much so he doesnt feel like part our little family. I need to get that back but have upset and made enemies along the way.

Im just having a terrible week and I dont feel its going to end just yet. I've had a horrble gut feeling for months that my landlord is going to give me my notice, I dont know why and theres no reason why he should but I just cant shake it off. I dont feel like I belong here anymore, I dont have any friends here, theres noone I trust, I dont have a job and I have no family here. Feeling very, very alone.

lolly101

Oh Nat! ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((SUPERSIZE HUGS FOR YOU TOO!))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I know where you are coming from with wanting to spend more time with your DS, I had the same thing with mine. We put up with all the $$$$, and mundane routine things through the week, but never get time to just have fun. My DS1 now goes to his dad's (fri to sun) once a fortnight rather than every weekend, and it is so much nicer for both of us.
Keep positive and concentrate on looking forward to all of the things you can now do with your DS :T Yes, the grandparents will be upset for a while, but they've had him for 8 years - it's your turn now!!!



Just ordered a £5 Amazon voucher from SB. Was going to save up for a bigger voucher but have just realised that it costs about 1000 more SBs to get a £25 voucher than it does to get 5x £5 ones. I always thought it was the other way around for some reason... (maybe because it makes more sense the other way around , lol).

Aesop

(((((((((((((((nat))))))))))))))

move closer to your family. If you did that, you would have their support and I am down the road, a long bus drive away but manageable.

Why do you live where you live? Is it because of Ex and his family originally?

And wow what lucky grandparents seeing their grandchild every weekend for 8 years! They cannot complain, as his mother, if you choose to reduce it to once a month! and still see him every Sunday!

You are his mother, you are entitled to time with your son, and like you say, he knows he gets to go away for the weekend, despite what he does during the week. Where do you get to discipline him? You cannot set boundaries as he knows there are none.

And that is sad not ever taking him out on his bike

You do what is right for you hun regarding grandparents. They are very lucky to have seen him so much. As for the LL, not sure why you think he may want you out. As long as you are paying rent, and not "hassling" him, don't see any reasons.

But.... if you move this way you can have family, friends, and probably a job you would enjoy .

Seriously, you do what is right for you hun. PM me when you want to get things off your chest. xxx

Aesop

oh 2p roadkill in tatco

nat21luv

Thanks guys, so much negative stuff is happening that Im just so emotionally and mentally drained. Too many battles to fight. The only things that are keeping me here is the place, I live 5 mins walk from the beach and my sons school. I moved constantly as a child and went to over 12 different schools and promised that I would never do that to my children. My mum and sister live 30mins drive away, not far i know, but mum doesnt drive so its left to me to travel. Not much good for babysitting ect. Other than that, theres noone else in Devon.

My LL doesnt like it that Im not working. He's worried that I'll default on the rent which I've assured him I wont. I had trouble with my bank account not paying the SO set up to him last month so I had to do it manually, no idea why it didnt work and bank cant tell me either. LL wasnt happy that the rent was a few days late and I apologised. So that really hasnt helped this feeling I have.

Aesop

Be Strong Nat. If this is the first time LL's rent was a little late, don't worry about it.

Things will get better. Spring is coming, although we need rain right now, not just good weather.

That means you can spend time with your DS, playing on the beach, taking bike rides, etc. Spend some time bonding as a family.

I don't know much about the area you live in but are there sure start centres/children's centres? If so, get yourself along to one, make some new friends. Maybe sign up for some courses, build your self esteem. You never know you might find a job?

Or check out the local schools, see if any have vacancies. That would be perfect, school hours/holidays to suit.

Check out your local netmums.com. they have meet a mum groups, where you can put a message out to meet other mums, that might help too.

(((((((((((Nat))))))))))))))))

Aesop

don't forget Mother's Day 18 March.

nonudo

Aww Nat, big hug to you, my love.

You're his mum. End of. The grandfolks are the ones being selfish and inconsiderate, not you. He's YOUR son, not theirs.

If you've been pretty consistent with your rent, then your landlord should have no reason to grumble. It's none of his business whether you work or not.

Extra hug. xx.

lavinia21

£3.15 from swagbucks. So lcose to target not sure where the last couple of pounds are coming from need to get the thinking cap on.

Aiming_High

Big ((Hugs)) Nat.

Code on Swagbucks! check out twitter