stag party- how to say i dont want to go?

split_second

Hi all need a bit of advice:
I used to work in a large store and i had 3 particularly close friends, lets call them mr s, mr m and mr c. there were various reasons that the 3 werent all friends with eachother, the 2 that fell out with eachother are mr m and mr s, both getting married this year.

mr s is my best friend, i am best man at his wedding this summer and because he isnt much of a drinker we are having a stag day rather than a stag night and taking him out during the day, mr c is of course invited, mr m of course doesnt want to go.

mr m is having a stag party, organised by someone i dont know, infact i dont know anyone going- apart from mr m, i have enquired about mr c going, both to mr m and mr c, mr m said he didnt think it was mr c's scene and mr c has said he thinks its an expensive night out, dont know anyone there etc and wouldnt break his heart if he wasnt invited.

as it stands i dont want to go either, plus when i saw my parents last weekend it was made abundantly clear that i have to go to a particular classic car show if my dad's car is ready to be exhibited (it'll only be an hour or two of nodding and looking interested and proud) i have just sent mr m a text telling him about the show and saying i might not be able to make it for that reason. am i being unreasonable?

i'll inevitably be having a stag party in just over 2 years, mr s will be my best man, i'll invite mr m but doubt he will come

Gingham_R

Do what you want to do. A good friend will understand. Anyone else doesn't matter.

Brighton_belle

As someone who would dread a hen weekend, I say don't go if you don't want to, it isn't compulsory.
Just don't be offended at whoever choses not to come to yours whatever reason they give: other people's weddings aren't nearly as important to everyone else and there are many ways to support a friend that doesn't involve doing something that makes you miserable let alone stump up loads of cash for. Not everyone loves these sort of events. And it sounds lik it would be really good to support your dad at his event.

Peater

I have made my excuses for 'Stag nights/days/weekends/holidays' before. Sometimes the thought go 'giving it large' with the 'lads' (oi oi) just turns me cold.

Don't go if you don't want to go. Just make a decent excuse.

onlyroz

Agree with others - you don't have to make up an elaborate excuse if you don't really want to go. These doos often seem like an expensive waste of time to me.

split_second

to be honest i know that attendance for anything i have wont be huge, it wont be a mad drinking type affair anyway.

i texted him and told him i probably cant make it and what i have to go for because of my dad, i dont know if the car will be ready yet as its a pretty unique car and to be shown it needs to be running really well and at the moment it isnt

*Louise*

I think you are over-analysing it all tbh.


You have other plans, you have told mr m you can't go - that's that.

You haven't said that he has thrown a hissy fit or anything, he's probably not thinking of it half as much as you are so stop worrying - you don't need to justify yourself to anyone

Acc72

split_second wrote: »

plus when i saw my parents last weekend it was made abundantly clear that i have to go to a particular classic car show if my dad's car is ready to be exhibited

????? Random - seriously, how old are you ?

In theory, if you want to gop then go, if you don't then don't ..... however, as somebody else said don't get too upset if/when people drop out of your event.

To me, a friend is somebody that you make an effort for (and they make an effort for you).

duchy

Good move
As for your own wedding/stag day in two years time
Two years is a long time-even if Mr X,y or Z is miffed now-if they are a real friend they'll be long over it by then. If they aren't-it's their problem. Real friends understand that you aren't joined at the hip and sometimes you have differant interests/other commitments. Most people are friends not clones of each other.

LandyAndy

Stag do: Do as you want.:cool:

The car: Much more interesting:). What is it? Is it Tatton you are going to? I used to love going there and camping for the weekend.

split_second

thanks for the replies everyone-

Andy- if i mentioned what car it was, it would be VERY easy to trace, there are only a very small number of them and probably only 1 this part of the country. so much so, googling make and model brings up picture of the exact car :eek: think late 50s, ford popular engine. not sure if its entered at tatton or elsewhere, i've been given a date for the show and its all down to what condition the carb is in at the time, its possibly getting a replacement.

everyone else- missing an invite from this couple is cause for guilt trips (usually on my facebook wall or on mr c's status comments, i would love to say its isolated incidents but hey, 2 years on it gets tiresome.
my stag party would involve either indie/rock music, cars or stand up comedy, organised no doubt by mr s and mr c. there will no doubt be a hissy fit in a week or two from mr m's fiancee