Profligate girlfriend - help needed!

mike216

Hi, I'll try and keep this as rant-free as possible but just how do I get my other half to stop spending so much money? We both enjoy above-average salaries at a similar level but also have fairly hefty debts we are trying to clear, and neither of us have significant savings (at least not in the form of cash or near-cash assets).

The problem is that, while I am trying hard to reign in spending and economise, my gf insists on spending money all the time, whether this be on new clothes, shoes, boots, coats, and the big one - eating out all the time! And it just can't be a cheap or quick bite - it always has to be a proper sit-down, 2+ course meal, sometimes even for lunch too. And I feel bad like a miser if I try to reign it in at all.

This could easily develop into a major source of disagreement for us, has anyone been in/experienced a similar situation and what advice can they offer?

Thanks

whitewing

I think it will depend partly on whether you live together, how old you are, whether you're planning for anything (eg wedding at some point, future together etc).

If you're just seeing each other, and no other commitments, then I think it is fine for you to allocate a reasonable budget per month for going out, and let her go on her own if you exceed that.

*Louise*

How do you both manage your money? Is it joint or do you both do your own thing? Do you live together? Who pays when you eat out?

If you both live together then it sounds like you both need to sit down and have a chat and agree how much you are going to put towards bills / debts and savings. Try the SOA calculator on this site, it has given many people their lightbulb moment.then agree that the remainder you each have left can be spent on whatever.

That way, if she goes out and blows it on shoes and meals, it's her choice and you can't be made to feel the mean one for trying to intervene.

flutterby_lil

Maybe she doesn't realise it is annoying you and thinks your quite happy eating out. We are both quite good at money saving and being savvy but OH is quite happy to eat out too every week as it saves me cooking, him washing up and cleaning the kitchen. We tend to eat out once a fortnight now, or sometimes monthly, depends what we have on.

andygb

mike216 wrote: »

Hi, I'll try and keep this as rant-free as possible but just how do I get my other half to stop spending so much money? We both enjoy above-average salaries at a similar level but also have fairly hefty debts we are trying to clear, and neither of us have significant savings (at least not in the form of cash or near-cash assets).

The problem is that, while I am trying hard to reign in spending and economise, my gf insists on spending money all the time, whether this be on new clothes, shoes, boots, coats, and the big one - eating out all the time! And it just can't be a cheap or quick bite - it always has to be a proper sit-down, 2+ course meal, sometimes even for lunch too. And I feel bad like a miser if I try to reign it in at all.

This could easily develop into a major source of disagreement for us, has anyone been in/experienced a similar situation and what advice can they offer?

Thanks

I think that you sound a sensible guy Mike, and not at all a "miser". You are right to worry, because the old saying "easy come, easy go" still holds true, and you are simply being prudent and careful.
Perhaps you could look into some savings schemes to make the most of your spare dosh, and share the ideas with your OH.
I have relations who are very materialistic, and waste their money on the new "shiny, shiny" things - Ipods, tablets, Uggs, it seems everything has to be purchased quickly in ordeer to be the first to impress the peer group.
Don't fall into the trap of being surrounded by thousands of pounds worth of designer gear, whilst worrying about how to pay off the CC bills.
Good luck mate - have a word with her.

fluffnutter

We need to know whether you have an interest in each other's financial situation, e.g. you live together.

Gigglepig

Do you live together and have shared finances? I guess it is time for a long chat about your money goals.

1. If the main issue is eating out: when you are not eating out, who would cook? Perhaps she hates cooking. In that case would it be an idea that you do the cooking and she does some other chores. Most people would be happy to eat in if someone made them a nice meal :-D

2. Rather than suggest she does not do any shopping, think of it as a hobby that she likes, and try to agree that you both have an allowance to spend on your hobbies?

3. If you have shared finances, would it help to set up separate accounts for your personal money to spend, vs. one for the bills to be paid out of, and divert the cash at the beginning of the month? Then you both have a set amount for entertainment that you can spend as you like.

mike216

Thanks folks, I really appreciate all the responses. I fear I may already have gone off like the proverbial bull in a china shop on this one and all may already be lost.

We've been dating for a few months, we don't live together yet, in fact quite a distance apart so only see each other at weekends - during the week I rather enjoy my nice quiet life when I can control what I spend, however at weekends it seems she wants to go out to posh restaurants (gets miffed if I suggest something cheap) and won't hear it that maybe she should cut back - she says it's something she really enjoys, makes out like it's her god-given right to eat out as often as she chooses. I suggested she could do this more with friends n family etc during the week but she doesn't see this as an option, it has to be with her bf.

She's a far better cook than me, cooking in all honesty stresses me out. But I appreciate I need to make more effort on this front, maybe that will help to reduce the eating out bills if my cooking is seen as a more attractive option

Thanks folks, I'll let you know how it goes.

mike216

Ps. we don't have shared finances. I'm not ready for this step yet - never had shared finances with anyone before and not something I am willing to entertain yet.

Caroline_a

It's interesting how things have changed. I'm not so young any more , but when I was I used to enjoy cooking a meal in for boyfriends. The old adage that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach worked for me! :rotfl: Meals out were something for special occasions, birthdays, anniversaries, etc.

Am I really so old or has all that gone now?

ska_lover

Mike if you dont share finances, and don't live together..what is your problem? If she skints herself, that is her issue, not yours. Start paying for what you individually eat when you go out - that way you can order cheap, and if she wants to splash out, she can.

When me and my husband (joint finances, obvs live together) go out, we split the cost every time. we dont go mad having 2 courses either..ever - we are 'misers' too lol