Some insightful advice needed here please!

Shanelle

make_me_wise wrote: »

Look back on what? Good god after wading through your post and reading about this odd ball, I am some what flabbergasted by the first paragraph above. I'd be telling your friend to steer well clear. At best he sounds like a headcase and mindgame player, at worst I think the bloke has phsycological problems.

Your friend doesn't seem to make life easy for herself. I am all for having a private life but she seems to take things to the extreme and not make it easy for people to get to know her. Why does she want to make her life anymore complicated by getting involved with someone who treats her badly?

She doesn't often find that guys seem to like her as she's so shy. Admittedly its the hardest approach to life but it seems to work for her. To her, he'll be the one that got away and as far as I've seen - these type of guys never seem to make sense. He'd actually in a position of authority higher than her, so it'll be frowned upon in the unspoken employee guide book!

I suppose its hard to still act civil to someone who you probably think is blatantly ignoring her not that Im defending his behaviour as he went all out to hurt her but as she didnt make it apparent till later (did he even realise he'd got under her skin that much?)

to an extent you're probably right; so how can she move on?

meritaten

At first your friend intrigued him - he likes the chase and was sure she would fall at his feet! she didnt and he got nasty about it! perhaps someone else pulled him up on it so he has gone all polite and nice!
What a silly, immature, possibly dangerous man!
Tell her to stay well clear hun - she should KEEP him at arms (or possibly a bargepoles) length!

Sambucus_Nigra

Shanelle wrote: »

To her, he'll be the one that got away...

...so how can she move on?

Sorry - does she actually want to be with this guy? What is she moving on from exactly? Someone at work fancies her - whoopie do. It happens. Move on.

It's that simple.

meritaten

how can she move on? simple hun - she accepts that she was a challenge to him - and he lost!
She is far to good for the likes of him! and there is nothing wrong with being quiet, shy and reserved! She has had a lucky escape - and will recognise the next chancer who comes along!
She just treats him the same as always - and my bet is that there is someone there who is admiring her greatly - for not falling for his far too obvious charm!

Lotus-eater

Person_one wrote: »

Where on earth does this 'women like bas*ards thing come from? Its just not true.

OMG ..... it is in some circumstances !

Person_one

Lotus-eater wrote: »

OMG ..... it is in some circumstances !

Really? Find me one woman who wil happily admit she enjoys being in relationships with men who are nasty to her. One.

Lotus-eater

Person_one wrote: »

Really? Find me one woman who wil happily admit she enjoys being in relationships with men who are nasty to her. One.

Well I don't have one to hand, ready to be brought onto this thread, but I've seen plenty.

make_me_wise

Shanelle wrote: »

She doesn't often find that guys seem to like her as she's so shy. Admittedly its the hardest approach to life but it seems to work for her. To her, he'll be the one that got away and as far as I've seen - these type of guys never seem to make sense. He'd actually in a position of authority higher than her, so it'll be frowned upon in the unspoken employee guide book!

Are you being serious. Your friend will really see this wierd bloke as 'the one that got away'. If any colleague or acquaintance behaved around me, the way he has to her, I'd be wanting the ground to open up and swallow him. I wouldn't be pining over him thinking 'oh what if, what may have been'.

I cant quite work out how old your friend is. She seems to struggle with social interaction and puts far to much importance on what others do and say. It almost sounds like a teenager, confused about mixed messages, putting up with bad treatment all because he is the first guy to show a bit of an interest. There is a sense of this could be her last chance so better this than nothing which is very sad.

How to help her move on..... Stop focusing on someone who will inevitably do her more harm than good. It might help to attend an assertiveness course or have some counselling. Some straight talking could be the best remedy. Say it to her as you see it OP.

DVardysShadow

Shanelle wrote: »

You got the last bit wrong! My friend has principles and despite what she feels, she's certain she won't go there.

Any suggestions to what she could try now?

No. Once she knows what she wants, it will be far more obvious what she should try. At the moment she probably fancies him and is quite fascinated, despite the minor nastiness - it is as S~Gypsy says. But she also has carefully reserved her position so that when she does as her female friends re telling her, she can plausibly claim never to have been interested.

Leave her alone and let her sort herself out. If 3rd parties get involved, when it all goes wrong - as it will - it is going to be bad for both parties. And when it goes wrong, it will be better to have impartial advice from you rather than you advising with an eye to defending your advice before it all went wrong. And your advice won't stop it all going wrong anyway, so you will be on the defensive.

Person_one wrote: »

Right, because nobody ever gets together with work colleagues. :rotfl:

If they have any sense.

BitterAndTwisted

Person_one wrote: »

Right, because nobody ever gets together with work colleagues. :rotfl:

Only the idiots. I've done it myself a couple of times because I didn't learn my lesson properly the first time round. If a gal wants to be the modern equivalent of the office typist all her working life having things going on with work colleagues is the best way of ensuring it. Most especially if that colleague is more senior.