Stuck in a rut

RatFace

Hi everyone,
I have been a member of mse for a few years now but have decided to start a new account for the new year. Sorry if this turns into a long post, I'll try not to ramble.

Well as the title says I am well and truly stuck in a rut. There are many parts of my life I am not happy with but trying to find the motivation to do anything about it seems pretty much impossible to me at the moment. That's where you guys and girls come in (well I hope), please help and give me the kick up the bum I need.

I am happily married with one beautiful son who makes me smile everyday. I feel guilty for writing this thread as I am very lucky to have a lovely husband and son, we have a roof over our heads (private renting) and food in our bellies, what have I got to moan about hey?

Well I've tried to put my main points down to help clear my head which seems to be full of junk:
Things I would like to improve on (in no particular order :

1. Body image/ style - I hate the way I look and feel frumpy. Need to lose some weight. No spare money to revamp my style, although my sis-in-law is a hairdresser so am going to see if she can give me a new hairstyle to help me feel better (no charge).

2. Being a good mum - I don't know whether I'm a good mum or not. My son was 6 weeks premature (now nearly 13 months) and is a bit behind in his development. He recently got glasses which I've been told could be why he's not yet crawling or moving about yet, have called HV to get him assessed. What worries me is it something I'm not doing which could help him improve?

3. The house - washing/ironing is never caught up with. House is generally a mess. Recently moved furniture around so have no where for filing/ bills to go. Spare room looks like a bomb has hit it.

4. Money/ job - my husband works fulltime. I worked fulltime up until my mat leave and then did not go back to work as did not want lo in childcare and would not have been able to afford childcare anyway. Am looking for evening work but it difficult to find something I can start at 7/7.30pm at night. I did ebay a lot last year and don't have anything left to sell lol. I think I could be quite good at making things to sell, but what? Have no idea where to start.

5. Life insurance - we haven't got any. Don't know where to look and it needs to be cheap cheap cheap.
Forgot to mention we are just covering the bills with no spare money to do anything which is depressing. I would like to be able to look forward to something, family day out, holiday anything to help me get out of this god awful mood.

Please don't think I am ungrateful for the life I have as I know many people are a lot worse off. Thanks for reading RF

Plans_all_plans

RatFace wrote: »

1. Body image/ style - I hate the way I look and feel frumpy. Need to lose some weight. No spare money to revamp my style, although my sis-in-law is a hairdresser so am going to see if she can give me a new hairstyle to help me feel better (no charge). It took me 2 years to lose my baby weight. I found that walking everywhere I could helped. Def get the haircut, it'll make you feel better.

2. Being a good mum - I don't know whether I'm a good mum or not. My son was 6 weeks premature (now nearly 13 months) and is a bit behind in his development. He recently got glasses which I've been told could be why he's not yet crawling or moving about yet, have called HV to get him assessed. What worries me is it something I'm not doing which could help him improve? Ask the HV whether you could be doing anything else to help him. Do you take him to different playgroups? Read to him etc? My DD was born at the right time and still didn't walk til 16 months!

3. The house - washing/ironing is never caught up with. House is generally a mess. Recently moved furniture around so have no where for filing/ bills to go. Spare room looks like a bomb has hit it. Does the baby still nap? If so, make an effort to every day do one small job while he's asleep.

4. Money/ job - my husband works fulltime. I worked fulltime up until my mat leave and then did not go back to work as did not want lo in childcare and would not have been able to afford childcare anyway. Am looking for evening work but it difficult to find something I can start at 7/7.30pm at night. I did ebay a lot last year and don't have anything left to sell lol. I think I could be quite good at making things to sell, but what? Have no idea where to start. - Have you looked at call centres (banks, utility companies etc have a need for evening workers)? Childminding?

5. Life insurance - we haven't got any. Don't know where to look and it needs to be cheap cheap cheap. - If neither of you smoke and there are no big health problems in your families then you can get this fairly cheaply. Start with your bank, by asking for a quote and then compare this with other banks.

Forgot to mention we are just covering the bills with no spare money to do anything which is depressing. I would like to be able to look forward to something, family day out, holiday anything to help me get out of this god awful mood. - Are you in a city? Even if you are there should be open spaces where a good walk round, picnic (maybe not in this weather!) etc would help to lift the mood.

Please don't think I am ungrateful for the life I have as I know many people are a lot worse off. Thanks for reading RF

Good luck OP, it's hard being a SAHM, try to get out a bit every day and hopefully you'll start feeling more positive.

BugglyB

Sounds like things are hard for you at the moment. Dont beat yourself up about feeling rubbish. Just because other people are having a harder time doesn't mean you should take your feelings less seriously!

My mum always says 'baby steps'!

What sort of work did you do before mat leave?

Have you shared how you feel with OH? Perhaps you could write a list of three little things he could do one weekend to make you feel a lot better. Iron his own shirts. Mind baby for 3 hours on a saturday while you and a friend/relative tackle the spare room. Sit with you and compare quotes for life insurance - like plans says you might be suprised how little it is - mine is £6 a month.

I know he is working fulltime but you have a full time job looking after little one so don't feel guilty about asking for help. A happy wife is a good wife! One piece of advice my mum gave me is even if you feel fat and frumpy dont constantly go on at husband about it (not saying you do). He doesn't need to know - and if you dont mention it, probably wont even notice. Every time you catch yourself about to go 'oh god I look awful in this/my jeans don't fit' turn it round into a compliment about him. I know this sounds mad but try it it really works!

Totally know what you mean about having something to look forward to! Pick a weekend in April and find a very cheap deal to do something like go to a zoo, then try and save £5 a week towards it. If that is completely undoable, do you have a friend or relative you could arrange something like a cheap night in with where you eat supermarket pizza and watch crap tv (or whatever you like to do lol)?

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

make_me_wise

Hi op, I dont think you sound ungrateful for your lot at all. You come across as an intelligient woman who has aspirations and wants the best for her family and herself. That is admirable.

Okay so improving body image/style is something I think most new mums worry about. I have just had twin girls and am now thinking about getting myself back into shape and planning to not slip into a cosy mumsy appearance.

As with everything if you set goals to high in one go you set yourself up to fail. Take little steps. Getting into shape doesn't have to involve expensive gym memberships. Eat a healthy, sensible diet. Go for a power walk. Buy one of those fitness dvds. Currently I am trying out 'essexercise' its brilliant fun and I can do it in my lounge and not feel all self conscious about my post preg body :rotfl:

Definately go and get your hair done it will do you the world of good and give your confidence a boost. I have a manicure and pedicure regularly. Its not that expensive and makes me feel great. I buy from charity shops quite regularly. I live in a nice area of London and watch people spend a fortune on designer gear. I trot down to charity shops in great areas and purchase their throwaways for a few quid. That always makes me laugh and puts a smile on my face.

I am sure you are a great mum. Children develop at their own pace. Dont beat yourself up over things or start to compare your litltle one to his peers and worry yourself sick. My little nephew was a prem baby. He didn't crawl till he was 14 months or walk till he was 22 months. He didn't speak a word till he was three. My brother and sil were pulling their hair out. They took him to play therapists, occupational therapists, speach therapists. He is now 9 and a walking, talking very happy little boy who is way ahead with his reading and writing. The only thing he struggles a bit with is maths. As do lots of kids his age.

Do what you can round the house so you feel comfy, but dont knock yourself out worrying about a bit of washing/ironing/dust etc. Lets face it, those are pesky jobs arent they. No sooner have you done them and got on top of it all, than it all needs doing again . I have a massive big cupboard in my bedroom where all the clean clothes are currently piled up waiting patiently to be ironed. There they will stay. I use to do a couple of hours ironing and get the lot cleared. Now I iron as I go as I have better things to do than stand behind an ironing board for hours, like cuddling my girls.

I think being a stay at home mum is going to be a bit of a challenge for me too. I am on maternity leave at the moment from my teaching career. I will be going back to work in about a years time. I can relate to you wanting to be able to have some time for you and to get a job, it helps to keep your own identity and not just be someones mum, if that makes sense. Not knocking being a mum as it is the loveliest thing but we all need a balance to our lives dont we. Keep going, you will find a job soon and then all your hopes for fun times with the family and having some financial security will be possible.

RatFace

Thank you for your replys! BugglyB I think you are right I need to start with baby steps. I've just been thinking of everything all at the same time and it's just daunting and I think that's why it gets me down as I can't see where to start.
I think the first thing I will try to sort out is the life insurance - think should be pretty easy, neither of us are smokers and are in good health. So I will set myself a mini challenge of trying to get this done by the end of the week - hopefully this way I'm not pressuring myself too much and can work up to the bigger things.
Another reason I've been a bit down is we had some money saved for our honeymoon (got married Dec) and we have had to use most of it as our car needed some work doing and this was the only money we had to pay the bill so it looks like the honeymoon is on hold.
I was a sales support before I left. I am looking for any kind of job really just help us get by a bit better.
Make me wise thanks for the charity shop tip I will definitley have a look as we have quite a few near by.