Can you stop someone getting loans?

Mallotum_X

Tough love time. Parents need to kick him out, let him take his debt with him and let him deal with it. None of you should have to put up with that.

dealer_wins

Asking him to move out would be a good step. At the moment he is just taking the p1$$ out of everyone, and it wont stop until everyone stops bailing him out.

coldcazzie

Peachylou wrote: »

We don't know what he's spending the money on, he never has anything nice (like clothes, gadgets etc), so I can only presume its drinking, going out etc. When Mum & Dad approach him , he just shuts down and can't explain himself.

It is just so stressful, one person is causing so much stress on everyone in the family. My Mum & Dad just wont learn and keep giving him money for train fare to work any any other time he finds himself short of cash.

I think it must be debt collectors then as he hasn't been to court. But it is still horrible for them to have to deal with these people ringing the house, sending letters when they've done nothing wrong.

We lent him the money recently to wipe the slate clean, I absolutely regret that decision now!

If he's shutting down then he must know he's doing something wrong, in which case stopping bailing him out might well give him the kick he needs, but it needs to be complete. No more train fares. No nothing.

You're right that debt collectors can be very intimidating and forceful in their letters and phonecalls. I would suggest unhooking the phone to be honest, and asking any friends or family to contact via mobile in advance so that they know the phone call is coming and can plug the phone back in. However, debt collectors have no remit to come to your door or seize any possessions, so any threats of that are empty and cannot be followed up.

How old is he? Obviously he's in employment... does he pay rent to your parents? How would they feel about evicting him? It sounds awful, but I had to do that to a "friend" who stopped paying me rent money on the basis that she "couldn't afford it" yet managed to sustain a twice/thrice weekly club night out followed by take-away. If he were not living there then any letters to him could be either forwarded to his new address or returned to the sender with "not at this address" written on the front.

I realise your (and their) instinct is to try to help. But bailing him out won't help, it will just prolong the problem. Are either you or your parents in contact with any of his friends? Perhaps getting a friend to find out what's going on might have a better result than family? He may be embarrassed to talk about it to his family...

jamespir

by bailiing him out your are helping him get loans because you are clearing his debt dont help him sorry he has to stand on his own two feet

chesky369

Peachylou wrote: »

I think it must be debt collectors then as he hasn't been to court.

QUOTE]

The fact he hasn't been to court doesn't mean there hasn't been a court hearing - he may well have received a letter informing him of such a hearing and just ignored it.

Apples2

If money is going with nothing tangeable, it narrows it down to two likely possibilities

Drugs or Gambling

Either one means he will need a lot of support and help. We've already condemned the poor lad (with good reason) but once the balloon goes up and he opens up to people, he will need someone around him for support.

Difficult situation for sure.

Unless it's Hookers of course, in which case, Go for it my son :)

KingElvis

Lock him in the cellar / attic and feed him on fish heads.

coldcazzie

Apples2 wrote: »

If money is going with nothing tangeable, it narrows it down to two likely possibilities

Drugs or Gambling

Either one means he will need a lot of support and help. We've already condemned the poor lad (with good reason) but once the balloon goes up and he opens up to people, he will need someone around him for support.

I'm inclined to agree with this, which is why I suggested getting a friend in on the act to try to get him to open up...:)

bouncydog1

A family member behaved in exactly the same way - the stress of it all ended up making my mum ill. She couldn't ask the family member to leave either - after all it was her daughter.

So she refused to bail her out and left her to deal with things herself. Tough love but it worked. Sister went bankrupt in the end but she can at least now manage her money! The root cause for her was wanting to be accepted so a lot of the money went on entertaining friends, gifts for their children etc. etc. Funny how the friends disappeared when the money stopped coming.

telboyo

If you and your parents stop bailing him out he will almost certainly trash his credit rating and be unable to get anymore payday loans. Then there is the possibility that he takes out new accounts and cards using your parents details and runs up debts against them.
It may sound far fetched but this is what my brother did to my mum. After my mum died I moved house and have not told my brother where I live and have no idea where he is- this way he cannot do the same to me.