Lying about money

stup1d80

Hi everyone, newbie here!

I recently found out that my husband has been lying to me about money and taking the attitude of "She earns more, she can afford it" type attitude... Its really upset me as my previous relationship ended because of money issues, my ex took loans out and credit cards etc. and owed a lot of money! my new husband knows all this and he still lied to me!

He says he has fessed up to everything now but I just don't think I can trust him... when I ask about things, he seems to make up excuses... I can literally see his train of thought trying to think up answers!

He's opened a "Think" bank account which he says is to help him manage his money etc. does anyone know much about them?

Sorry to ramble on but I just don't know how to get through to him to tell me the truth!

Thanks for reading

x

KingElvis

Sounds dodgy to me, it's shape up or ship out time.

tallyhoh

What exactly has he been lying about? My OH is dreadful with money & I continually have to watch him like a hawk.

stup1d80

Thanks for the replies...

Basically I found out a few days ago that he had recieved a letter demanding payment of an old Council tax bill (from years back) and instead of telling me so we could sort it out together, he paid it, then told me a story about how he'd lost his bank card and we'd have to use my money for a trip we had planned that weekend, he promised that he would transfer the money back as soon as we returned. So off we went on our trip, when we returned the money still hadn't been returned and he blamed the bank etc. obviously I got suspicious and demanded the truth.

It was the depths he went to to keep it secret... he even cut up his bank card to keep up the lie!!! and destroyed all the paperwork.

And now he's opened this other account which I only found out about because I was standing next to him when the confirmation letter came through!!!

He is supposed to buy the food every week and I have noticed that he dpends the minimum possible lately (never forgetting his beer of course).

I just know there is more to it and that he's hiding things but I don't know how to prove it etc.

Help!

x

downsizer3

I wonder if ( misguidedly) its because of your previous issues with ex's finances that he didn't tell you as he knows how much it worries you? I can imagine him getting a bit defensive about it all?
I totally understand where you are coming from as my ex lied about his debts - its hard to trust again - especially if its something you are personally concerned about.
A sit down, calm chat outlining how you feel?

BlushingRose

downsizer3 wrote: »

I wonder if ( misguidedly) its because of your previous issues with ex's finances that he didn't tell you as he knows how much it worries you?

I was wondering this too.

Mr BR kept the details of how badly we were in debt from me for a long while, but one day broke down in tears and told me everything.

I think the 'sit down and talk' idea is a good one, but you have to do it in an open and non-accusatory way to let him know how this is making you feel and that you need - NEED - to know the extent of all the problems cos only then an you sort it out together.

stup1d80

Thanks again for the replies... Apparently he kept it from me because (his words) "I didn't need to know"???

I think whats hurt me more is the extent to which he lied and also the fact that he could so easily lie to my face about it all...

I'm going to try and have a chat with him later...

X

January20

"Think" banking from a quick google search: http://www.thinkbanking.co.uk/

Do you have a joint current account or joint savings account with your husband? If so perhaps you should keep a close eye on it/ them, just in case. Or even close them as I agree with you that the lying is hurtful but also most worrying if he is so good at it.

Llyllyll

Money matters can cause problems in the strongest of relationships even when things are out in the open so secrecy is not helping in any way at all.

Initially I would have to agree with the sit down and have an honest chat method but the “didn’t need to know” bit would really bug me.

You’ve already stated that this is something you need to address together and I couldn’t agree more.

Best of luck…

GreenSaints

Hi,

Didn't want to read and run (side note: not stalking you January, honest!)

I had this issue with my BF. I'm always open to talking about money whereas he's not. He thought I earnt more than him (which I do, but my take home pay is the same as him), that I had this abundance of savings (just look at my signature! :P) and he thought I'd shout at him if he told me about his debt.

We just sat down and discussed it all and he's getting better - not great, but better!

I suggest talking to him but make sure you make him "feel" comfortable - so no serious dining table chats for hours and hours. If he's been keeping this back, he obviously isn't comfortable about it (like my BF) so we spent just an hour going through the bills on the sofa............with some ice cream (optional, but very tasty!) and it helped no end. We talk on a regular basis now, but still for limited times so it's not too heavy.

Hope it all goes well. Keep up posted xx

tallyhoh

Something sounds very wrong here, how long have you been together? I think its time for a very good talk. Perhaps you could ask to see a copy of his credit report.