Should I stay or go?

scottishlass72

New username because I'm embarassed.

I got let go from my job for gross misconduct - I failed a drug test. I'm not at all a regular drug user but I did indulge at a party not expecting that there would be a random drug test as my work the following week. I know what I did was really stupid but I can't change the past.

Where I live, there are no other employers in my field. I own my own home here and am having no luck selling it at all even though I've lowered the price. My partner wants me to move back to London to live with him and try to find work but our relationship is quite rocky and I don't feel ready to move in with him in his very small flat in the city. I also don't know if I'll ever find another job in my field because I've lost my professional certification due to the gross misconduct.

At this point, I don't know what to do. I have been working in the pub and it's enough to pay my council tax, food etc. I own my cottage outright. And also, I have a very close friend who is quite elderly and I help her look after her husband. I have a dog too and he wouldn't be able to move to London with me.

I love where I live right now and I don't want to move at all. But I feel I have to choose between my home and friends and my career. But my career feels lost anyway. It would really help me to know what others would do in my situation. Sorry for not being more specific but I will try to answer any questions as long as they wouldn't be too specific and identify me. Thank you.

onlyroz

Without knowing what field you work in, it is hard to advise. Could you perhaps take a position a few rungs lower down on the ladder? Or maybe retrain in something else while you continue to pull pints?

flutterby_lil

Oh dear, don't really know what to say except I am so against drugs. You play with fire...........

A few of my friends have died from taking drugs so I know first hand of the mess they leave behind. Good luck with the future.

go_cat

I wouldn't move in with your boyfriend tha sounds like a recipe for disaster!

Maybe nows the time to look for a complete career change ?

scottishlass72

I should say the drug was a marijuana cigarette that was passed around at a party before anyone starts thinking of heroin or cocaine or anything like that! Yes it was incredibly stupid and I wish so much I had just left the party or said no or whatever.

I like the idea of retraining. It's hard to accept giving up my career as I worked so hard for it, but I'm beginning to come around to the fact that I might not have a choice.

onlyroz

I am surprised such a thing would lead to instant dismissal and the revoking of your qualifications - have you sought legal advice?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

If it's what they call a safety critical job, then you can't change what has happened and you will have to look at other ways to use your skills.

I wouldn't go and move in with someone on the basis of being unemployed - if it's that rocky, I'd be looking at getting rid and starting again absolutely fresh, as there can't be anything worse than being stuck with someone who is only there because they screwed up and didn't have anything better to do. There's probably a gentler way of saying that, but you get the gist.


You have skills through your previous job. What were they? Even if you were a copper or a train driver (but then there would be strikes all over the place for firing you, so I doubt that one ), you have skills that can be transferred out of the job. It might be time to study, change direction entirely. Was there anything else you ever enjoyed doing that got put aside for the career?


You're in a crap position. It's your fault. Oh well, these things happen. Sit and think - what can you do to get yourself out of this?

go_cat

onlyroz wrote: »

I am surprised such a thing would lead to instant dismissal and the revoking of your qualifications - have you sought legal advice?

If it was a driving job eg heavy goods vehicle / police / emergency services / health and safety paramount job etc then it could have serious consequences

Emmzi

I'd take a few more weeks out. You're getting by just now and you know money isn't everything. You sound very unsure about your relationship so listen to the alarm bells there.

You're in no rush to make a decision are you? Roll with it for a while. See what presents itself as the right thing to do.

pinkclouds

I admit that it is very hard not to judge.

I would draw a line under your old career and retrain in something else. I would also remain where you are, with your network of friends. If you have a "rocky" relationship, then your boyfriend cannot really be relied upon and there is no point moving in with him if you might break up at any time.

Perhaps everything happens for a reason. You may find a new career that is even more enjoyable and valued than your former career. And you may be a stronger, tougher person in the future. You still have a roof over your head, food on the table and good friends. It could be a lot worse. Have faith in yourself that you can start again. x

scottishlass72

Is it really so difficult not to judge? I know what I did was wrong but do I really deserve to lose my whole career that I studied for years for? I was at a party, not at work when I did what I did. I didn't cause any safety issues. I smoked a very small part of a joint on a Friday night and it was 48 hours before I was back at work.

I'm asking if it's really seen so negatively because if I ever am going to get my career back I need to know how to explain what I did to potential future employers. Thank you for all the answers so far.