trying to juggle of grandparents care arrgh :(

miss_marsters

ok i need to vent and get some outside perspective on my familes situtation...

Me and my family, mum and my brothers all live in the same town and my grandparents live in a village about 30 miles away, near where we all use to live until 5 years ago. there are also my two uncles who live in surrey.

My grandad 81 has been ill for nearly a year (C.O.P.D and heart failure) made worse by a fall last easter. My nana has been wheelchair bound for over 5 years - but copes well. Up until his decline my grandad was her carer.

Over the past 3 months my grandad has been in hospital 3 times with chest infections, leaving my nana home alone. Me, mum and my brother have been making sure that we are there every night with her as well as visiting grandad in the hosptal.

To be honest its a lot of pressure as i have my own children, my OH works and my brothers has college, but we've been trying to organise everything.

They also have carers, meals delivered and appointments which i try to co-ordinate.

After the latest time in hosptial i believe it makes sense for them to either be here with us or in surrey in very sheltered housing. As they have no local support or even friends

I honestly dont think they will do this, but still expect all the help and i hate admitting that its a real stuggle espically for me.

I know that we cant keep the arrangements as they are long term - and my grandads condition means his hospital appointments will be more frequent

i just feel like this :wall: and would apperiate some wise words

Thanks

pearl123

Hi, bellow are two links which you may not be aware of - carers org and carers uk. The websites gives alot of details to carers about all aspect of life, including benefits. They also have great forums.
http://www.carers.org/

http://www.carersuk.org/

I don't have any wise words, just make time for yourself. Easier said that done!

miss_marsters

*bump* any advice would be great

Mojisola

miss_marsters wrote: »

*bump* any advice would be great

miss_marsters wrote: »

Me and my family, mum and my brothers all live in the same town and my grandparents live in a village about 30 miles away, near where we all use to live until 5 years ago. there are also my two uncles who live in surrey.

My grandad 81 has been ill for nearly a year (C.O.P.D and heart failure) made worse by a fall last easter. My nana has been wheelchair bound for over 5 years - but copes well. Up until his decline my grandad was her carer.

Over the past 3 months my grandad has been in hospital 3 times with chest infections, leaving my nana home alone. Me, mum and my brother have been making sure that we are there every night with her as well as visiting grandad in the hosptal.

To be honest its a lot of pressure as i have my own children, my OH works and my brothers has college, but we've been trying to organise everything.

They also have carers, meals delivered and appointments which i try to co-ordinate.

After the latest time in hosptial i believe it makes sense for them to either be here with us or in surrey in very sheltered housing. As they have no local support or even friends

I honestly dont think they will do this, but still expect all the help and i hate admitting that its a real stuggle espically for me.

Your grandparents have got to start being realistic about their future. When the carer - grandfather - needs a lot of medical intervention, his caring role is at an end. It's unrealistic of your grandparents to expect the family to keep travelling a distance to help.

As they have carers coming in, presumably they have social workers. I would start with them - make it clear that the current stop-gap arrangement is not sustainable and that something more permanent has to be put in place. While you struggle on, you will be left to do so.

Be open with all the family that you cannot carry on as you are and that other arrangements have to be made.

As your grandparents don't have friends or other support where they are, it would make sense for them to move.

CH27

miss_marsters wrote: »

*bump* any advice would be great

Be very, very careful what you commit yourself to.
You need to keep fit & healthy & running around trying to be all things to all people will end in disaster. Believe me I did it.

PM me if you want to know more.

Savvy_Sue

miss_marsters wrote: »

*bump* any advice would be great

Don't do it?

Mojisola wrote: »

Your grandparents have got to start being realistic about their future. When the carer - grandfather - needs a lot of medical intervention, his caring role is at an end. It's unrealistic of your grandparents to expect the family to keep travelling a distance to help.

As they have carers coming in, presumably they have social workers. I would start with them - make it clear that the current stop-gap arrangement is not sustainable and that something more permanent has to be put in place. While you struggle on, you will be left to do so.

Be open with all the family that you cannot carry on as you are and that other arrangements have to be made.

I agree with all the above. You (and others) have to start saying "sorry, no, I just can't do that." As long as you (all) carry on running yourselves ragged, you'll be allowed to do so.

Mojisola wrote: »

As your grandparents don't have friends or other support where they are, it would make sense for them to move.

However, don't underestimate how hard this will be: both 'selling' the idea to them, and the actual doing of it.

miss_marsters

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

However, don't underestimate how hard this will be: both 'selling' the idea to them, and the actual doing of it.

This is the problem we have. If i'm honest the whole thing makes me feel very guility.

The family want the best for everyone, including ourselves

Although they can manage in their own home they have no quality of life, my grandad is ill and my nana just wants to watch him all day

and in emergencies everything cant be dropped that easily to go over - we had this conversation yesterday with nana - but it just made me feel so guilty, because the reality would be that even with carers there she would be alone most of the day and night if grandad goes back in which he most likely will

Mojisola

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

However, don't underestimate how hard this will be: both 'selling' the idea to them, and the actual doing of it.

It won't be easy - that's for sure - but it won't be as hard as trying to keep doing what they're doing now for years.

nearlyrich

It's hard enough caring for elderly parents or grandparents when they are just around the corner but with a 60 mile round trip attached it adds to the burden.
I hope you can encourage your grandparents to move closer it might be a new lease of life for them if they can see people more easily and you can pop in for a few mins rather than having to trek over do what needs doing and rush back for children etc. Whatever happens make sure social services are aware that they need more help than you can give.