Cousin's Wedding - Issues

Plans_all_plans

Would you travel to your cousin's wedding (a 400 odd mile round trip) with a small child and a 3 month old baby? You see this cousin about once a year and have hardly any contact in between family reunions.

Children are invited but it would mean travelling up, going to the day do as a family and then returning to stay with relatives (on the other side of the family) early in the evening as the kids would need to get to bed. I intend to breastfeed, so this is another issue as I'll just end up feeding all day!

My husband and I think it's too much like hard work and so have mentioned that we won't be going. This has caused some upset within the family from other cousins (none of whom have children so don't quite understand these sorts of considerations)

Would others go to a wedding so far away with a small baby?

onlyroz

If I was close to the cousin then I would. Otherwise probably not.

I invited some people to my wedding in the full expectation that they would say that they couldn't make it due to the 200 mile trip each way. On the other hand I was extremely surprised that my German friend came to my wedding from Berlin, and I was happy to make sure that she had somewhere to stay that wouldn't cost too much.

dizziblonde

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Would others go to a wedding so far away with a small baby?

Personally - yep, I am doing. We have one to attend in Inverness (not sure we can get further away while remaining on the UK mainland!) when the bump will be 3 months old. Can't easily get out of it (and wouldn't anyway) - hubby's best man, and its the friend that was best man at our wedding... plan is to book a hotel room in the hotel that the festivities are taking place in so I can duck in and out in relative comfort depending on how the baby's being and we can both be there for the key bits of the day at least. Going to break the journey up by staying with my folks overnight - then go on up to stay with hubby's family so the in-laws can go showing the new baby off around their entire social circle and get a lot of things done with in one round-trip... oh and we may also have our two dogs in tow (take them to stay with the in-laws before the wedding)! I figure at least when they're small you're not going to get a million hours of "I'm booooored are we nearly there yets."

For my own cousin? Nope no way - but then I wouldn't pee on her if she was going up in flames... but for a couple we're close to - we decided that in that case it was worth it.

Doozergirl

I didn't go to a wedding when DS was a week old. That was just too much.

I did, however, take DD when she was three months to a wedding in Italy. I didn't really have a choice and I wasn't confident going but we had a lovely time. I was breastfeeding - if anything it makes it easier to travel! If you like them and would have gone if it weren't for this little hurdle, I'd go. It won't happen all the time and you've time to prepare. There will be lots of people wanting to have a cuddle with your baby and you can have a little dance. x

McKneff

If you really want to go, leave the bairns with yor other half, go by yourself and have a good time.

LandyAndy

When our children were small we regularly made a journey of that length to visit my parents and an even longer one (including a ferry crossing) to visit MiL.

GobbledyGook

I would, but I wouldn't be planning on leaving early evening as when there's a party my girls tend to outlast most of the adults. Baby could sleep in the pram (older child too depending on their age) when they want.

I think it'd be much easier to go with a 3 month old than an older crawling baby personally. I'd also see it as a chance for people I rarely see to see the baby and have a cuddle.

Plans_all_plans

Thanks for replies so far. I just don't see the point in going because there'll be little enjoyment in the day for us and we're not overly close to the couple, although I like and love them. Without a newborn baby we'd be there in a flash though.

Also, McKneff thanks for reply but I wouldn't leave a 3 month old baby overnight and with b/feeding it'd be fairly hard anyway.

LandyAndy: I have regularly travelled alone with my eldest when she was that age to visit my parents, but that is different to a whole day at a wedding.

I suppose the real question was do you think it's unreasonable for a couple with a small baby not to go attend a wedding?

clearing_out_my_pockets

I invited some of my cousins to our wedding. For one couple there would have been a 155 mile trip with a one month old baby. For another, there would have been a 20 mile journey with a two month old baby. Our best man's girlfriend was seven months pregnant and had a 140 mile trip. None of them came. Did it bother us? Not really (except the pregnant girlfriend as she only told us the day before that she didn't fancy the journey down). My brother also had a one month old but he had no excuse - he only lived a mile away (if that). The baby got passed round relatives most of the day.

If it was for a close family member, I'd go, but you've said you're not that close so I wouldn't go just because you're being made to feel like you should.

KxMx

Have you explained the reasons this would be difficult for you tor your cousin? As they are childless they don't think of these things and sometimes they have to be spellesd out, they can't read your minds

I find living in a family who all have cars, sometimes they need things explained as to why I can't do xx because of xy reason which doesn't apply to them since they have cars. I used to get annoyed with them and expect them to understand without me going into the details. Now I stand up for myself and explain things so they know whats what.

Plans_all_plans

Oh yes I've told them but they just said "don't decide yet, we'll make things as easy as possible for you to attend as we'd like you to come" But the main problem is the distance and the having to feed all day to be honest. So unless they move the wedding to our local church and somehow convince me to bottle feed there's nothing they can do to make it easier!

I think some of the issues stem from the fact that even though they don't have kids of their own, I know that some of my cousins' friends with kids do things I'm not comfortable with e.g. leaving a 2 month old with the husband to go on a city break with friends. So I suppose they see friends doing things like this and think we're just being awkward.