Alcoholic friend - advice/input please...

ceecee1

I read so much good advice on these forums that I am going to ask for your input into a 'worry' that I have.

I have a male friend who when pressed will admit that he is an alcoholic. I only see him a few times a year as we live miles apart but he has been a good friend and I am going to be seeing him over christmas as he is coming up to stay with his best mate.

Every time I see him he seems to have retreated further into his drinking. He has had driving licence taken off him after a fit and says that after all investigations they have no idea why this fit happened.

I did tell him that he knew fine well why he had fitted as it was down to his drinking and that if he wanted to try to get his licence back he had to look after himself and that whatever he did i would quite like him to live a bit longer. He went very quiet for a long time after I said this.

My common sense tells me that whatever I say will not make any difference but there is a part of me that hopes that I might just get through to him.

About 3 months ago me and his best mate were told that he was in floods of tears saying that we were the only friends that he had left now. It makes me sound uncaring but I think that I am only still his friend as I dont see him very often.

He is a happy drunk, has managed to hang onto his job and house so far. I just dont kow whether I am worrying unnecessarily but I find it very hard to just accept him the way that he is.

His best mate just hands him a beer when he arrives. tries to keep him off spirits and says that as long as he only drinks beer he will be ok.

I just think that as friends we should try to help him. He doesn't eat unless he is forced too - he pushes food around a plate and pretends. Thinks that no-one notices....

For years I have coped with his drinking by just ignoring it. I'm just not conviced that is no longer the best thing to do.

I'm not even sure if I have a question or not....its my problem I just have to know how to cope with it. Has anybody got any experience in the best thing to do.

thanks

doodoot

You can only help your friend by supporting him once he has requested medical intervention.

Nothing you say or do before he makes his initial move will achieve anything.

This is from personal experience.

Good luck.

Emmzi

There is nothing you can do. It's be like telling your fat mate they were fat. They already know. He already knows.

Caroline_a

My ex was an alcoholic although he would never admit it, and drinking would make him aggressive. I spent 10 years doing things to make him stop - having his food ready the minute he stepped in the house (if he was eating he drank less), making arrangements to go places where he wouldn't or couldn't drink, keeping hold of the family income so that bills were paid first, but to be honest it made little difference.

If he wanted to drink he drank. And he wouldn't stop until either the pub closed or he was falling down. Then he'd come home and be (verbally) abusive to me. He knew what he did, he chose to not stop. As Emmzi says, it's like telling your fat friend that they're fat. You will watch him die a slow death in all probability. Just don't let him take you down with him

ceecee1

You have said exactly what I thought - I suppose I am just being too hopeful that something might just get through to him.

If we remain friends I can see that I will be at his funeral at some point. Its a shame but alcohol is his life, it comes before everything else.

Thank god that I am not involved more.

Thanks

londonsurrey

There are plenty of functional alcoholics. They hold down good jobs, their personal lives may not be all that one would wish for, but then that also applies to lots of non-alcoholics too.

Although his fairly isolated existence is not ideal, he's not creating children that he then abuses through neglect/indifference/ego. Sometimes people look at couples and think that they're fine as they've conformed to some ideal societal setup, but the reality is it's disgraceful what they're doing to their children.