cross roads in life, where do i go from here?

xroads

Hi all

I'm a regular poster but don't want to be recognised.

this may be long so please bear with me.

I'm at a real cross roads in my life. I have had long term mental health problems since my teens ( im now in my late 20's). I had a breakdown in my teens and attempted suicide several times in my teens and as a result was detianed for a year under the mental health act. During that time i was abused by a professionl and for several years after.

No suprises but my life was in the gutter during this time and for many years later.

Fast faward a few years and i spoke out about the abuse and then a very long fight for justice started, the fight is almost over but now im unsure what to do with my life.

I have been signed off sick for many years as a result of the ongoing mental health issues and very regular self harm ocd and ptsd. Earlier this year i took and over dose but luckily i was allowed home when medically fit.

As i say the legal matters are coming to ahead and now i want my life back. I want to close this chapter and move on, i can't change the past but i WONT but defined by my experiences. I would love also to be able to use my experiences to help others, i belive everything happens for a reason and if i don't actively change my life then i will have lost so much time due to someone else actions.

I'm getting married this year to a very special man that has been there for me through so much. Children are something i have always wanted, i have pcos and have been through fertility treatment which was unsucessful but would love to try again. As i have spent half of my life unwell i have missed out of so much, iv'e never had a carer or anything, just getting through the day was enough of a struggle.I feel like i have really missed out over the years.

Now im unsure wether to try and get a job and move on with my life or start fertility treatment? i would love to be able to save up and get our own place but i don't want to delay having children and maybe missing the boat.

Iv'e also had 2 years of threapy which wasn't very helpful and im slowly accepting that my problems are likely to be life long.

Atm im in a very hopeful place (for the first time ever) i no longer wish to die i wish to live my life.I know the job market is very bad and having such a long gap in employment its likely to be tricky.Also in my journey to pick up the pieces of my life i have gained a gcse and qualified as a support worker which im very pleased with.

So im just wondering where i go from here?

superskintmouse

Hi I just wanted to congratulate you on your amazing strength, that must have been really hard to post. I think you are doing an amazing job of starting your new life, A wonderful partner and a wedding to look forward to is such an exciting start. i would have a think about what you want first. have you thought of volunteering to get some experience. I work full time but work part time in my local cancer charity shop as they are always so snowed under and need the help. i enjoy it so much more than my regular job because i dont have to be there i choose to it makes it more enjoyable if that makes sense. It may give you a bit of confidence and lead you into something you hadnt considered before. is there a local charity or group that you would be interested in? maybe something that your qualification could come into use? As for the children part only you can decide when the time is right but age obviously is a factor for us ladies. Good luck x x

Tam+Al

Hi.. Well done for that..

All i can say is follow your heart.. only you really know what is the right step from here!!

xxxx

Yorkie1

You've got quite a few life challenges this year - the legal matters to get through, the wedding for starters. Each of those can loom large in anyone's life. I would suggest that you don't take on too much until those are behind you too. Better to successfully achieve each step than try to eat the whole elephant at once. Given all that you've described about your past, I think you've done really well to get where you are - you do still have time on your side.

As an aside, do not give up completely on the idea of therapy for ever. I've had a number of different types at different times of my life. Some were more useful than others. I think there are times in our lives when it is of more use than others, when different types are of more relevance, and when we are more or less ready to tackle certain issues in our lives.

I have heard that fertility issues are complicated by stress, so I wonder whether your consultant would agree that delaying re-starting any treatment until later in the year would be wise?

Will your support worker qualification enable you to get employment in that particular field, or do you need to achieve some work experience and/or further quals? It might be worth considering voluntary work in that field if you do need to get some recent experience etc, and this is likely to be less stressful for you as you get used to the routine of work (making certain assumptions there, sorry if they are wrong).

xroads

dawemouse wrote: »

Hi I just wanted to congratulate you on your amazing strength, that must have been really hard to post. I think you are doing an amazing job of starting your new life, A wonderful partner and a wedding to look forward to is such an exciting start. i would have a think about what you want first. have you thought of volunteering to get some experience. I work full time but work part time in my local cancer charity shop as they are always so snowed under and need the help. i enjoy it so much more than my regular job because i dont have to be there i choose to it makes it more enjoyable if that makes sense. It may give you a bit of confidence and lead you into something you hadnt considered before. is there a local charity or group that you would be interested in? maybe something that your qualification could come into use? As for the children part only you can decide when the time is right but age obviously is a factor for us ladies. Good luck x x

Hi

Thanks for your reply, yes it was very hard to post but something i felt i needed to do.

Once the abuse stopped and i started to pick up the pieces of my life i did vol work for over 2 years at a homless charity then i moved on to helping women and children which i really enjoyed. Only leaving as there were no prospects and i knew i wanted to move faward in life. I need to get some money togther and have a life that i want to have, one which isn't contolled by others.

Its quite scary but exciting to be in this postition, once which i never saw myself in but life is all about change

xx

xroads

Tam+Al wrote: »

Hi.. Well done for that..

All i can say is follow your heart.. only you really know what is the right step from here!!

xxxx

Iv'e been speaking to my oh and as his job is low paid he wont be able to support 3 of us so im thinking the best thing to do is get paid work for a few years then start treatment again, i would love children now but i also no that i need to grow myself a bit

soupdragon10

Xroads, have you ever spoken to anyone about the kind of work/career that you would really like? I am a careers adviser and volunteer with a local charity supporting ex drug users / clients with mental health issues who want to move forward with their life. Have you spoken to anyone about what you want to do, where your skills, interests and expertise are?

PM me if you want to and I'd be happy to help in any way I can.

xroads

Yorkie1 wrote: »

You've got quite a few life challenges this year - the legal matters to get through, the wedding for starters. Each of those can loom large in anyone's life. I would suggest that you don't take on too much until those are behind you too. Better to successfully achieve each step than try to eat the whole elephant at once. Given all that you've described about your past, I think you've done really well to get where you are - you do still have time on your side.

As an aside, do not give up completely on the idea of therapy for ever. I've had a number of different types at different times of my life. Some were more useful than others. I think there are times in our lives when it is of more use than others, when different types are of more relevance, and when we are more or less ready to tackle certain issues in our lives.

I have heard that fertility issues are complicated by stress, so I wonder whether your consultant would agree that delaying re-starting any treatment until later in the year would be wise?

Will your support worker qualification enable you to get employment in that particular field, or do you need to achieve some work experience and/or further quals? It might be worth considering voluntary work in that field if you do need to get some recent experience etc, and this is likely to be less stressful for you as you get used to the routine of work (making certain assumptions there, sorry if they are wrong).

The legal stuff has been a real nightmare for us all, no justice has been done at all and the offender has had no punishment.All there is to do now is clear up the detials of the case which could take a few months but atlast there is light at the end of the tunnel:D

I'm very excited about the weeding and thankfuly due to careful planning things are coming along very well.

Maybe at some point i would consider threapy again but for now i think its time to start moving on and see how i cope with a different kind of life.

We did put back the fertility treatment as the stress of the legal case was to much along with everything else and with only a certain ammount of goes i don't want to ' waste' them.

xroads

soupdragon10 wrote: »

Xroads, have you ever spoken to anyone about the kind of work/career that you would really like? I am a careers adviser and volunteer with a local charity supporting ex drug users / clients with mental health issues who want to move forward with their life. Have you spoken to anyone about what you want to do, where your skills, interests and expertise are?

PM me if you want to and I'd be happy to help in any way I can.

Thank you.

I did when i was younger but wasn't very well at the time but i would seriously consider it again for sure.

Through my vol work i know i really enjoy helping people with their lives and really enjoy seeing people make postive changes in their lives be they big or small.

BitterAndTwisted

Sometimes, when we feel that we're at a crossroads in life, the best thing to do is not feel that we must go hurtling along any one path. Particularly when there's no signposts for the way back to where we came from. Sometimes it's better to sit tight for a bit, wait until the dust settles and not do anything life-changing at all.

I think you may have quite enough on your plate at present. Life is long, decisions cam be made later, especially irrevocable ones.

xroads

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Sometimes, when we feel that we're at a crossroads in life, the best thing to do is not feel that we must go hurtling along any one path. Particularly when there's no signposts for the way back to where we came from. Sometimes it's better to sit tight for a bit, wait until the dust settles and not do anything life-changing at all.

I think you may have quite enough on your plate at present. Life is long, decisions cam be made later, especially irrevocable ones.

Thanks, i think i need to go down the work route if nothing else but to bring money in. Once my oh moves in my situation will change and i will have to get a job.