Marriage struggling - just needed somewhere to offload.

wear280902

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

That's a gambling thread. Are the debts something to do with this? No they are not so must be wrong link not sure how that happened. Originally he spent lots of money on x-box games and old game systems and comic books that he thought would make him money. Not looked recently but no -on seems to be interested in the old style x-box games any more not sure some of them can be played on the new systems.


If you can mean plan and be on here at work, there's no reason why you can't look up the cheapest electricity supplier there as well. Joined Frugal challenge board to pick some ideas. Yes I can and have a few more hrs now including my 30 min break that I can be on the computer.

Do you have to tell him absolutely everything? Not just say 'I've sorted out the electric and gas so they're cheaper.' and leave it at that? Or knock a fiver off your food bill (I will search for your SOA in a minute) and pay that online as you're sitting on the desk?

Thankyou for all your replies so far it is helping me to put things into perspective.

wear280902

Here is my SOA - sorry for making this thread long but was easier to just copy and paste as I need to go and eat now (leftovers from Fridays Stew :-) ).

Newbie - Just trying to make sense of it all.
Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 2
Number of cars owned.................... 2

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1236.95
Partners monthly income after tax....... 1344.18
Benefits................................ 134.8
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 2715.93

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 309.5
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 110.69999999999999
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 122
Electricity............................. 65
Gas..................................... 45
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 34.34
Telephone (land line)................... 13.1
Mobile phone............................ 50
TV Licence.............................. 12.18
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 7
Internet Services....................... 25
Groceries etc. ......................... 440
Clothing................................ 30
Petrol/diesel........................... 120
Road tax................................ 16
Car Insurance........................... 182.39
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 35
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 64
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 49.83
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 63.17
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 10
Haircuts................................ 20
Entertainment........................... 28
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 1852.21


Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 120000
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 5000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 125000


Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
Mortgage...................... 52807.6..(309.5)....0
Secured Debt.................. 14537.6..(110.7)....0
Total secured & HP debts...... 67345.2...-.........-

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
HSBC CC........................7537.91...188.4.....22.9
MBNA CC........................5814......161.41 ...16.4
Loan...........................12264.6...347...... .0
Total unsecured debts..........25616.51..535.4.....-


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 2,715.93
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,852.21
Available for debt repayments........... 863.72
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 535.4
Amount left after debt repayments....... 328.32

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 125,000
Total HP & Secured debt................. -67,345.2
Total Unsecured debt.................... -25,616.51
Net Assets.............................. 32,038.29

I have an OD £500 interest free but pay £25 a month as premier customer
Husbands OD £500 - need to find out interest rate.

We both have separate bank accounts due to the debts and I also need to add a Sainsbury's Loan I need to find out about from Hubby which has 3yrs left. I have tried to be honest and will try and add these extra details on this week. Plus the insurance payments he pays for the mortgage. As I know at the moment their clearly isn't £328 spare each month and we are definitely spending more than goes in hence the loan.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Ok, just looked.

You could go online and look for cheaper car insurance, as that is a huge sum. Go through Quidco et al, you could get a nice bit of cashback for buying it.

Go online and do the gas and electricity, as that seems high to me. There's often up to £65 in cashback offered.

The phone, SKY/cable, etc is very expensive. Go looking online for better deals if you don't want to cancel. Lots of cashback again for doing this.


The mobile phone bill is pretty high. Why? And do you need that and a landline?

That's a steep groceries bill. You could knock £100 off that pretty easily. Look in Oldstyle for tips.


That gives you enough to attack your credit card bill, which instantly knocks down the interest being charged.


If your OH is busy looking after the kids of an evening, all he needs is an 'I've sorted this, by the way. Do you want a cuppa?' and he doesn't have to stick his fingers in his ears and doesn't feel harassed (although he isn't innocent in this, someone has to do it, rather than get deeper in debt waiting for him to get around to it).


ETA: Pay the CC that's in your name first.


Any of that help?

wear280902

The car insurance is mostly hubbies - he has only been driving 5 years and it is for a large van for work . He has had 3 incidents in that time and has been 3rd party type insurance....so we have been paying the price heavily £1700 was the cheapest last year and no-one else would touch him for less than this tried comparison sites. He had accident in first year misjudged a bend in the road it was icy and the vehicle on the other side was a large tanker so could not move over to allow for his misjudgement. Then he had his van broken into and his tools stolen the following year....then the following year he jumped the traffic lights and instead of doing the course offered he took the points ( still a bone of contention between us) .
My Car insurance is £23 a month thats because I pay dearly for paying a monthly premium rather than a lump sum and also a small premium for having Hubby as a named driver.

I am not without my faults and this is reflected in the Grocery Bills. I never go into the town or clothes shops or buy clothes online always get from family members and pass on clothes to people at school who do the same for me. SO when I am feeling low I buy treats for the kids in the Supermarket or a special meal or food. This often means a lot of waste in a week as I buy more food than is needed popping to the supermarket about 5 out of the 7 days a week. I am rubbish at meal planning when my emotions get the better over me and this is my overspend area :-(

Phone is a difficult one I only have landline as I am on a helpline that is voluntary and then I use my mobile to call people back and yes I have an iphone so not exactly money saving as it costs me £35 a month but I never ever go over this.

Lara44

Here's a link to your original thread - you did get a couple of replies Anh has posted some questions for you to answer there too. I have just bumped it for you.

wear280902

I have added to my other thread thanks Lara44.

I guess the other thing is when hubby does try to 'show his love' it is misguided. For my birthday he took me to a top restaurant ( we both watch masterchef and similar where the meal cost £90 and I had nothing other than a bottle of house wine and main course . He had main and dessert. Then I ended up paying for it on my CC which he does see as shared debt and I guess he is right ( he has been listneing to some of what I say even if he does not understand it). It is these misguided episodes that I always end up throwing back to him when stressed as I think I could have been working that night for a holiday :-( . I would have gone on Groupon or other voucher company. Then he did not get me a christmas present of any sorts . and I find that a little sad ( I get him something I usually spend £10).
Hopefully by learning to talk and listen to each other we can sort things out. Maybe we do need marriage guidance but not sure when we would fit this in right now.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

wear280902 wrote: »

My Car insurance is £23 a month thats because I pay dearly for paying a monthly premium rather than a lump sum and also a small premium for having Hubby as a named driver.

I am not without my faults and this is reflected in the Grocery Bills. I never go into the town or clothes shops or buy clothes online always get from family members and pass on clothes to people at school who do the same for me. SO when I am feeling low I buy treats for the kids in the Supermarket or a special meal or food. This often means a lot of waste in a week as I buy more food than is needed popping to the supermarket about 5 out of the 7 days a week. I am rubbish at meal planning when my emotions get the better over me and this is my overspend area :-(

Phone is a difficult one I only have landline as I am on a helpline that is voluntary and then I use my mobile to call people back and yes I have an iphone so not exactly money saving as it costs me £35 a month but I never ever go over this.

[Decides to keep tightlipped about the van driver going too fast, ignoring laws about traffic lights and forgetting the No 1 rule of No Tools In Van Overnight, as you've probably done all of those.]

Shop around for insurance. £276 for yourself isn't bad, but you could at the least get cashback for moving somewhere else.

Do the electric & gas suppliers. £65 cashback almost pays a month's bills.


You're going to have to leave the supermarket alone. I went yesterday and by the time I reached the cat food aisle, I realised I had put in about 3 times the amount I wanted to spend, so had to go around putting stuff back. And if your 'treats' are packaged, processed foods and sauces, well, that is going to be the reason why your bills are so high.

If I could make a couple of practical suggestions there, I would say;


1. Buy 4 tins of basics chicken soup, 4 of tomato. You then have the base for some casseroles/pasta bakes for about 25p instead of £2 a go. Or soup.

2. Buy 4 tins of basics chopped tomatoes. Chuck one of them in the pan when you want a bolognese/stew and a pinch of sugar. If OH insists on smooth sauce, buy the basics sieved tomatoes rather than passata.

3. Have a sack of potatoes in the cupboard. And a bag of onions.

4. Have carrots, sweetcorn, peas and beans, broccoli and sweetcorn in the freezer. Almost instant vegetables everyday with minimal effort.

5. 3 bags of pasta - penne, twists/shells and some sort of long stuff.

6. Tinned tuna (buy when on offer, in brine is cheaper but tastes exactly the same as with spring water)

7. Baked beans and spaghetti hoops.

8. About 10 chicken breasts in the freezer.

9. A bag of frozen sausages.

10. Rice, basics noodles, stock cubes, chilli sauce, ketchup, mayonnaise and curry powder.



Together with eggs, bread, cheese, butter and milk, you can live quite comfortably on that for ages, especially if you can take advantage of the reduced to clear veggies and fruit from working close to the supermarket. But at the same time, you can avoid the supermarket because you know there's proper food in the house.

I don't meal plan - too many years stuck with someone who would take one look at what I had bought, turn his nose up at it and skulk off to spend twenty quid on a takeaway instead. But it's not hard to think 'chicken and pasta' 'chicken and veg' 'sausages and mash' or 'sausage casserole' if everything's there waiting.


Biscuits - if they have to be bought, always the basics ones. Stick them in a biscuit jar and nobody's any the wiser. Avoid crisps and fizzy drinks - they're not good for you anyway.


Price that up and I reckon you'll have the costs down already.



ETA: real Masterchefs don't ponce around with the most expensive ingredients, they take cheap stuff and make it special. Then charge the gullible/easily impressed £80 for it.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

OK, I've looked.

Using my postcode, in a price comparison, you can get your gas & electric down by £220 - that's £18 a month less for a start.

Try the same with the phone/tv and everything else.