In-laws

pinkfluffythings

I have an issue with the out-laws.

After myself and my OH had a major bust up, I posted about it a couple of months back (totally his own fault with his messed up head but I've forgiven him), everything with US is ok thank god but here is an issue I would like advice / views with.

Jeremy Kyle moments coming up!

OH properly messed up, hurt me so much and I was ready to leave. He called his Mother for advice/support (please bear in mind he usually hates her and she was never the best of parents towards him)

He called late at night to her, explained what he had done and eventually spoke to me on the phone and had the most horrible tone, telling me she was coming the next day to see him even though he would be at work and at this stage I was planning on moving out that day, also telling me that she would do anything for her boy blah blah.
Their relationship is a long story but the woman has never been their for him since he was a child, as a grown man he has cried to part of her family.

We were working things out by day 2, talking and getting stuff out. She posted stuff on Facebook, not naming me but it was obvious. Facebook is the ruination of life!
He daughter then started having a go at me on my page, lots of digs at me even though I was the very innocent party. Both got deleted and blocked. This was at midnight, the next evening my OH called the Mother, went mad at her and the sister. No sorry, explanation ...

2 months on he has seen the mother twice because of family illness, nothing was said about it and he apparently off with her. I wasn't there.

My OH hates talking about it, wants everyone to get along but I would like a sorry from them. We're 50 miles away thank god so don't have to see them.

Its making me cross that he hasn't say to her/them to apologise to me, I was so hurt, my heart had been broke and they acted like witches stirring it.


What would you do?

tanith

Nothing just ignore them, I say hubby shouldn't of dragged them into your argument and they are only acting on what he told them.. if they won't apologise then there's not much to be done other than ignore them or its going to cause another argument between you and hubby.

dottygirl

Its hard I know but I would be really nice to your MIL. Dont sink to their level. Smile and forgive. You dont have to forget. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year x

Person_one

You don't need to do anything, people have treated you badly so you ignore them until they apologise and try to make amends.

Your partner on the other hand has a big decision to make, he needs to decide if he will allow his mum and sister to bully you and if he wants people in his life who behave that way. He needs to decide if you are his priority now.

marywooyeah

I don't think you'll get an apology -they are seeing things from his point of view and want to paint you as the bad party, anything to keep their precious son/brother up on that pedestal. It's good you're so far away you don't have to see them, just remember that you are the better party in all this. Sorry you are going through this hun x

balletshoes

I know when things go wrong in a relationship it is a fairly natural reaction to go to your own immediate family/parents for support. However, having seen 2 siblings go through this, I'd say fight the urge. Think about it, its natural for a parent to take their own child's side, even if that child is now an adult.
My mum was never nasty to either partner of my siblings when it all hit the fan, but she didn't want to continue having any kind of relationship with either of them, and I think it took her a long time to come to terms with it all when one sibling got back together with her OH. They are all fine now though.

meritaten

Facebook is this alternative reality out in cyberspace! Its where people like to post things they wouldnt dare to say to you in real life!
For a really 'real' life - dont go on facebook! ignore everything said on there - and get a real life!

belfastgirl23

Do you know for sure what he told her? Sounds to me like he might have embellished the truth a little (or perhaps not admitted how much he messed up), mum rode in on a white horse with you cast as baddie of the piece. Of course now he doesn't want you talking to her about it since he probably doesn't want her to know how much of a plonker he was and doesn't want you to know whatever version of events he told her. I'd leave her aside and focus on him for a bit tbh.

pinkfluffythings

He told her the whole truth as I heard the details.

He said he won't be asking her why she is yet to pick up the phone and say sorry as its not his problem really, its between me and her.

Sooki

I think I've just read the posts on the thread you referred to, I seriously think you should re-read them.


Having been in a similar sounding relationship many moons ago, I seriously feel for you. From what I am picking up you sound like you are being emotionally abused and ground down. You don't have to live with it but it's a big choice to make. Please call women's aid abuse isn't always physical.

Personally, I think he should go back to his mummy and you should change the locks. You don't have to do it now but your mind has obviously been down this path a few times. It is not an easy thing to do but you need to assess your options when you are feeling stronger.

I don't think his mum is the problem here, she has maybe caused a catalyst to ignite the issues in your relationship.

Pollycat

pinkfluffythings wrote: »

She posted stuff on Facebook, not naming me but it was obvious. Facebook is the ruination of life!

Amen to that!

If people thought twice (or better still, 3 times) about what they were saying on this stupid, childish website, maybe there would be less trouble about it.

Re your issue:
your OH was in the wrong by dragging his Mum into your problrms.

Of course she (and his sister) were always likely to side with him - he's family.

Regardless of how much you feel you deserve it, you can't force someone to apologise.

I'd just try to put it behind you and try to be civil at the times you have to meet these people.

That's why I always feel it's best not to get involved with rows between other people - they make up and whoever has taken sides often find themselves in the wrong.