Will I ever get over my nephew's suicide?

lipsthefish

Hello all

I'm sorry this isn't a very pleasant subject but I just need to get others views and find out if what I am feeling is 'normal'

My beautiful nephew hung himself on 10-08-10 aged just 19. He had spent the morning with me and we were very close, he left here at 1pm saying "I will see you on Thursday, I want a full breakfast", 6 hours later he was dead. My poor Mam found him, his Mam was on holiday abroad, Mam has since had counselling and is able to function to a certain extent now. He was the third male in our family to hang themselves within 2 years, one being my 13 year old cousin and another cousin who my mam found.

I just can't seem to come to terms with his death at all, I have lost other people I love but have never felt anything like this. I torture myself every night before I sleep by going over every single detail again and again, from the phone call to getting there and how my mam must have felt when she found him. I just can't seem to sit and remember the good times we had, every time I think of him I end up in tears. I am not sure whether to ask my doctor to refer me for counselling, am not even sure they would do this with me only being his aunty? Has anyone else been through this? Am I normal?

Thanks very much xx

thunderbird

Although not speaking from experience, I think how you feel sounds 'normal'.

Definitely go to your gp, or a private counsellor if you can afford it, it could really help you to deal with the way you are feeling.

Good luck

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I am so sorry.

As there is such a strong 'history' of suicide in the family (and there is some form of cluster effect - I'm sorry, I don't know the right words - where having a relative who has committed suicide previously significantly increases the risk for other family members, plus the possibility of a genetic link to mental health problems), I think your GP wouldn't hesitate to refer you for help.


Please, go and see them and explain and I am sure they will be sympathetic and help you find a way of accepting this has happened and being able to look to a future where he and the others are quite rightly mourned and never forgotten, but where this doesn't take the majority of your emotional energy and focus. And where you don't feel the guilt you obviously do for not realising he was in such a psychological condition - as whilst we can tell you that he probably seemed fine because he had already decided it was time and was relaxed due to making that decision, professional help will let you realise yourself that you DO NOT have anything to feel responsible for.

Hanging_by_a_thread

Im so sorry to hear of your loss. I have not been through this but I consider your feelings to be completely normal. I think if, god forbid, this happened to any member of my family I would react in exactly the same way.

Grief counselling could be a very good thing to pursue. I shouldn't think it matters a jot that you were this guys aunt. The fact is you have lost someone who was extremely young that you were incredibly close to and it is effecting you understandably badly.

Most of us lose relatives when they are old and have lead a happy and fulfilled life. We always hope that when we suffer a loss of a loved one it will be as painless as possible for them and that nothing could have been done to prevent it.

You dont have any of those circumstances to fall back on, which make a death acceptable and part of lifes great pattern. Its no wonder you are struggling to gradually move forward. A counsellor will help you to accept that there is nothing you could have done to help him, something I am sure haunts you.

lipsthefish

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I am so sorry.

As there is such a strong 'history' of suicide in the family (and there is some form of cluster effect - I'm sorry, I don't know the right words - where having a relative who has committed suicide previously significantly increases the risk for other family members, plus the possibility of a genetic link to mental health problems), I think your GP wouldn't hesitate to refer you for help.


Please, go and see them and explain and I am sure they will be sympathetic and help you find a way of accepting this has happened and being able to look to a future where he and the others are quite rightly mourned and never forgotten, but where this doesn't take the majority of your emotional energy and focus. And where you don't feel the guilt you obviously do for not realising he was in such a psychological condition - as whilst we can tell you that he probably seemed fine because he had already decided it was time and was relaxed due to making that decision, professional help will let you realise yourself that you DO NOT have anything to feel responsible for.

thanks all - JoJo i am in secondary care for mental health problems, my cpn left just before Christmas and I haven't been assigned a new one yet, think I will get hubby to ring on Monday to see if there is anything they can do, might be quicker than going through the doctor xx

meg72

From personal experience of this, my Son took his own life, I can tell you that you are perfectly normal and would like to send a hug.Consellling does help some people so I would defintely ask for it if Iwas you. Dont worry about crying it helps relieve the pain a bit.

lipsthefish

meg72 wrote: »

From personal experience of this, my Son took his own life, I can tell you that you are perfectly normal and would like to send a hug.Consellling does help some people so I would defintely ask for it if Iwas you. Dont worry about crying it helps relieve the pain a bit.

Aw Meg thank you, I know that must have been difficult for you to write, a big hug coming back xx take care

ognum

You can refer yourself to you local branch of CRUSE. The volunteers are trained to help in situations like yours and will come to your home to talk with you on a confidential basis.

it is normal that this would be once a week for an hour for as long as it is helpful to you. The bereavement can be new or many years ago. This would be on a one to one basis, private and confidential. There is no cost CRUSE is a charity.

just look in the telephone directory or on google CRUSE, they have a helpline manned during office hours Monday to Friday

hope this helps.

lipsthefish

ognum wrote: »

You can refer yourself to you local branch of CRUSE. The volunteers are trained to help in situations like yours and will come to your home to talk with you on a confidential basis.

it is normal that this would be once a week for an hour for as long as it is helpful to you. The bereavement can be new or many years ago. This would be on a one to one basis, private and confidential. There is no cost CRUSE is a charity.

just look in the telephone directory or on google CRUSE, they have a helpline manned during office hours Monday to Friday

hope this helps.

Thank you ognum, I will google them now, that sounds really good xx

andygb

Sorry to hear of your loss, but you are doing the right thing by sharing your emotions and thoughts with other people. Please get in touch with the people suggested above, because by doing so will help alleviate the pain which you still feel.

teapot_3

Sorry to hear of your loss. I can also recommend Cruse and there is another organisation which also may be worth contacting called Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide www.uk-sobs.org.uk . I believe many of their volunteers have lost someone through suicide. They offer support via telephone, email, group events and there is more information on their website which may help you.