have i done the right thing

lifeisabigdrama

my brother has had a relapse, he is a cocaine addict

he hasnt touched the stuff for 10 years and has recently broke up with his long term partner but still living in the same house so is a bit stressed right now.
about 3 weeks ago asked me to go round and admitted to me that he had been on a 3 week binge and had spent roughly round £600, i was shocked to say the least but said i will support him all i can, that very same night he got more.

he told me that was the last time but over christmas he was acting weird and disappearing for hours at a time so i wasnt sure.
he spent new year with me and he seemed really positive and was eating better and my mum spent loads of time with him while his ex was away.

he has had two sessions with a counseller and has seen his GP and had a blood test which came back negative on friday
today i recieve a text from his ex saying he has taken more stuff and was on it all over christmas and new year(my mum was with him for most of that time and didnt really notice as we are not sure what to look for) and he is on his way round to me.

he was sitting outside for ages so i texted him and asked what he was doing out there and he said he was thinking so i left him to it, i then phoned his ex and asked was he expecting to stay the night here, and she said yes as he is not staying in my house
i then told her i didnt really want him to stay as he only took it that day and i have 2 young children and i cant completely trust him as he has lied a few times now and even though i want to support him as much as i can my children come first.
he told my mum that he wondered why i didnt come out to see him when he was outside, i thought he needed space so i left it a while and when i went out 20 minutes later he was gone, feel i cant do right for doing wrong.
i feel really guilty, as i said i would support him but i cant completly trust him even though i really want to

have i done the right thing as i feel incredibly guilty now , he has gone back home but not sure yet if his ex has let him in and my mum is coming tomorrow while his ex goes back to her mums for a few days to give him space
also has anyone had any experience of cocaine addiction, really out of my depth with it all

BitterAndTwisted

Of course you've done the right thing. I expect you thought long and hard about it first. What's done is done. There will be a tomorrow and tomorrow you might have to face making the same decision all over again. There's a world of difference between offering support and facilitating the addiction. Once he's run out of money or access to it he'll be back, When that happens lock up your valuables.

I do have limited experience of cocaine addiction. A very good friend was in the grips of it. That and alcohol abuse at the same time. This went on for years. Over ten, I think. She lost her property, she lost everything you can think of before she even thought about maybe needing to slow down and think about what she was doing to herself and where it was leading her. It was only when she lost her job as well and there was no money and no more credit available. Then she went home to her mum and got a spot in rehab. That did not necessarily work out well. The first weekend after rehab she went out on a weekend-long binge with another of the addicted she met on her rehab course. I used to like and love her very much but she has been at arm's length for a very, very long time. I'm not able to help her. I think she might be lost forever.

I'm sorry if that's not helpful. Fortunately your brother may have ended his love affair and may only be on a temporary relapse.

Emmzi

yes, you have to put your family first. no one can help him but him.

directory of support agencies links from here

http://www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/guide/kinds/Pages/caring-for-drug-misuse.aspx

lad81

Not a great deal more you can do, just be there (if you can) to offer moral support and encourage him to go to the counselling as often is required.

Remember with a cocaine habit there is no "meds" as such he can take or by given by his GP, just a lot of counselling/CBT.

There may also be other underlying issues of course regarding the addiction, but that should hopefully come out via counsellor or GP.


Afraid it's just a waiting game. Try and keep him busy and try and include him as much as possible in stuff to keep active and worthy, if that makes sense?

Hope this helps.

Stevie

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Don't feel guilty. If you provide him with food, with clothes, with somewhere to sleep, with company, all it does is make it easier for him to stay on coke (and as he gets more skint, crack, speedballing with smack and probably meth as well).

As long as everyone else does exactly the same, nobody is helping him stay using and he can experience exactly what the consequences are of his behaviour. He won't like that one bit.

But it's the only way he could possibly begin to consider cleaning up.

lad81

OP, do you know if it's just coke he is taking? Any history of doing anything else on top/alongside?

lifeisabigdrama

as far as i know its just coke, he damaged his nose years ago so when he is on it he gets really bunged up so i think thats a sign but not sure. he kept telling me over christmas he was bunged up because of the damage, now not so sure.

doodoot

Coke is obviously the crutch he turns to when he gets stressed and upset, hence his renewed use after the relationship break-up.

He needs some serious support, but ONLY if he requests it from you and various other agencies.

If he doesn't want to stop, then you are wasting your time trying to get him off the stuff.

Blackmail will not work.

Threats will not work.

He is in a place where he has locked the door and you don't have the key.

My advice is to invite him round and talk to him - tell him you know he is using again and ask if he wants to stop.

If he eventually says yes, ring up his GP and go with him for support.

I really hope that this is just a glitch and that he gets himself out of the hole he has dropped himself in.