Hiring a carer for the day

Giddytimes

Thanks for your helpful suggestions everyone, I'll check whether the carehome allow their staff to work privately first and if so will approach a member of staff there. If not I'll certainly try calling the above two companies.

Margaretclare, thanks for your concern, I understand where you are coming from. Despite my aunts dementia she has not forgotten about the wedding, even though she often doesn't recognise me when I visit she still tells me about her neices wedding! The event has somehow become implanted in her brain. She is completely convinced that she will be making her own way to the wedding, obviously this is not possible, but to have to tell her she couldn't attend would break her heart.
If the event is too much for her I am sure the carer will act in her best interest and take her home early.

scheming_gypsy

Ask them if they use any agencies when short staffed. If they do then it's worth asking if they can take one in for a day at your cost.

kingfisherblue

If it is any help, I live in the North West and my daughter works as a carer. She is paid £7.10 an hour (no sick pay or holiday pay). For a seven and a half hour day (half an hour unpaid break), her agency charges clients £84, so around £11.20 an hour.

For disabled people who receive Direct Payments, my local council will pay agency fees of up to £11.59 an hour.

Hope these costs help you - I know they won't be accurate for every agency, but hopefully they will be a guideline. I'm in St. Helens, but Manchester agancies might charge a bit more, so I would budget for £12+ an hour, if using an agency.

If you can get staff from the care home (a much better option, but I understand why this might not be possible), it will be less expensive, but there could be income tax and NI implications for the staff concerned.

LEJC

the fees charge will vary significantly and also depend a lot on how the patient is...

I have experience with my elderly mother who at 82 suffers dementia..its a dreadful situation to be in and to be honest even though I think she would think herself capable of attending a wedding or function I'm not sure that she would posess the social skills to interact with others in a way as to allow the bride and groom their day...as another poster pointed out it can be very upsetting to be in a situation that the patient doesnt have control over...my mum still lives in her own home but has carers who visit 3 times a day...so she is not even in a nursing home environment yet..I recently decided to treat mum to an afternoon tea at a garden centre thinking she would enjoy the interaction with others...how wrong I was..she became totally confused and we had top leave in order to not disrupt the other customers...

Weddings can be particularly stressful for someone with dementia as they often remember the person as they used to be and sometimes faced with even people who are close family they will become confused...this can sometimes lead to insecurity or even agression..

If it were me in your position I would think about arranging for the bride and groom to attend the nursing home seperately to the wedding party,and perhaps leave some flowers or cake for the other residents as well...

Care fees as a one off for a full day can also be extortionate...a previous poster gave the rates her daughter earns...and in honesty that rate can be trebled to give the figure we currently pay an agency per hour for meal preparation/personal care..I think if you were able to find an agency that would do a one off funtion then you would be looking in the region of £200 plus...

Please be guided by what the nursing home say as to whether they think she is up to the day...afterall they will know how best she reacts in unfamiliar situations...I know a wedding is a family affair and there will be lots of people there who could help out but it really is down to the individual on how they would cope.
best of luck with whatever you decide

motherofstudents

You could ring the Alzheimers society for general advice 01925 572239 or Crossroads care on 0161 445 9595. I think however, you would be better to ask one of her carers at the home if they could do it so that it is at least someone she knows. I would ask whoever you get, to take your aunt outside, if for example she may be in danger of disrupting your actual wedding service. I think it is lovely that you want her there and that she is looking forward to it as well and I hope it works out for the best. Have a lovely wedding.

Errata

Playing devil's advocate, and HTH

You will need both a driver and an escort for your aunt and if your aunt doesn't want to get in the vehicle they can't make her.
If she needs help with the meal and refuses the help of a carer, who will help her? Given she will be in strange premises with many strangers and some family members whom she may or may not recognise who else will help her and will she let them?
If she finds herself in need of some very personal care, will she allow a strange carer to do it? Would someone else do it? Would she let them? Nobody can force her to accept help.
If she becomes what other people may consider to be disruptive, how will that be managed? Who will do it? Again, nobody can force her to do anything she doesn't want to.

I think you need to give this a lot of thought and discuss it with the manager of the home in your aun'ts presence, and encourage her to participate in the discussion.

Ravenlady_2

I think you will need to hire a minimum of 2 carers for your aunt, Dementia is very challenging and not easy to deal with, it will be too much work for 1 carer to do.

Rockporkchop

I totally understand why you would want your aunt there and admire your efforts to get her to your wedding. But as another poster said, I would really think again about letting her come.

I have been to two weddings this year where an elderly guest with dementia was in attendance and on one occasion the normally meek lady got really loud and aggressive. At my other friend's wedding, she made a huge effort to get her nan to attend, only for her nan to shout out "who is that" when the bride was walking down the aisle. And she had no recollection of the day afterwards either, which was heartbreaking.

If I were you, I would video the wedding and at a later date I would dress up, go and visit your aunt in the care home and take some wedding cake and posh nibbles and sit and watch the video together. The next time you speak to her she will probably think she was actually at the wedding anyway.

Hope I haven't spoken out of turn and but I really think that your plans would add a lot of unnecessary stress to your wedding day.

meritaten

I have to agree with Rockporkchop - hun, as much as you want her there - it probably isnt a good idea. The reason the nursing home wasnt co-operative could have been because they were tactfully trying to prevent her from going! Alzhiemers sufferers ARE very unhappy at being in a strange environment and could be a source of embarressment - dont subject her to that!
Its a much better idea to arrange with the nursing home for you to turn up in your wedding dress and bring her some 'treats' and a dvd of the wedding - I am sure the residents would thoroughly enjoy that. It doesnt have to be on the day of the wedding! when you come back from honeymoon would do!