End of a relationship.....

sologirl

My other half an I split just before Christmas, after more than 7 years together. We'd got into a rut and couldn't see how to get out of it and he didn't want to fight or try

I've been up and down since, but am now having to move onto the practical side of things to get through... with house and finance being biggies!

He's still in the house at the moment, whilst I stay elsewhere, which is fine. Initially we said one of us would take on the mortgage and the other would take the debts (from before and during the relationship), which is with a debt management company. I drew the debts straw...

I'm now thinking this isn't right. Firstly because he wants to keep both names on the mortgage, as unlikely to get accepted on his own. But when I come to rent/buy somewhere of my own (needed to be able to move on) I'm going to struggle as my name is already on a mortgage.

With regards to the debts, yes he's paying the mortgage but for that he gets a roof/house/home over his head (and our pet!), whereas I get none of that with paying the debts.... and have to pay for the roof on top!! Surely the debts should be split?

I had hoped we'd be able to do this 'nicely' or as nicely as possible, but I think it's about to get nasty. I'm not trying to fleece him, I just want a fair deal! I really don't know where I stand or what to do....

daska

It might not get nasty - one can always hope!

If it's a joint mortgage then your both liable, ditto if it's a joint contact with the debt management company. Divvying it up the way you initially decided leaves each of you at the mercy of the other.

It sounds as if you didn't think through the ramifications before agreeing to this but can you be sure he did? If it was as simple as drawing straws I would hazard a guess that you've both jumped at what seemed like a simple solution rather than doing a full risk analysis. What would be fair would be if you work out the balance of the debt and a fair value for whatever equity there is in the house and any furniture etc and split the debts/assets between you. Whether the mortgage company/ debt management company will ALLOW you to take sole responsibility for any of it is a completely different matter, very often they will prefer to keep both people on the contract because it gives them more scope to recoup their money.

sologirl

Thanks daska, and you're right. I think initially I went with it in the hope that it wasn't 'the end' and it wouldn't really come to that, but unfortunately it has.

I'm not out to fleece him (although he thinks I am), but I need to look after myself and not put myself at any more risk than I need to be. The more I think about it, it seems selling (or trying to sell) the house would be the better option, fairer to us both. If he's not willing to sell it then I definitely want my name off the mortgage, whether done nicely/amicably or not. I'm not prepared to be named on it (even if I'm not paying) when I have nothing to do with it.

I'm seeing a financial planning person at the bank at the weekend to see what advice they can give too.... so much to think about!

daska

You might try pointing out that by leaving his name on the contract with the debt management company you could walk away but they would know how to find him because he'd still be at the same address... divvying up fairly is for his protection as much as yours.

Dinah93

I think you really need to split things into separate names and get a clean break. Are the debts in both names or just one name as technically you're only each responsible for those in your own name.

Pee

See a Solicitor. You do really need legal advice about where you stand. It sounds to me like you may not want to fleece him but he is intent on fleecing you...

sologirl

Thanks everyone. The debt management plan is in both names, but we each have individual cards and debts aligned into it, so its hard. I think I will need to speak to a solicitor to make sure it gets sorted fairly, that's all I want. Trouble when we talk is he's cold and non emotional where my emotions can get the better of me and I break.
I know I'll get thru it all - the emotions and the practicality - just want to avoid it getting more nasty than it has to. Probably not doing myself any favours in the process tho!!

doodoot

Bet he was rubbing his hands when you agreed to that.

Seriously OP get some proper legal advice and get something drawn up where the mortgage is split 50/50 and you each pay your own debts.

Good luck.:A