Boyfriend's flatmate not paying rent/bills, beyond silly with money.

Wellyboots6

Hey,
It sounds like a horrible situation as it is always awkward asking friends you care for for money.

Could you sit down with her and offer to help her work out her finances? Say that you are worried for your boyfriend and that you know she will understand and want to help?
If it was me I would take up her offer of handing over her pay packet, work out how much 'pocket money' she needs and then keep the rest to pay her debts. A couple of months like that and she will hopefully learn not to spend beyond her means. You could always keep back some of her money then too to pay for food, toothpaste etc? Then all she needs to worry about is her entertainment.

Or, failing that, like a previous poster said, hide things! Women use more toilet roll than men, so witholding that is likely to have a big impact!!

You could even print off a budget planner and go through with her. It may shock her in to realising how much 'real life' costs and then she may decide to go back to her mums through her own choice, if you phrase it as there is no other option but to pay her share.

Hope that helps, I know it is alot easier said than done!

Good luck

lillit

Wow! I didn't expect so many replies!! Thanks you so much! I'll read through them now and try to respond to everyone's points. I hope it's not rude if I just respond on the whole rather than to individual points?

The main problem with a tough love approach is that I am scared that L will fall into actual debt via payday lenders. There are two things I can see happening; her getting into debt and not being able to pay and/or running back to her mum's house. Either way it means BF's finances are ruined. However, I do agree I need to stop enabling her. I agree that she does have to learn that people won't bail her out every time.

Genuinely I think she should go back home, however that'd kill my boyfriend's savings and leave him in debt. They're tied into a 12 month contract for a cheaper deal (I warned him, I warned him!) and I don't see her feeling the need to pay BF back once she's not living there. I also only think she'll go back if she's very desperate as I tried to tell her before moving out that she should go back to her mum; she's just very stubborn.

The contract is a difficult one. I can't move out of my house yet for a number of reasons (personal not financial) and BF can't think of anyone who'd want to flat share. The only people I know are a couple I work with but I think it'd be too small for them. L keeps talking about moving to a cheaper flat but doesn't seem to realise she has to pay for another 9 months regardless.

About the fish.. I will talk to her boyfriend about it as he was the one who bought them. I think he regrets it though as she doesn't look after things. She also has hamsters which I think are slightly better treated but it confuses me that she wants to keep animals when she can't look after herself even.

I would really like to take her wages off her!! We worked out she gets about £54 p/w after bills, which is a low-ish estimate as well. I know what she would tell me to my face right now if I said that: "I don't spend THAT much!". I think it's a good idea to do a budget with her. Like why she can't spend a whole payslip on Christmas presents. Her boyfriend didn't help as he bought her some expensive things with her knowledge and she wants to match it. I think she also wanted to buy presents for family as normal to put up a front that she's ok. Another thing I want her to do is quit smoking, because she genuinely can't afford it.

Thanks again everyone!

beadgirl87

Can you have her set up a direct debit or standing order for the bills the day the she gets paid?
Then it comes straight out of her account and you don't have to keep asking for it. If it bounces or she goes overdrawn that would be a more effective way of her to see the debt as it preventing her from buying other stuff. ATM the few hundred she owes ur bf is not affecting her at all and probably doesn't seem like real money. Once her account is in the red she will realise she has to cut back on her spending or move back with her mum.
I would also say, to get it sorted asap and comeup with a plan for future payments with clear consequences, that are followed through. I let a friend live with me a few months ago and he owes me £300, I have learnt my lesson and will not be helping someone like that out in the future.
I'm getting fed up of living with housemates and arguing over cleaning, toilet roll etc!
good luck with it, I know it will be difficult but you and your bf can't afford to carry on supporting her.

BlushingRose

beadgirl87 wrote: »

Can you have her set up a direct debit or standing order for the bills the day the she gets paid? Then it comes straight out of her account and you don't have to keep asking for it. If it bounces or she goes overdrawn that would be a more effective way of her to see the debt as it preventing her from buying other stuff.

That's a great idea! :T

lillit

/\/\/\
Yeah that sounds good! I'll suggest that with BF. I'm off to speak to L now to get her perspective on things, I hope it goes ok!

wonabeedebtfree

I agree with the people here. The more you do for some people the worse they get. My SIL asked me to take in a friend of hers as she was being kicked out by her auntie. I was not told the whole truth(obviously). The agreement was she moved in for a FEW months to save a deposit to buy a flat. She had saved 3.5k so was well on in the saving.

I charged her £50all in. What a fool I was. She kept saying she could not afford to stay at that price. I sat with her to sort out a budget and organised for her to give me a few bob each week to put into a credit union account. She stopped after a few weeks.
After 6months no sign of her moving so I had to sit with her and said what is going on. 2 days later she turned up with a NEW car on finance and had booked a holiday with her friends(I was Very angry-cant figure out how to put faces up on this site)

I felt awful but could not cope so I gave her notice to leave of 6months because I was extending the ground floor. Still no movement from her.
My Electricity started to shoot up from 50 to 100 per month. I was studying for exams and did not tell her and then copped she was washing peoples clothes in my machine, my iron and used my dryer!!!! Not supprising as she did not have much to pay for.
I then asked my BF now DH to tell her she had to move. She said ok and then started talking badly about me. My SIL said if it was her she would have kicked her out earlier. I doing her(SIL and Her) a favour!!! Never again.
My reputation was distroyed. I was the one evicting her. An unsuspecting nurse she was working with took her in and that was a few years ago and charged her 25 a week!! SiL defended me and so did her collegues that knew me.

IT looks like L has not grown up. Her family did not teach her how to budget or save and I think your bf is still helping her to continue in her ways. She is not taking responsibilty. He needs to sit with her and go through a few rules or she will have to move back with mum and dad.

Your bf could advertise in the local shop or supermarket for room to rent. Set the feelers out and see if you get any interest. I am in Ireland and if you want to house share or short term let you go to daft. I dont know if that is the same where you are from.

Hope it all works out for you.

sugarplum10

wannabee_in_credit wrote: »

Hi
I'm sure someone a lot wiser than me will be along to advise you but I will give you my feelings about the situation. I apologise if it sounds harsh but I can't put my expression into the text I'm writing.
As long as you and your bf help this girl out then she has absolutely no motivation to change her ways. If I could go out and spend what I wanted, and if I got into trouble someone would help me out then that would be brilliant... The trouble is, until she realises herself and wants to do something about it then nothing really will change. Not good for you and bf. But I think it's time for some tough love - you say she's only 18, but if she's made the decision to leave home and stand on her own 2 feet then she needs to learn how to do that, and it's a steep learning curve for her unfortunately.
If she doesn't pay then she doesn't get. I would get rid of her fish if she's not looking after them (give her a warning then if she does nothing get rid). If she isn't paying rent and bills then she needs to find herself another place to live. It's not that she isn't paying because she's in trouble financially - she's finding other things to spend her money on. If her mum wants her home then that's probably the best place for her tbh. If she doesn't buy the food, then she doesn't eat.
I know it sounds hard, I know, but as long as she doesn't have to worry about the basics like food and a roof over her head then she'll continue in the way that she's going.
I really hope this sounds helpful when I read it back rather than rude and patronising.

I agree with wanabee, this girl will not realise the extent of her problems if you continue to cover her tracks for her.
I strongly suggest that you contact her mother as she seems to need support in all aspects, from what you said she has little life experience and is not clued up on, managing her money, her diet, her time management or other life skills that she needs to survive on her own.

This is a little more than credit card debt, she risks loosing her home and to support her you will need to be cruel to be kind.
she needs to complete a SOA and then look at claring her debt while still having money for her basic living expenses. yes her life will be pretty boring for a while but needs must!!
sorry if thats harsh but its time for her to eat humble pie like the rest of us on here.

lillit

Sorry I haven't had a chance to update until now. Basically what has happened in the last couple of days:

- Spoke to L regarding the debt. She feels genuinely bad about it and I believe her when she says she is worried but I don't think she actually understands the concept of debt or being an adult. I also don't think she understands the consequences that could happen if she doesn't pay. She also admitted she needs some serious help because she doesn't understand how to do a lot of things.

- L was hoping to get paid around £350 this payday and said she'd pay BF £300 of that, which would cover rent and some of the bills. She only got paid £230 because she often leaves work early and is paid hourly. She said she can only pay BF £130 as she still wants spending money. This means that this month she has only paid for just over half the rent and none of the other bills.

- BF isn't timid but he is often too nice for his own good. However, he is very close to blowing up at her at this point.

- I downloaded the budget tool from this website and am planning on doing this with her on Friday. I also made a list of things she could do to cut her spending. She has agreed but whether or not she does sit down and do it is a deciding factor in what to do next. I have taken a lot of the advice everyone here has given me, as well as what other people have said to me in real life (which is basically exactly the same thing) that someone has to put their foot down. I am going to try and tell her everything I think and have said here, from here bad lifestyle choices to her complete disregard of what it actually costs to live alone. I think if I told her exactly what BF plans on doing if she doesn't pay (contacting her mum, kicking her out, making her pay until BF finds another lodger if at all) it would give her a shock back to reality.

What do you think? If this doesn't work of course she is beyond my help and BF has learnt a very financially painful life lesson.

wannabee_in_credit

I think you have your head screwed on and are full of common sense and sound advice - I hope that she realises how much you're doing for her.
How come she could offer to only have £50 spending money when she thought she was getting over £300 pay but now needs £100 spends when she's brought less home? She doesn't have a clue - I would really be pushing to get her to leave...
Hope she does take your advice though...

VfM4meplse

Only read the OP - clearly 18 is too young to leave home, and your b/f is immature himself not to realise his flatmate is unreliable. Her behaviour indicates she thinks she stiill requires a subsidy - if that's the case she needs to go home, and stay put until she grows up.

I would suggest he brings this to the attention of his flatmate's parents, and tries to recoup the o/s money from them. If he loses his flatmate, that's an added benefit.