No presents?

Newly_retired

A few years ago we came to an agreement that we would not exchange presents among the adults, and that I would just give presents to the grandchildren. Yet my DIL keeps getting me presents!
I usually go and stay a couple of nights after Christmas so I always take something, nothing very expensive, just as I would at any other time of year really.
This year I shall be taking chocolates and bottle of wine and have sent flowers in advance - but that leaves nothing specific for my DS. They can afford to buy anything they need, as indeed I can, but I don't want them to think I am taking advantage.

MrsManda

If the chocolates/wine/flowers are more for your DIL how about a bottle of whisky/some interesting beers for your DS?
Or a pair of novelty socks?
As you've agreed not to buy presents, getting anything expensive is not fair but if you want to get something small a novelty item or a food item may be the best way to go.

Caroline73_2

The best present from my parents or in laws is a babysitter! They are so expensive, and reliable ones are hard to find so offer to look after your grandchildren for the evening/overnight.

My husband and I have had two nights away alone in six years, in January we have another night booked. Were looking forward to it so much.

barbiedoll

Is she buying you a gift "from the children" as you are buying gifts for them?

We don't do gifts for the adults in my family either (apart from my mum!) but I always get my brother and sister a small gift from my son as they always buy for him or give him money. Now that he's older, he gets the presents from his pocket money but before that, I used to buy them.

Don't get too hung up on this, I'm sure that wine and chocolates are shared with your DS too! The flowers are a nice touch, I don't suppose for a minute your DIL thinks that you're taking advantage.

euronorris

Your DIL probably keeps getting you gifts, because you always show up with some. No matter how small. As the gifts could easily be viewed as something for both of them, I would leave things how they are. It seems pretty equal to me.

meritaten

Hun, your DIL understands the 'no presents' rule - yet she likes to give you a present! for her, perhaps, there is more pleasure in the giving of presents than recieving them? if it does give her pleasure to give you a present - then it would be churlish of you to spoil that pleasure. you take something as a guest 'gift' dont you? so she feels justified in giving YOU a gift! just be gracious and accept with thanks!

Emmarillo

meritaten wrote: »

Hun, your DIL understands the 'no presents' rule - yet she likes to give you a present! for her, perhaps, there is more pleasure in the giving of presents than recieving them? if it does give her pleasure to give you a present - then it would be churlish of you to spoil that pleasure. you take something as a guest 'gift' dont you? so she feels justified in giving YOU a gift! just be gracious and accept with thanks!

Absolutely. She recognises and understands the no present rule, but appreciates your thoughtfulness with the flowers, wine and chocolates. I think she just wants to buy something for the childrens lovely Grandfather - and I'd be the same.

If you read these boards you'd see that often in-laws are nothing but trouble so I expect she's counting her blessings!!

Have a lovely Christmas.

jackieb

Maybe your DIL gives you the presents from your grandchildren?

marywooyeah

we're doing a no presents for adults this year and made it clear we didn't want anything and weren't giving anything. now suddenly people who haven't even acknowledged that we bought them presents for the last couple of years have sent cards (never have before!) and text saying "got your present today" - what part of "no presents" is so hard to understand?!

I second taking some drink for your DS - that way it can more "bringing something to the party" than a present.

Newly_retired

Many thanks for all those wonderful responses.