Son wants to leave college - help!

majorstress

Hi all, impending wall of text, sorry

Bit of background - son is 17 with ADHD and insulin dependent diabetes (poorly controlled due to his inability to give a damn...) He is also young for his age and not really mentally as grown up as some of his peers.

Anyway, against our advice (we suggested Art College as he likes to draw), he decided to start A lvl college last Sept as his friends were all going. He is not even slightly academic, he scraped ok grades in his GCSE's but that is more down to his natural intelligence than actually putting in any effort.
He has now realised he made a huge mistake, he can't concentrate, hates the college, the work, the travelling and wants to leave.
I have suggested seeing the doctor and maybe getting some ADHD meds (we have always resisted this up to now) to see whether they would help but he is vehement he will not take any more drugs, especially "mind altering" ones.

So we are stumped as to what to do now. His only options (that we can think of) are: college, job, apprenticeship.

Now I'm sure you are all aware of the job market, and to be frank, he is probably unemployable with his current disabilities and age, so we are left with staying in college or getting an apprenticeship.
He has no ambition, has no idea what he wants to do in life, and we live in a small town with not very good transport and the nearest big town where he might feasible get work/apprenticeship is 15miles away, and he says he won't/can't travel there.

The college have said that they will basically kick him out if he doesn't improve his attendance, so it looks likely that we will have a 17 year old with no income for the foreseeable future.

We are in the throes of a new business, and building client base nicely, but at present we are still heavily reliant on Tax Credits while we get more work in. If he leaves education, we will lose Tax Credits and Child Benefit and will be struggling without him bringing in a little to contribute to the household.

If anyone has any insight, lighthearted or otherwise, I'd love to hear suggestions, although kicking him out is not an option.

Gillyx

You need to sit him and down explain about the financial aspect of things, and that if he isn't prepared to go to college, he has to do something else, and the "can't/won't travel" just wouldn't wash with me I'm afraid.

He will have to make a decision one way or another, but doing nothing isn't an option. Tough love is what is needed in my opinion.

ognum

I too think you need to sit down and have a conversation with your son.

I believe he should understand that he needs to be doing something and cannot leave his course until he has another course or work lined up. This is exactly the same as if you are at work, you cant leave until you have another job lined up.

But, I also know there is nothing worse than doing something you hate and are not good at is there.

majorstress

I have explained all the financial stuff to him and he seems to understand that he can't just do nothing but I guess I'm struggling to see how I can force him to stay somewhere he hates for almost 2 more years just so that we aren't worse off.
I do have concerns for his mental health as he is very down at the moment - My elder daughter spent much of her late teens/early adulthood with severe depression including suicide attempts and it has been a long hard road for her to recover from it, so I am very wary of pressuring my son in case he becomes depressed too.
I would love to able to wave a magic wand and have the means to let him stay at home until he is 18 and can qualify for jobseeking help from jobcentre, but that is a year away as he has only just turned 17.

ciderwithrosie_2

Could he not swap to a course at the art college if you went and spoke to some people or has he just really been put off college altogether?

Gillyx

Job seeking help from the job centre isn't great at the moment, purely because they're so over subscribed. My Dad has recently been made redundant after working for his whole life, and they have no time to help him, he goes in, they throw jobs at him that aren't even relevant to his skills/experience and he leaves.

He'd be better of going to Connexions, they can help someone of his age and I think he'd get more support there than he would at the Job Centre. Being honest if he said to the JC he couldn't or wouldn't travel, they wouldn't be best pleased I don't think.

WhiteHorse

majorstress wrote: »

We are in the throes of a new business, and building client base nicely, but at present we are still heavily reliant on Tax Credits while we get more work in. If he leaves education, we will lose Tax Credits and Child Benefit and will be struggling without him bringing in a little to contribute to the household.

So you use him to ensure that the taxpayer funds your business.

Sheesh.

FatVonD

Is it too late for him to apply to art college for this coming September and look on this year as a false start? I'd be thinking about doing that if it was at all possible. To keep him in education would his old school let him go back for 6 months to resit something that maybe he could get a better grade in or to help build up his portfolio?

majorstress

WhiteHorse wrote: »

So you use him to ensure that the taxpayer funds your business.

Sheesh.

Sigh...NO, the Child Tax Credit is to support him, not the business.
Whatever your opinion of the system, it is a fact that the vast majority of people with children in the education system are in receipt of CTC.

This only stops when the child leaves education, or the household income rises above £45000.
If he chooses to leave college, my business is not yet in a position to support another person who is bringing in no income.

sock-knitter

as a mum to 2, 16year olds (twins) both with adhd, i'd say there isnt much you can do or say to keep him in college if his mind is made up. one of mine left college after 2 days:mad: the other left at xmas after it made him very depressed:(

easy

WhiteHorse wrote: »

So you use him to ensure that the taxpayer funds your business.

Sheesh.

No, these benefits help to support the whole family (including their son) while they build the business, which will generate taxation income for public funds when it becomes successful.
It's no different from accepting these benefits because one is in a lower paid job.