Financial "end of engagement" woes

north_star

Evening

Will try to be as brief as possible but this particular issue is very hard for me to explain, but I really need some serious help and advice

My fianc!e and I, for various reasons, have sadly decided to part ways a fair few months ago. Before the split, I had moved into his house in Oldham, which was very sparsely/badly furnished for a pair of newly-weds-to-be. I had a substantial amount of money in my savings, to which we both decided to put just over £1,000 each towards some furnishings for this property and our life together. This included bed, TV, dining table and chairs etc etc (most things you can imagine).

Things have turned sour, and I have now had to move in to a small flat with a very, very understanding friend (on minimal rent) whilst I try to get back on my feet as living with my now ex-fianc!e has left me financially crippled.

My now ex-fianc!e has had full use of these items that we have jointly purchased over all this time. I of course have no use for these items anymore (as I live with my friend and have no where to put them or afford to pay storage!). When I approach him about giving me some money towards these items (I know I will never see the full amount back but I would like around half of what I put in), he claims that he doesn't really have a use for them either and that he will not pay me the amount I require (?!). He says that I owe him money for a quarter of the last month's electricity bill (from when I left him) and also claims I took money out of our joint account which needs to be paid back (he has no back-up for this).

He is a Financial Controller for a well-known local engineering firm, and he has used a ridiculous spreadsheet to calculate a "monthly depreciation" of all of our items, from the moment we bought it to the moment I left, split it in half, deducted everything he claims I owe him and claims that he therefore owes me a grand total of about £50 for all of these items!!! He has no back-up to wear he has got his "second-hand value" for all our items (which were purchased brand new).

I have been to my local CAB who advised me to go small claims, but to bear in mind I may shell out a lot of cash to never see my money again (plus even if court is ruled in my favour, it would be up to me to retrieve the money and he could easily refuse to pay!). Another source has advised me to get what the true second hand value is for each item, but this is where I do not know where to start. I am out of my depth here, and am in dire financial straits to the extent I cannot afford to let this money go. Some rumours from our mutual friends are even going around that he has sold most of our items we purchased together, and pocketed the money.

Can anyone advise me what I should do? I want to try and contest his valuation of our items as its all very biased, but I do not know where I can get the correct information or where to start.

~ Caroline

sugarplum10

sorry to read and run but i have no idea as to what to do about this legally however if i was you i would get the items and sell them at a car boot/ ebay/whereever to get some money back! if he has no use for them...... why should you be left short??

sharronej

Hi Caroline,

I'm sorry don't have any real financial advise to give you and probably this will get shot down in flames but could you (if you felt so inclined) just walk away from this battle.....a spreadsheet to track depreciation! Forgive me for saying but he sounds like a prat and I wonder if emotionally at least you would be better to leave him to it! Did he buy you an engagement ring? If so is it valuable and have you given it him back? Could this be a way to raise some revenue? I wonder if a browse on ebay would give you an idea of second hand prices? I would be tempted to tell him you want half the furniture (then you could sell it on yourself if you felt like it) and then let him take you through the small claims court for the money he says you owe. Perhaps you could tell him that you want to bring somebody along to take an inventory of the furniture etc, then you might find out if he has sold it.

On a more personal and possibly productive front if you post an SOA the good people on here will be able to give you good financial advice and help.

Sharron

eyeopener2

Depreciation!

Dear me, he may be a Financial Controller but I hope he isn't running the business in this way!.

Depreciation is an accounting tool, it assume an asset has a useful life to the business, it isn't used for valuation, thats absolute b&*&^%$.

I'm afraid hes trying to bully you and it would seem your well rid.

Back to the point though. Go round and demand half the stuff back. Have you any friends who could assist in moving it or storing it till you can possibly sell it on ebay or something? Demand it, take some friends with you, embarrass him. Do you both really want to go to law over a few chairs, tables and tv's? I take it you no longer have a key so you couldn't just walk in and take whats yours........

Or maybe you could just call it a day and put it all behind you? Walking away and just putting it down to experience? I did that myself 11 years ago. Walked away with a bag of cds and a bag of clothes, couldn't be bothered fighting for the rest.

It's only stuff at the end of the day.

north_star

Thank you sugarplum10 and sharronej for taking the time out to give me your responses.

I should have mentioned in my post that although I am an Oldham gal I am at the moment approx 2 hours drive away from Oldham as my friend moved out of the area for her job. I had to sell my car, so I am at a disadvantage all round. I don't know whether to believe the fact that he has sold the items on or not, as he has told me that I am more than welcome to arrange picking up my share of the stuff - but I am not in possession of a large van (and don't have any friends who do either) nor can I afford to hire one or pay for the storage whilst I decide what to do with them. Its causing me so much stress.

Walking away would be the best option in terms of my stress levels, however I am on a very low wage, have picked up some debt from our time together and am probably trying my friend's patience (although she's not showing it) because I am barely paying her any rent to try and dig myself out of this financial hole. Hence why I need as much money back as I can to help me.

Unfortunately I did not ever get an engagement ring, only a "promise" possession is nine tenths of the law, and its a case of "all or nothing" with him - he says this is all on "principle!" which is why he said he will not be "forced into paying me an inflated value" :mad:

Forgive my ignorance but what is a SOA?

whitewing

I think you have had a lucky escape - well done on getting rid of him - I can't get over the spreadsheet but if you do take him to the small claims court be sure to include it to give the judge a good laugh!

MFWannabe

Personally i would walk away and not look back, move on with your life and consider yourself well rid.
You say you are in financial dire straits. Post an soa on here using the one on www.makesenseofcards.com and the lovely people on here will help you sort out your finances.

Emmala

Oh, I feel for you. An ex boyfriend of mine did something similar when we split the summer I graduated (we'd lived together for two years and all our stuff was at his parents for the summer. I didn't drive and had to go from the south coast to the midlands on the train to bring back as much stuff as I could carry.) I don't know what to say that will help. What about your parents, can they help? xxx

north_star

Thank you everyone - it means a lot to receive your replies.

I want to walk away, I really do...but I keep dwelling on losing what to me would give me a lot of help in starting to clear my debt. The situation has dragged on for such a long time, and it makes me angry thinking about how my stuff is benefiting his life with his new missus. Although rumours do not help, and I hear things flying around about how he has sold most of our things and is in the process of moving in with her. If this is true, then I have no idea where he is living now!

Perhaps I will have to browse eBay and get a feel for how much second-hand goods are so I can get an idea of what the real value for things are. If only I could show you all this spreadsheet, its so ridiculous.

Voyager2002

SOA -- statement of affairs. Just details of what you earn, and where the money goes. People can then spot areas where you could make savings.

InDeepDebt

Forget his silly spreadsheet - just go for the - "Well I'll have the tele, you can have the sofa and I'll have the..." way forward. Then sell it.

You won't get much - but it will be something and may make you feel better. As far as I can see, there's no way he can argue with that. Then just walk away and forget him.

Good luck. Just think of him like an infected boil on your bum - causes you grief and irritation for a while but eventually - you'll have forgotten the pain and discomfort and, so long as you keep looking forward, the bad memories will dwindle.