Messy Divorce

sarahmtly

Im in a bit of need of some advice and this forum has helped me out so much in the past so was wondering if anyone out there can steer me in the right direction.

This is a bit of a complex matter so please bear with me.

Ok so me and my husband split up back last year around June time. He was seeing someone behind my back and left me for her when I found out, however we both agreed to remain friends and do everything like civilised adults.

We have no children thankfully but we do own a house which is in both of our names. The house is worth about £90,000 and we have a £50,000 mortgage which again is in joint names. We have lived in the house for the past 11 years but my husband quit his job and started claiming sick for depression and alcoholism about 8-9 years ago. I have always paid for the mortgage, council tax, and all the utilities bills out of my own wages and it was even my Mother whom supplied us with the £5000 deposit we needed when we brought the house. We agreed that when the house sold I would give him a couple of thousand pounds and I would keep the rest. However he started struggling a little as his girlfriend is also claiming sick for depression and they found it hard to cope, so he asked me if I could give him the money then. I couldn't afford it at the time so I stupidly gave him my credit card and told him he could use it to the max which is £6000 and I would pay off the card when I sold the house.

He did this and returned the card when it was maxed out, and everything was still friendly and civilised.

I have since found a new man and have started a relationship with him and Im really really happy now. This is when things started turning a little ugly. My ex has phoned my work several times in very bad moods threatening to take everything off me. The sale of the house in the meantime fell through and I decided to keep the house and just get it into my name, so I got myself a solicitor and started proceedings for a Transfer of equity. I explained this to my Ex and also told him my solicitor had sent him forms to sign.

He has now gone back on his word and is refusing to sign any forms unless I make him an offer of "at least a couple of grand". I simply cannot afford this as I now have a very hefty credit card to pay off.

Ive been very stupid and niaeve and I'm at a loss of what to do now. If I get my solicitor involved I know that will cost me a small fortune but I dont know what else to do.

Sorry this has been a bit long winded but just wanted to try and explain all the facts.

Thanks for any help you guys can offer me

Hanging_by_a_thread

Unfortunately I think paying him a couple of grand is going to be the cheap way out. If you fight this it could go all the way to court and cost you a whole lot more what with solicitors fees and whatever the court decides is a fair split of any equity in the house. Telling them all about the credit card and his verbal agreement with you would not hold water, as he was well aware when he suggested it to you no doubt. As he had your card it will be next to impossible to prove the money spent was not for you and to benefit you.

He took advantage of your good nature whilst you were still coming out of the upset of your relationship finishing. He doesn't sound very capable of supporting himself financially, nor does his new partner either. They are treating you like a meal ticket.

Bite the bullet and stop him from bleeding you dry. Speak with your solicitor and ask him/her to negotiate with your partner the cheapest way to legally transfer the property to your soul name. Gaulling yes, but do what it takes to retain as much financial security as you can. Dont be to hard on yourself over him carrying on like this. People have been scammed for far higher amounts. Better to learn the lesson now and move on from it.

Gigglepig

If you have been married for 11 years, I think he should get a fair share of the house even if he has paid less towards the mortgage than you. A few thousand on top of the 6k he already got from your credit card is still a lot less than 1/2 of 40k equity. Can you get some free legal advice from a family solicitor?

VfM4meplse

I do feel for you, but also think that you need to be firm with him so you don't have to put up with repeat requests for money. At the end of the day, he left you for another woman - does that not give you the upper hand?

Your ex has problems, don't get dragged down by him and make a quick exit. Let him "enjoy" his new life with his new woman.

sarahmtly

Thanks for the replys. I really wish I could let him enjoy his new life and move on with mine but thats not going to happen until we can work out the house situation. Gigglepig I have not tried a family solicitor, I didnt realise they might offer free advice so maybe that should be my next step. Thanks both

daska

Try ringing Community Legal Advice . Even if you don't qualify for legal aid they can point you in the right direction. Or use the Find a Solicitor service provided by the Law Society. TBH £2K to walk away sounds like a bargain.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

daska wrote: »

Try ringing Community Legal Advice . Even if you don't qualify for legal aid they can point you in the right direction. Or use the Find a Solicitor service provided by the Law Society. TBH £2K to walk away sounds like a bargain.

If he had the slightest intention of leaving it at two grand, it might be worth it (as he might drink himself to death on it). But that'll go, then six months later, it'll be another two grand, and another, and a car and this and that, and then after he's had twenty grand, he'll go to court and go for half the house.

Nothing is as hardnosed as an addict trying to keep hold of his supply of cash.



You have to be the same.

daska

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

If he had the slightest intention of leaving it at two grand, it might be worth it (as he might drink himself to death on it). But that'll go, then six months later, it'll be another two grand, and another, and a car and this and that, and then after he's had twenty grand, he'll go to court and go for half the house.

Nothing is as hardnosed as an addict trying to keep hold of his supply of cash.


You have to be the same.

Agreed, as I said £2K sounds like a bargain. That's why I suggested where to find a solicitor.

You're being more than usually blunt at the moment, is all ok?

mgdavid

OP, solicitors may be expensive - but they are rarely as expensive as trying to agree and enforce a good outcome *without* them, especially if the other party has form already...

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

daska wrote: »

Agreed, as I said £2K sounds like a bargain. That's why I suggested where to find a solicitor.

You're being more than usually blunt at the moment, is all ok?

Not intentionally, never seeking to deliberately hurt anyone's feelings. Sometimes blunt gets to the crux of the matter more than tiptoeing around it.

[writes PM]

daska

jojo_the_tightfisted wrote: »

not intentionally, never seeking to deliberately hurt anyone's feelings. Sometimes blunt gets to the crux of the matter more than tiptoeing around it.

[writes pm]

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