Advice with relationship break up

MaryLou

My partner of 12 years has walked out. We have two children and a joint mortgage. I don't know where I stand with relation to the house. Will the children and I have to move? While I can keep mortgage payments up I am not in a position to 'buy out' my ex-partner. I am also worried as to my rights with the children as he has already tried to take one of them.

SailorSam

Some information on here about your rights to your home and children.

Ending a marriage

pearl123

CAB is a good place to start, as they provide a free service.

doodoot

OP, you say partner - are you married or not?

I ask because unless he has parental responsibility for one or both children he cannot take them with him without obtaining a custody order.

If you are unsure about if he has this - a lot of people don't know what it is - if you married before they were born then he has it, if you are unmarried and they were born before 2003 then he doesn't have it and if they were born after 2003 then he has it.

Even if the child/children want to go with him and he hasn't got PR, he still can't take them - you are within the law to ring the Police and report him for kidnap.

First thing Monday morning you need to give some solicitors a call and ask if they offer free 1 hour advice.

go_cat

Don't forget to lodge a claim with CSA

MaryLou

@SailorSam: Thank you for the link.
@ doodoot: We never married and the children were both born before 2003. He is named on the birth certificates and I always thought that granted automatic PR? I'm going to take your advice and ring around solicitors Monday.

MrsManda

MaryLou wrote: »

He is named on the birth certificates and I always thought that granted automatic PR?

It does for births registered in England since 1st December 2003, prior to that the father didn't automatically have PR even if they're named on the birth certificate.
For information about PR have a look on the direct.gov website here:
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ParentsRights/DG_4002954

princeofpounds

With regards to the house, if you both are on the title for the house then you both have the right to live their and you are not allowed to shut the other person out.

There are three options:

1) You both keep the house. This is probably an unwanted financial tie, but in some situations it might be necessary. Assuming that you cannot live together long-term, then only one of you will be getting the benefit of the house. It would then be fairest for the person remaining in the house to be paying rent on the share of the house they do not own, in compensation for the capital the non-resident partner has trapped in the property.

2) One of you buys the other out. This will need the permission of the mortgage lender, who is unlikely to want to let go of the security of two people on the mortgage unless they are very confident the remaining partner can handle the debt. You would get the house valued, pay half the equity in the house to the departing partner and take on the entire mortgage debt.

3) You sell the property. Pay off the mortgage with the proceeds, split the equity and go your separate ways. This is normally what happens if neither party can buy out the other, but it can be difficult if you are in negative equity because the bank may not then permit a sale as it won't cover the debt. And so you can get stuck in situation #1 when you don't want to.

Then on top of the financial stuff there is another layer of complexity thanks to the relationship. It's a bit different if you are married or unmarried, and if you have children or not. Shelter (see link below) can help you with housing advice.

In particular, you may at some stage need to use an occupation order (if you are locked out, or if your partner becomes abusive and needs to be removed) which is an interim solution.

Either partner could eventually force situation #3 by getting an order for sale unless there is something like an occupation order or other consideration that overrides it. You aren't normally allowed to trap other people's capital in property without a very good reason.

As you can see, you may well at some stage need legal advice. One point that you will need to make clear if it gets to that stage is that there is little point in the parties not co-operating; if one party is found to be unreasonable (for example refusing mediation) then the court may decide to allocate some of the costs from the other side to them.

http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships/relationship_breakdown