When to end

Buzzard1985

Been with my partner 3 years. We never have sex and when I raise the question I quickly feel as if I should have said nothing.

We're in our 20s! We should be keeping Durex in profit.

I do love him but feel a massive part of life missing.

I even feel bad of thinking to split on the basis of no sex, but the though does come.

Suggestions?

msb5262

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear you aren't very happy about this aspect of your relationship.

Can you just clarify a bit?

Are you saying, "We almost never have sex," or "We have never had sex," or "We have had sex in the past but never do it all now," as these are all different issues.

Thanks

MsB

Buzzard1985

msb5262 wrote: »

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear you aren't very happy about this aspect of your relationship.

Can you just clarify a bit?

Are you saying, "We almost never have sex," or "We have never had sex," or "We have had sex in the past but never do it all now," as these are all different issues.

Thanks

MsB

We used to have sex. Sex meaning to me penetration. Sex these days means foreplay and thats it.

balletshoes

when you do raise the question, why do you feel you quickly should have said nothing at all? what does he say exactly when you talk about it?

nikkiuk

Is there a physical issue or does he just have a very low sex drive? In either case I would suggest a visit to the GP for help. Men can have hormone issues too which cause a lack of sex drive and there is help for impotency issues too.
If you love him and still want to be with him, and the feeling is mutual you owe it to yourself and your relationship to try and work things out.
Sex can be and is a deal breaker. If he's not willing to change/seek help, then only you can decide if you can put up with a future without sex. It sounds as if you don't want to in which case I wouldn't blame you for choosing to end your relationship.
Many people would be happy to be in a sexless relationship, equally, many wouldn't.

I think you need to be honest with him though and try to get to the root of the problem. Tell him that you miss sex, you want sex and that you aren't sure if you can face a sexless future. It will be difficult, but at least you will have some idea of his thoughts and what he is willing to do about it.

Good luck. xx

shebangs

.....................

FrugalFranny

Anti-depressants really do wallop the ol' sex drive I've found, no idea how it effects a mens 'you-know-what' but I've heard if can make it just inactive. Maybe he's having a few problems with firmness and so on and it's effected his confidence. Some men are very up-tight about sexual performance and rather than risk things 'going wrong' he'd rather just not take the chance.
I have no drive at all most of the time due to my medication for my back, but after a fight with my partner I sat down and explained that my feeling hadn't changed and so on, but that the constant nagging/pressure/complaining he was doing was making me feel even worse about the whole situation.

The drive is still there, it may just be a case of picking the right time (morning for fellows I believe is a good time) or being patient and waiting for him to even out on his medication. It can take months and months to regain any sort of drive, but if it's still a problem and he's not to shy (maybe even eager!) he can pop into his GP and possibly get some viagra to get things moving. Sex is an important thing in a relationship to a lot of people, and no doubt he'll be feeling terrible about things deep inside.

As long as the rest of the relationship is good, these things can be worked out. And if you're 'frustrated' you can always pop into Anne Summers.

You never know, he might even like to get involved too

ada1988

You need to tell him what you think,get what he is thinking ,

Oldernotwiser

How is your relationship apart from this issue?

pedrik

In reality, while yours may be a little different, it is an intimate moment, and an opportunity. Look here, Take things slowly, Lower your expectations, Read some sex books, Talk to each other, Wear something special.

ruby-roo_2

Buzzard1985 wrote: »

We never have sex and when I raise the question I quickly feel as if I should have said nothing.

When you try to initiate sex how does your partner respond? I get the impression, from what I have highlighted above, that there is little or no discussion. Does he ever give reasons for why he doesn't want to be close and intimate with you or is the usual reaction just a 'no'.

Sex is part of a happy and healthy adult relationship. A way of being close and showing affection to each other. If this is missing from a relationship then there ideally needs to be open communication as to why and resolutions to the problem sought. If you are made to feel like you should not even raise the subject, then your needs and feelings are being disregarded.

Is there any form of affection between the two of you; for instance do you kiss, cuddle, hold hands or give each other massages? If there is no medical reason as to why your partner does not want sex then maybe start slowly and see where things lead.