Separation, divorce and fair finances

mandamoomin

Hi, I hope someone can help me.

My husband and I have separated after 6yrs of marriage. We have 2 young children (5&2). I have recently moved out of the house into rented accommodation - he's paying the mortgage and bills in our house and I'm paying for my house. I went to see a solicitor who advised we should be on comparable income which we now are (my income is my wages, benefits and maintenance from my ex). The children stay with each of us equally. My concern is that I've initially agreed to pay for childcare costs (£80pm as my parents look after them), swimming lessons (£70pm - yep I know, flippin expensive!) and all their clothes (which I've budgeted approx £30 per month for). So, although we're on comparable income, I have to pay out £180 per month for all these things I mentioned. Have I made a rod for my own back? A couple of friends pointed out to me that he should still pay for things even though he's paying me maintenance for the boys and looking after them 50% of the time because he also has more earning potential than me. I work part time and am stuck there now because of my wages and obvious childcare commitments. We are still trying to sell our house (which is proving a nightmare to do) and even when we sell up, we'll both still walk away with debt unfortunately.

Would I also be entitled to some of his pension he's been paying into? I haven't been paying into a pension (yep I know, stupid).

Help please!! I don't really know where to start - we are very amicable and I don't want to rock the boat, but equally I don't want to do myself a disservice.....

brokenlily

If you are having the children 50/50, then my suggestion would be that you should share costs 50/50, broadly speaking.

However, if you are going to enrol the kids in swimming lessons that cost x amount, or any other activity, if you want help with the costs from Dad, then it should be discussed between you and agreed first, and I would suggest that you both put in for clothes so they have clothes at each home. It depends how much he is already paying in maintenance as well really - is it in line with the CSA agreed figure or more than that, and whether he can in fact afford more money on top of his expenses already. His earning potential is neither here nor there, it is what he earns at the moment that matters. If he gets a pay rise, then the CSA would raise maintenance accordingly, which you would hope that he would do if his earnings rose in future.

I'm afraid childcare arrangements when the children are with you in a 50/50 arrangement would be seen as your responsibility. Ditto for him, if he needed to use an after school club for example so he could get the children after work, he would be responsible for those costs.

brokenlily

I don't know about the pension - you might be entitled to some of it, though only what was accrued during the marriage. Likely that would come as part of a divorce settlement.