Single Mums and Dads... How do you find time to 'date'?

brians_daughter

Just curious really.. With the children, 2 jobs, study commitments etc I hardly have time to sleep let alone date, but I have been speaking with a friend of a friend for a while now whos asked me on a date (eeeekkkkkk :j:j)

Its 2 years since I split with my ex hubby and although dating has been the last thing on my mind I have quite liked having conversations (albeit mainly by text) with another adult who isnt related to work, study or the kids.

I have always thought i would wait until the children were much older before i even considered dating, but sometimes no matter how busy life is it can get lonely and maybe i do deserve just a night where i can have adult converation with someone whos actually interested in me and who i am rather than the role i play?

BUT how do you actually do it?

How do you fit it in?

Is it worth it lol?

Is it not just easier and less complictated to concentrate on the kids?

Anyway, i am wittering now arent i lol just after peoples experiences really

Emmzi

do you have regular night off when hubby takes the kids?

Just that it's tough for a new person to go straight into you + kids without space to get to know you first. Also difficult for the kids.

adamantine

i dont do "dates" as such. ive had 1 boyfriend since i left my husband and now im seeing someone new but he hasnt met the kids yet. we are seeing how it goes atm. i knew him before though and so he comes round at night after the kids are in bed and we watch a film, cook a meal, mess about on the wii or just chat and cuddle.

unless you have someone to babysit at nights regularly dating is out if the kids are not old enough to be left on their own. alot of single mothers i know who date do it during the day. coffee or lunch instead of meal and cinema or pub. not traditional but it works for them.

brians_daughter

I have 2 nights where ex husband has the children but its the nights i work (i have 2 jobs 1 of which is 2 12 hour night shifts a week) But i dont actually get a night 'off' as such IYKWIM? Mum would babysit sometimes, but she has my dad whos very ill and my grandmother whos also in failing helath living with her so it would never be a regular thing

I would never ever introduce anyone to my children until i knew them insde out, upside down etc. My ex hubby took 18 months to introduce his new gf to the children and even then he asked that i met her 1st to ensure i was happy with the kids spending time with her.

This guy has his daughter living with him FT too so it would be very hectic to meet up i think, although he does have very supportive parents who do babysit for him whilst he goes out.....hence wondering if its actually worth it lol. He is a very nice guy tho

adamantine

if you have known him for a while why not invite him round one evening then?

obviously i dont recommend this if you dont know him that well or if this is a "first date" but you say you have known him a while?

brians_daughter

adamantine wrote: »

if you have known him for a while why not invite him round one evening then?

obviously i dont recommend this if you dont know him that well or if this is a "first date" but you say you have known him a while?

Personally I don't think I would be comfortable with it for some reason.. Mainly (I think) cause my youngest son doesn't sleep very well and can be up 7-10 times a night. Wouldn't want the stress of thinking was he going to come downstairs etc.

Ziggazee

Do you have anyone who could have the children, if only one night a week? When I started dating my partner I only had the one night spare a week when my son stayed with his grandparents. We saw each other one night a week for ages. Three years down the line we live together. It can be done, just don't put too much pressure on yourself. If one night a week is all you can give then so be it. If he's worth it then he won't mind. Good luck )

Becles

I'm a single mother of three and I'm self employed and studying. I've not been on a date since I split up with my ex.

My parents were looking after the youngest every week day morning until she started full time school in September so I didn't like asking them to babysit on a night as well, as they were working part time in the afternoons.

It's just finding the time to fit a date in and lack of babysitters that means dating is something I've just not pursued. Plus I didn't feel ready to get involved with someone else as I needed time to get over the marriage break up.

Now my parents have retired, I might be lucky enough to find someone and I'll not feel as guilty asking them to babysit. It's still tough though juggling everything with bairns and work etc., plus I'm really wary of introducing someone to the bairns, so it would all have to be out of my home dates for a long time.

JoW123

I have been a single mum for nearly two and a half years now. I'm only just getting to the point where I would be interested in dating but there is no way I could manage it! Ex only has the children overnight about once every 2 months and my parents help with afterschool care so I can work so I wouldn't want to ask them for a regular night.

I know this is not really much help to you OP, but good luck with finding a way. If he is a nice guy it's worth a try but on the understanding you won't be able to free up much time. If he is in a similar position he should understand. I have a close male friend who I meet up with at lunchtime occasionally but he has his toddler son with him. It works for us because he gets adult company and I get a toddler to play with again!! We support each other by phone if one of us (or both) has had a bad day too, which is about as much as I can give to anyone at the moment

zoesmummy_2006

ive been a single mum for 2.5 years and briefly dated a guy for a couple of months back in 2010, it lasted maybe a couple of months at the time-he was too young and had a loony ex who was desperate for him back lol.

With him I saw him at a weekend when we'd go for a drink or to the cinema the night the kids were with their dad. He also came round a couple of times in the week to watch a film, spend time with me. I was comfortable with that as he was my brothers best mate, i've known him his entire life, and he knows my kids/the whole situation already.

After that fizzled out (damn loony ex-he was gorgeous!!) I stayed single. Im now at the stage where i really do feel ready to start dating again and im working on that lol. Im incredibly lucky in that my ex has the kids every weekend from sat to mon (though I have wondered if that might change soon as I meet someone else, not that it would bother me). He also has them one night in the week every other week.

Im also very fortunate in that i have a FANTASTIC family, my parents have the kids once a week so I can go kick boxing, and they'd happily babysit anytime I ask, especially if it was for a date lol. I also have a brother and sister who adore babysitting.

So I have the time/babysitters................now i just need me the man!!!!

Jinx

I used to date when my daughter went to her dads at the weekend or was staying with grandparents. As she got older it was easier as she knew I was dating so I could just say, going out for dinner with x. Then we would have a chat after my date to discuss how it went! lol